2 weeks later...
Its today, today is the day of Leila's funeral. Its about 11 o'clock now, her funeral is at 1. My dress is hanging on the door and Adams suit is next to it. Paisley dress is neatly on the chair, I didn't really want to take her but we couldn't find a babysitter. I don't know what Adam is doing he's been outside in the garden for more than half an hour. He's getting much better now, its like having my husband back. Today is really going to test him, I know I need to be his rock for today. I can't help but worry that's its going to push him back though. I looked out the window, I saw Adam leaning over the balcony picking petals off flowers. Leaves fell from the trees, it was autumn now. A cold breeze came in through the window, I pulled on my jeans and a t-shirt and headed out the door. I pulled on a coat and picked Adams up off the hook, I walked through the kitchen over to Adam. His face was blank, like he was miles away. He had a daisy in his hand, he was pulling all the petals off and sprinkling them over the floor. I touched his arm, it was freezing. I draped his coat over his shoulders and put my arms around his waist. He practically jumped out of his skin, "oh hey Lola sorry was miles away" he said his eyes meeting mine. "Its fine, how are you feeling?" I asked. "Honestly, I don't know" he said looking down.
"its ok, im here for you." I said wrapping my arms around his waist. "I really appreciate it, I don't know what I would do without you!" he said putting his hands round my waist and kissing my head. "We had better get changed babe" I said. "Hmm I guess so" he replied.
As I zipped up my dress I looked over at Adam, he looked hot! He had a black suit on with a white shirt, his hair was up in its usual style with a stray bit of hair over his eyes. I sat Paisley on the bed propped up by pillows and walked over to Adam, he was standing by the window. As he turned round he was fiddling with his tie, I took it in my hands and fixed it for him. I looked at my phone, "its time, you ready?" I said looking at Adam. "Yeah I guess so" he replied. He picked up Paisley and took my hand, we walked downstairs and opened the front door. "I think I'll drive us babe" I said. "Yeah fine" Adam replied getting into the passenger side. I climbed in next to him and reversed out the driveway, I glanced at him he was looking down at his lap. As the church came into view I saw loads of people crowding outside, I parked the car and climbed out. Adam got out and picked up Paisley, I locked the car as Adam took my hand in his.
Eber and Neil came walking over, "hey guys how are you healing?" I asked. "Yeah not too bad thanks, how's he bearing up?" he said nodding towards Adam who was talking to someone he knew. "To be honest he's better than he was, but he hasn't said much today I just hope this isn't going to tip him over the edge again" I said. "We are all here for him, its going to be tough but he's a strong man" Eber replied. I heard horses hooves clopping up the path, I turned round and saw a horse drawn carriage carrying Leila. The vicar appeared at the door, "if you would all like to make your way in, the service is about to start". Everyone filed inside, I took Paisley from Adam and kissed his cheek. "I'll be inside baby" I told him. He nodded his head and walked over to the carriage with Neil, Eber and some other people I didn't know.
I found our seat, it was near the front. I gave Paisley her dummy I knew this would stop her crying. Music started playing as I turned round, I saw Adam carrying Leila up the aisle with Eber and Neil. They put her on the table and went to their seats. Adam sat next to me, I held his hand as the vicar started reciting some holy stuff. Everyone stood up as we sang some hymns, Adams voice was quieter than the rest of the church. Then it was time for Eber to say a few words." Leila you were my one true love, you gave me two beautiful boys. Now you're gone, I don't know what I will do without you. I will try and guide the boys in the right direction, knowing you will be watching us from above. I love you so much, and I will always keep you in my heart." It was so heartfelt I found a tear rolling down my cheek, I looked round at Adam his eyes were full of tears. Then it was Neil's speech " Mom you have always been here for me when I needed you, I know I will miss you so much. But please don't worry me and Adam will look after dad. I love you forever and I will never forget you." it was short and sweet.
Adam stepped onto the stage. "Mom, well what can I say. You have always been here for me and Neil, you have always supported my through my problems and obstacles. You have supported me through the struggle of my sexuality and have always been behind me in my choice to embrace it. Im so glad you got to meet my beautiful wife and daughter. I hate the fact you wont see Paisley grow up. I will always remember you and we will look after dad. I love you forever and always." The whole church was silent as Adam stepped off the stage, he sat down next to me as tears tumbled down his face. I pulled him into me and hugged him tight, the vicar ended the ceremony as Leila headed towards the curtain at the end of the table. Adam watched as his mom disappeared and the curtains closed, it was all over. Everyone started filing out, Eber and Neil followed them stopping by Adam. "You coming son?" Eber asked. "In a minute" Adam replied. "Do you want some time alone?" I asked him. He didn't reply, I picked up Paisley and kissed Adams head. "Im outside if you need me" I told him heading out the door.
I stood outside talking to Eber and Neil, the wake was at their house. Everyone was deep in conversation talking about how wonderful Leila was. As everyone went to go to the wake Adam still hadn't appeared. Eber and Neil were about to leave, "where's Adam?" Neil asked. "Give me a minute, you go ahead we will catch you up" I told them. "Ok then don't be too long, there will be no food left!" Eber said taking Paisley. "Will be there as soon as, be good for granddad Paisley" I said heading back into the church. I ran up the aisle and saw Adam staring at the curtain crying. "Oh baby" I said putting my hands over his shoulders. " I cant believe she actually gone, it feels as though she is still here" Adam said. "She isn't though and you know it, she will always be with you in here" I said placing my hand on his heart. "Now come on we need to go to the wake, you need to at least show your face. If it gets too much we can go home, I promise" I told him. "Ok then, wait where's Paisley?!" he said. "Your dad has her, she was getting grumpy standing around. Eber took her back to the wake" I said.
A look of relief came over his face as he stood up and put his arms around my waist. He kissed my head "I have no idea what I would do without you" he said into my hair. I smiled "I don't know either, besides when I married you I vowed to be there for you" I said. We climbed into the car and set out to Ebers house. As we pulled into the drive there were loads of people inside, as we knocked on the door Neil answered it. "Oh hi come on in Paisley is asleep, she was tired" Neil told us moving aside. We stepped inside, Eber handed us both a drink "help yourselves to food" he said as a quest grabbed him.
2 hours later
After numerous people coming up to us, I was getting pretty bored with "im sorry for your loss" I could tell Adam was too. Everyone was starting to get tipsy, I think me and Adam were the only ones that weren't. Someone else came up to us "im sorry for your loss Adam your mom was a great person" the said. I could tell Adam was about to scream, "shall we go?" I asked. He nodded and went to get Paisley from upstairs, "Hey Eber we are going to go, Paisley needs her feed and Adam is exhausted" I told him. "That's ok, will see you sometime in the week yes?" he asked. "Yeah you sure will, thanks for a good party" I said heading towards the front door.
We pulled into the driveway, Adam unlocked the front door as we went inside. Adam put Paisley to bed as I made us both a hot chocolate, I grabbed Adams pills and headed upstairs turning off the lights as I went. Adam was laying on the bed in his pants, his hair had gone flat and was over his left eye. "Here baby, I got you a hot chocolate. Take your tablets im going to have a shower" I said handing him the bottle and cup. I stepped into the shower as warm water rushed over my body. I had a quick wash and stepped out of the shower, I wrapped a towel around myself and dried my hair letting it tumble down my back. I pulled on my pjs and went back into the bedroom. Adam was curled up in a ball gently snoring, I pulled the duvet over him and slid in next to him...
