A Faded Love

Chapter 3

July 23, 2015 - 2:43 A.M.

I am currently on a plane headed to North Carolina. I am between my mom and a stranger who snores very loudly. My mom is fast asleep with her mouth wide open. Why am I, a California girl, switching coasts? Well, it's exciting news, Tobin. Coach Anson Dorrance has invited me to a UNC soccer camp where he wanted the opportunity to watch me play soccer in person. I was so excited to have the opportunity to play in front of a great coach and showcase my skills at UNC, my dream school!

Alex. She will appear in my mind once in a while, but right now I just want to focus on myself. I lied to her by saying that I was going to North Carolina for a family vacation. I felt bad for lying to her, but I just could not tell her that I would be participating at a UNC camp. Her dream was for us to play soccer at Berkeley together, but when I was recruited by Berkeley and went on a visit there, I didn't feel right. It did not feel like home and I could not see myself being a student there. But, I can picture myself wearing the Carolina blue uniform and singing the Carolina fight song. I could see myself being a student at UNC and it makes me excited for what my future holds. But, I want Alex to be in my future. We will just have to see after what happens at the camp.

Journal entry quote: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11"

Alex didn't know how to react. She was shocked when she saw Tobin's dream school was UNC and not Berkeley and she was hurt when she found out Tobin lied to her. She was also upset because knowing that Tobin was a great soccer player, she knew that something great resulted from the camp. Seeing that it was late, Alex took the journal with her and drove home. After dinner and taking a shower, she continued to read Tobin's journal.

July 24, 2015 – 8:21 P.M.

First day of camp is done! I think I did a good job at camp. Today we worked on our technical skills and did some possession games. My first touches were good and I thought I made some good passes. At the end, we had a small-sided scrimmage and I was able to showcase my crafty skills. I think I impressed some of the coaches, but I did not dare to look at Coach Anson. To be honest, he intimidates me. After practice, Coach Anson came up to me and told me that I was very good with the ball at my feet and a skilled player. All I could do was smile because I was in awe that the Anson Dorrance told me I was great player.

Also, we took a tour of UNC. I was amazed at the campus and I instantly fell in love with it. The soccer field was beautiful and I saw pictures of Mia Hamm and Kristine Lilly on the wall. My two idols played here and I might have the chance to play here too.

I am pretty tired right now and I have two practices left in this camp. Let's see how it goes. Goodnight.

Journal entry quote: "Work until your idols become your rivals."

July 26, 2015 – 9:37 P.M.

Camp is over! The past two days were amazing and I showcased many of my skills. Every practice I gave 110% and I impressed the coaches. I even impressed Coach Anson. After practice Coach Anson pulled me aside and asked me if I received offers from any school yet. I told him about Berkeley and he was shocked that only one school gave me an offer. He proceeded to tell me that he would be my second offer. He told me that he liked what he saw and could see me playing at UNC. He liked my style of play, my craftiness, and he even enjoyed my style to meg players. He asked me if I ever expressed interest in playing at UNC and I told him how it has been my dream school ever since I was ten. Then, he asked if I would like the opportunity to play at my dream school. I stood there shocked because I thought I was dreaming. Since I was staying in North Carolina for two more days, he told me he would give me the end of my trip to decide. His roster for the 2016 graduating class was almost full so he needed an answer ASAP.

I just finished talking to my mom on the phone. She said I should take this opportunity because I've wanted this ever sine I was little. But what would Alex think? I was so busy focusing on myself, I forgot about what she would think. If she really loved me, then she should be happy for me...right?

Journal entry quote: "Love lets you find those hidden places in another person."

July 28, - 5:42 P.M.

I am currently on the plane heading home and guess what!? I'm going to be a Tar Heel! I verbally committed to UNC and Coach Anson offered me a full scholarship. I am so happy that I have achieved my dreams.

But one thing that has been on my mind is what would Alex think of this? I told myself that I would keep this to myself until the time is right. I'm too scared of what she would say and if she would break up with me. I know I should have told her that UNC was my dream school, but hearing her dream of the both of us playing at Berkeley made me consider it. But after touring Berkeley, something wasn't right. UNC is right for me and I hope Alex understands that.

I am trying to look on the bright side. I am going to my dream school! I was screaming and crying tears of joy once I said yes. I cannot wait to graduate and attend UNC.

Journal entry quote: "The most important thing is to enjoy your life – to be happy – it's all that matters."

Alex closed the book and wiped away the tears from her eyes. She didn't realize she was crying so much. It was all too much for her. She was angry, sad, hurt, but also happy. She was happy that Tobin received a full scholarship to UNC, but she had wished Tobin had told her everything because now, Alex wished she never received an offer from Berkeley. Then, she remembered Cheney telling her to read the journal entry titled, Alex.

Alex

Ever since I came back from North Carolina, I could not seem to forget about Alex. Every time I get excited about UNC, I remember Alex and then I feel scared. I am scared. I don't know how to tell her, I don't know how she will react, and I don't know if she would ever forgive me. I wish things were so much easier.

I want her to be happy. That is all I want. I know she would be even happier if I were to go to Berkeley, but I would be dragging her down because I would not be happy. I would be happy that I get to spend time with Alex, but I would not be happy because it's not UNC.

Alex, if you are reading this, I want you to take a deep breath. I know you might be mad and hurt about my decision and my constant lies. But I am sorry. I want you to go to Berkeley without me. Be a superstar over there and I will be one at UNC. We can start our own legacies at our own schools.

Alex started to cry even more. Did Tobin know Alex would eventually find her journal and read it? So many questions spun around in Alex's head and she was desperate for answers.

I couldn't tell you I was going to a UNC camp because we had just talked about Berkeley together. I didn't want to ruin your happiness. I was trying to protect you. I kept everything to myself because I did not want to hurt you. But then, I realized that no matter what, you are still going to experience pain. And I am sorry.

I know you did not receive an offer from Berkeley yet, but I know you will eventually. I want you to know that I did not have that "home" feeling when I went on the Berkeley tour, but at UNC, it felt so much like home. It was like a home away from home.

I regret lying to you, I really do, but you know me. I can't stand hurting you. I know it is going to be tough since we are on different coasts, but I promise I will make it work.

Alex read the word "promise." Alex laughed, "you promised me you would attend Berkeley with me once we both received offers, but you broke that. How do I know if you are going to keep this promise?" she asked herself.

"Because it's a promise I am willing to sacrifice everything for to keep. Even if it means not going to UNC," Alex heard a familiar voice say.

Alex turned around to see a familiar face standing at her door, "Tobin?"