Candles

35 | H E A R T L I N E S

TO SAY I WAS UPSET when I woke up would have been an understatement. I was bewildered, anxious, pissed, miserable, and distraught. I was still on the sofa, where I had fallen asleep last night, and I was still the only one in the house. I had checked and I was very disappointed to find out Harry had not returned. I decided not to go out and look for him. He would come back if he wanted to. Besides, I had no idea where Jillian lived and I was not going to waste my gas looking for her home. Instead, I scrubbed the kitchen down from top to bottom and put the food in containers to store in the fridge. I cleaned the counters twice, the table twice as much, and mopped the floor so many times I lost count. I then dusted the living room and vacuumed the carpet as if my life depended on it.

I then vacuumed the stairs and the hallway.

And cleaned the guest bathroom upstairs.

I made sure my bedroom was spotless and I decided to wash my sheets, pillow cases, and comforter. I carried them all downstairs and shoved them into the washing machine, starting it up without a problem. I left them to wash and went back upstairs to finish cleaning. I unplugged the vacuum and wrapped up the cord before going to look for something else to clean. I needed to keep myself busy or else I was going to lose my mind.

After I had cleaned up most of the house, I found myself sitting down on the bottom stair. I looked at my toes against the carpet before closing my eyes and shaking my head at myself. Harry had not returned yet and I had been cleaning for hours. What was taking him so long? I never knew a breakup could take this long. I doubted they even broke up. Who was I kidding? The two of them had been together for years. Of course he was not going to leave her for me. I was fooling myself into believing something such as that was even possible. He still loved her and he was not ready to give all of that up. He thought he was but he was obviously wrong.

Were they with each other right now, laughing on the sofa and drinking an expensive bottle of red wine?

I bet they were. There was not a single doubt in my mind. He told me he was going to make things right and that was exactly what he was doing. I should have known we were never going to be together. He belonged with Jillian. It was always going to be that way. I was simply just a bump in the road. They were slowly making their way over it and before I knew it, I would be out of their way and their relationship would continue to grow and improve. Everything that happened was not supposed to happen. I was never supposed to fall in love and I was never supposed to let anyone fall in love with me. I let my walls down and now I had to put them right back up. I trusted him. I allowed myself to trust him and I felt betrayed. I should not have felt this way, though. He was with someone this entire time and I knew that. I was the mistress and I had no right to get angry about any of this. If he wanted Jillian, he could have her. I was all right with just being the roommate.

Jesus, Sydney, what's with all the lying, huh?

I smacked my forehead.

If only I knew.

I ran a tired hand down my face and exhaled slowly. My father left us when he decided women in their early twenties satisfied him more than his actual wife, son, and daughter. I barely trusted men since then but I met Elijah. He changed my world and I saw it from a completely different point of view. I thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives together but when he died, everything changed. The wall went up and I promised myself I would focus on the safety of my family and nothing else. I then met Harry and my world spun again. I fell in love...only to what? Get heartbroken again?

Love sucked.

I envied the couples who everyone knew were going to stay together until they died. I had to admit, I had jealousy issues but so did everyone else on this planet. Some were professionals at hiding it, though. I, on the other hand, was not. I just wanted some answers. Was it so hard to call me back? I was almost certain Harry had seen my missed calls by now. Why had he not called me back? I knew my cell phone was dead but he could have called the house phone. It was not that hard. Or was I not that important anymore because he was with Jillian?