Degrees of Separation

Hers: [3] Bargaining

Crying felt like a routine. Whenever I was alone in my room, I couldn't help but to stare at the ceiling and my tears will flow without my permission.

I hate it. I hate that I still think about him. I hate that I was still hoping. I hate that our friends looked at me with pity. I hate that he could go on with his life while I'm still stuck here. I hate that every thing felt normal to them, but it has never been the same for me.

My world revolved around him for years. And in one phone call, I lost everything.

Hindi ko pa rin maintindihan kung paano nangyari. Paanong biglang isang araw hindi na niya ako mahal. Hindi ko maintindihan kasi hanggang ngayon siya pa rin. Hanggang ngayon mahal ko pa rin siya.

Maybe, I could never understand his reason.

I reached for my phone and checked if he replied but he didn't. I even stooped this low for him. Ni tuldok man lang wala.

I bit my lower lip and closed my eyes before pressing the call button.

But he didn't pick up.

All I could hear was ending dial tones.

The world continued living and I continued barely surviving. I had no choice but to continue my life without him, I had survived my life before him.

Everything was a blur. I attended my classes, spent my free time with friends, attended some family gatherings, studied until I fell I asleep. I did everything that could consume me, so I won't have the time to think about him.

It has been my routine for couple of months. And I grew tired of it, every day.

I tried calling him again but I always failed.

Maybe, if I loved him harder, he could've stayed.

"Please, Clyde? Give us another chance. I promise, I'd do everything," I held his hand but he brushed it off. I swallowed the pain, my tears threatening to fall. "Please..." I begged him.

I can't stand how he looked at me, I can't stand how he stared at me with disgust.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"You told me that we will never break up. Ang sabi mo saakin mamahalin mo ako hanggang dulo. You have to keep that promise, Clyde."

I held to his shirt like my life depended on it. He moved closer to me, holding me in his arms.

"I'm sorry, Dani. But I couldn't keep that promise anymore."

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