Shadowhunter Songfics

Drive (Julemma/ Jemma fanfic)

Emma insisted on taking the wheel because she feels like her emotions would eat her up the shotgun seat once she allowed them to be remembered once more.

Driving on a patrol routine is never awkward between her and Julian, who is moping beside her -- but then, everything was never awkward between them. It just happened that they share the same love for each other; the type of love forbidden by the oath that binds them. Because of this love, she now sees herself and Julian lying in the sands straddled against each other. She now feels how his lips felt against her skin even if Cameron once planted his all over her, even if Mark tried to mark her as his. But that loves makes her see him more than a carnal vessel -- he was always hers, and she never realized until now. She would always have his back oath or no oath, and she knows he would do the same. She had always thought that they were like siblings, but that was when she was a child. She wanted more, but she knows deep down it isn't possible. She'll wreck both of their worlds if she acted on it. She would never want that, even if every single nerve inside her body is practically encouraging her to be selfish and allow herself to feel happy for once.

"Emma?" She heard him call. She had always loved the way her name rolls on his tongue. She could hear all the different ways Julian could say her name and not fall asleep. She loved how he moaned her name back their at the beach. She loved how he whispers her name every time he tries to wake her up in the morning or when he tries to get her attention during their classes. She had always loved the way he says her name even if his voice is laced with hesitation and panic.

"Emma." Julian snapped once more. Emma blinked her eyes out and hit the gas much to her surprise. She yelped and hit the brake, making the car swerve on the sidewalk. Her heart tensed. She was practically gasping for air. She looked at Julian only finding him doing the same thing.

"What the hell was that?" He breathlessly said.

She can only mutter her apologies.

"Emma, are you alright?" Julian asked. She looked at him, and cocked his head to one side his eyes burning with pained curiosity.

"I'm fine." She snapped. Realizing what she said, she took a deep breath and attempted a far more friendlier approach. "It's not like I bonked my head or...something."

Julian can only stare. He could tell she was off. But then, he observed that she was always off these days. The Emma she knew would make a far better sarcastic remark about hitting her head. Deep down, he thinks it's his fault for showing too much.

"Are you sure?" He inquired. Emma only nodded, which is so not her. He attempted to bring the old Emma back. "Because I can totally see that you mistook the gas pedal for the brake. I can totally sense that your mind is floating elsewhere -- Burger King, maybe? And I think you do not realize that we are in the wrong street." He was a good liar but never was a good joker, but he thinks that would have to do.

"What do you mean we're on the wrong street?" Emma snapped sharply. Julian allowed himself to smile, which slightly caught her off course but hid it the best she could.

"The demon we're supposed to hunt is like three blocks from here but you -"

Emma cursed loudly and veered the car sharply.

The Emma he knew is back; bloodlusted and snarky and all that -- for now. He could see her true feelings dancing beneath her eyes sparkling for battle. After the hunt they will be back in the same situation again: driving back to the Institute in complete silence because both of them are too occupied on thinking how they could hide their feelings for each other. He wanted to be selfish and take her for himself -- he's had enough burden to carry but with her love, he knows he could shrug all of it easily. But deep down he knows what he will be sacrificing for it -- he'll be sacrificing his family who needed him at the hands of his uncle and Mark who are both too incompetent to raise his siblings and he'll be wasting Emma's only chance to avenge hers by forcing her into an exile with him. Malcolm's dead, but knowing her, she probably wants to do more than stab him in the gut. But after what happened to Tavvy, he probably wants to do more than shoot bolts in his eyes too.