NOT MUCH HAD CHANGED IN the way we spoke to one another—except for the fact that we stood five feet away from each other. We still went on adventures but he drove in his vehicle and I drove in mine. At work, we tried our best to act like everything was all right. If we no longer had feelings for each other, everything would have been fine. However, our hearts still wanted each other, making everything not okay. We never questioned why we rode in separate vehicles when we hung out or why I never went to his house and why he never came back to mine or why we blurted out random flaws about ourselves at the most inconvenient times. Ever since the kiss, questioning our actions only made things worse.
It had been a month and three days since the kiss but it still felt like yesterday. The memory was still fresh in my mind and it was ruining every passing day. I knew I was never going to be able to forget about it. When Jillian came up to the herb shop to help out, I had to leave the room and find something else to do. She was the wall that was separating me from what I wanted. I constantly told myself it would get better but nothing had gotten easier.
It only got harder.
I had been looking for a second job because the herb shop was just not enough to pay the bills. Everywhere I looked, no one was hiring and my hope was slowly draining. I had not talked to my mother since I told her I never wanted to speak to her again. I wanted to call her for some advice but I knew I could not do that. There was no one to go to for help. I refused to go to Harry because I knew he would help me. I did not want to feel like I owed him after everything we had been through. Every night, I flipped through the newspaper, highlighting articles I thought were interesting and cutting out job articles I believed I had a chance with.
Out of all the hours in the day, though, the hour I hated the most was when I had to take a shower. I really hated this particular hour because I was currently standing under the shower water, letting it soak my entire body. Taking a shower meant standing there with my own thoughts. They were ready to come out and as I stood there, they took action and they made me think. I wanted something to distract me while I showered. Music barely helped and when I tried to think of something other than the kiss and my money situation, I always thought of something that would soon enough connect back to my horrid thoughts.
Maybe I could redecorate the house to get my mind off of things.
That's actually a really good idea. Oh, wait. You barely have any money.
What if I ask Greysen to come over for popcorn and a movie?
That would be a great idea, Sydney. Bravo. Too bad you forgot to pay the cable bill and if Greysen comes over, he'll remind you of his friendship with Harry and mentioning Harry will only remind you of the kiss. And oh, yeah. You don't even have popcorn. Idiot.
I hated my mind for playing tricks on me. I was always fooling myself and I was getting tired of it. Nothing was getting accomplished by doing this to myself. I was torturing myself more and more with each passing day. It was wrong but it was also right. I tried to ruin a relationship; therefore, I had to be taught a lesson. Not getting paid enough was probably one of the consequences of being selfish. Getting ready to get evicted was possibly another. I deserved everything that was happening to me.
The only good thing out of this was that they had not found me yet.
I turned off the water and pushed the shower curtain back. Wrapping the towel around myself, I stepped out of the shower and moved my wet hair away from my eyes. The bathroom mirror was foggy and I decided to leave the door open for a bit to let the room air out. I gathered my dirty clothes and took them to my room. I was going job hunting again today and I hoped I would be more successful. If not, tomorrow was a brand new day with new hopes and dreams. Clare had given me a few days off—which was not going to look good on my paycheck—but I really needed this time to get a second job.
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Candles
أدب الهواة[C O M P L E T E D ✓] They were curious. They both had their own share of secrets. He was a man living in the present. She was a woman living in the past. He was a candle, ready to see everything she was keeping in the dark. And she was the w...
