My story starts when I was in fifth grade. I had a pretty good life but then a hurricane basically wiped out my town. I was displaced for over a year and spent a month in a different school. Everyone there thought it'd be funny to make fun of me since I couldn't shower daily in my situation and my family could only afford fast food so I wasn't exactly getting skinnier. I began to stop eating but my family thought I was just sick of hamburgers which we all were anyways. People would come up to me and pour their water bottles on my head at recess in an attempt to clean me a little. So then I get back to my town but I'm living in a dingy little apartment. I was just starting to hit puberty so I was really awkward but my mom didn't want to explain anything to me so I had no clue what to do about anything and had to figure everything out for myself. My best friend who id known forever wasn't back yet. She'd still come over to my house and stuff but she'd rarely respond to my texts and seemed distant. Eventually when she got back we stopped hanging out. I had a few friends that I would hang out with occasionally but no one to share that special best friend bond with. After that I desperately wanted to come out as bi but I was terrified. There was so much stress on me and I would dig my nails into my wrists. One day I will never forget this. I was showering and I saw my razor. I needed to feel more pain than I was and I glanced at it afraid my parents would somehow know instantly. Either way I pinched some skin up on my thigh and slid the razor across. The blood wouldn't come out but panicked I furiously continued trying. Eventually I drew blood. I wore jeans the next day which was a huge mistake. The cuts reopened and blood soaked through the denim. I blamed it on my period and ran into the bathroom and stopped the bleeding and got a new pair of jeans from the nurse. I continued on like this for a while. But then summer came and I was an avid swimmer and in case you didn't know swim suits don't hide your thighs. So I became famous for "accidentally" running into the water with my shorts on. I made a new best friend with a girl I swam with. I had already been friends with her but now we were hanging out a lot so we became closer. One of my other friends not my best one found out I was cutting. They forced me to tell my parents and I did. They made me go to therapy and I'm still in it today. I stopped cutting because my parents would know where to look and I didn't have any bright ideas at the time. I got put on medication for my newly diagnosed depression and anxiety. It worked for a while. I wound up telling my best friend about my cutting issues and depression. She said she wished I had never told her. That hit me hard. From that day on she always seems annoyed with me to this day like everything I do is some kind of attention seeking attempt. I relapsed recently after being clean for months. I was so angry at myself and everything and I just feel like all my friends hate me and only like me because they like my best friend and then they're stuck with me because she's stuck with me and yeah. So that's my story. Post it or not I don't care but thanks because that felt really fucking good to type out.
