"Maybe when you feel more in love with your memories than with the person standing in front of you.."
I woke up and groaned when I saw the sun shining in through the curtains. I didn't remember where I fell asleep, so I looked around and saw I was back in my room. I got up and went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I looked like a mess. I had mascara running down my face. I didn't remember why until I heard Kenzie yelling downstairs. I finally remembered that we had gone through pictures, and I had started crying. Obviously, if you looked at me, I passed out in the closet and was carried to my bed. I got in the shower and made myself look better than when I woke up. I went downstairs to see everybody laughing. All the boys and my parents were here, which cheered me up a little. Colson smiled when he saw me. He was playing with all three kids and it made me smile to see him happy. And to see my kids happy, including Casie. I sat down at the island next to Ash and Kenzie.
"I told Ash about last night." Kenzie said quietly.
"Okay..?"
"Listen Skylar. I love you and I love him, and I know you have Allie and Colson, but you have to do what makes you happy and what's good for you." Ash said looking at me, no sign of her joking around. I sighed.
"Okay..I'm not that happy anymore but that doesn't mean the decision I have to make would be necessarily good for me or him."
"That's true." Kenzie said. Ash nodded and sighed.
"Just take your time and think this through. You don't wanna make a mistake with what you deicde to do." I hugged her and went to sit by the pool. I heard the door open and saw Colson coming out to join me.
"I love you Skylar." I couldn't help but smile, no matter how unhappy I was today.
"I love you too Colson." he kissed me and we felt little hands tapping our backs. We turned around and saw Allie and Colson behind us. I laughed and brought Allie into my lap. He did the same with Colson. We dipped their feet in the water and they laughed.
"Hey, Uncle Rook wants to see them!" Rookie came up behind us with Kenzie.
"Yeah, their godmother barely sees them since she moved."
"Girl you live across the street." I laughed. They picked them up and took them to the other side of the pool, at the other end, leaving us alone to talk.
"Are you okay today? You seem..different."
"I'm fine. Just don't feel too great." I knew I had to talk to him, but I still needed to think and this wasn't the time or place to do it. He nodded and smiled. I hated lying to him though...
It was dark outside and I was laying on our hammock on my phone. I was going through emails Jess was sending me and trying to think straight. I knew what I needed to do, but I didn't know when or how to do it. I was trying to work it out in my head, but nothing seemed to work for me. I was reading an email from Jess about going to L.A., when it hit me. I sat up and dialed her number.
"Hey Sky, what's up?"
"I have a question Jess.."
...
"Are you sure you wanna do this?"
"I'm sure. And I need to do this...for me."
"Okay..call me once you done what you need to." I hung up and called Kenzie outside to tell her my plan. She said she'd be there for me no matter what. Ash came with her, so she knew what she'd have to be dealing with.
"When are you gonna do it?"
"Definitely after Casie leaves tomorrow. She doesn't need to be here when I do this. But I'll make sure to say goodbye and try and explain to her a little so she isn't the last one to know when she does find out."
"Good luck. You never know, it might end up being good for you. It might be worth it." Ash said before we all went inside.
I woke up and went down to Casie's room to hang out with her before she left. We played dress up in my closet most of the afternoon. Once Tasha got to our house, I left Casie inside with Colson to go talk to her. I explained what I was doing and why, and she understood. She got in the car and let me talk to Casie.
"Is everything okay mommy?"
"Listen sweetie. You know I love you right?" she nodded. "I always will, no matter what happens. I-I won't..be around for a little. Keep Daddy happy, okay?" she nodded and hugged me.
"I promise I will try my hardest to keep him happy. But who's gonna keep you happy?"
"You're brother and sister, and Aunt Kenzie." she smiled and hugged me one last time. I tried to hold back my tears until she left. I waved as they left. That wasn't the hardest goodbye I was gonna make today...
I went inside and went to the living room. Everyone but Colson was there, which I was glad. I knew I'd see them here and there, but these people had grown to be more than just my friends. They were my family now.
"Listen guys, thanks for always being there. And thank you for supporting me with this decision."
"It's what you need Sky. I'm proud of you for doing what you feel is right for you." Rookie said.
"Just...try to make sure he understands so he doesn't feel completely horrible and blame himself for this." Slim said. I nodded. They all knew he wasn't gonna want it to happen or want to understand why it was happening the way it was. Kenzie gave me the letter I had asked her to hold. I walked to the stairs, looking up, feeling sick and like I couldn't move. I finally walked up, not so ready to do this.
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I have the second part done. Don't know when I'll upload it. Hope you enjoyed!
