Darcy. {cth}

J.1

(4:00am)
(Tuesday)
(The 13th)

I'm sobbing into my pillow. I lost the first person who tired to know me. Today was also the Anniversary of my father's death.

I dread this day everyday. I'm not going to class. I don't want to even live right now. I grab my notebook and write.

Death. This girl has thought about death for most of her life. But mostly on the 13th of October. She thought she had someone, but was wrong. In a way it was her fault. She drove him to be this way and now she has shut down once again.

I fall asleep.

(2:00pm.)

I have dry tears on my hands. I can't move if I do I know I'll break every bone in my body. Everyone thinks this is about Calum, only a little bit is about that. I just miss my dad.

Flashback •

It was the 1st anniversary of my dads death. My mother wasn't bothered neither my brother.

"Dad died this same time last year." I speck up at the dinner table. Then my mother slaps me. That's what I get for opening my mouth.

"Darcy, never speck of your father. Go to your room." She yells and I do as I was told. I run in my room and open my window.

I wanna fall out. I wanna die.

Then I heard my father's voice in the back of my head. "Everything will be okay soon."
I didn't do it. Sometimes I wish.

Instead I go in my closet and write things on the wall. Things I've always wanted to say. Things that mean the most to me.

Flashback over •

"Darcy?" Jasmin knocks on the door. I don't answer her. "Did you go to class?"

Nothing.

"I'm just going to get you some coffee." Is the last thing she says before she leaves.

It's really nice to know she cared. I mean she was a real friend. I wanted to tell her everything. I knew I couldn't just yet.

{CALUMS POINT OF VIEW}

I didn't go to class. I was with this girl Jessica. I think that was her name. Apparently she told me that I was her boyfriend. I didn't want to be, but if it would get my mind off Darcy I'll try anything.

"Babe you wanna get coffee?" She asks.

Darcy would want coffee at this time.

"I guess and don't call be babe." I roll my eyes at her. I get up and put a shirt and my convers. Jessica starts getting my clothes putting them on.

I wonder how Darcy would look in my clothes?

"Aye, Luke I'm going out you want anything?" I ask as I walk out of my room.

"I wanna know who this is?" He says pointing at Jessica.

"This is Jessica. I met her at a party Sunday." I shrug and leave.

(Coffee house)

"So what's do you like to do?" She asks sipping her coffee.

"I don't know." I shrug.

"Don't you wanna know something about me?" She asks.

"You already told me everything." I sigh going on my phone.

"Well do you wanna go to the park?" She asks.

"No." I bluntly say.

"Wanna make out at your place?" She asks.

"I guess." I shrug.

I know I sound like a total dick it's just because nothing about her interests me. I like a girl with goals. I just want her to leave.

(My dorm)

As kiss Jessica and it doesn't feel right. I pull away and see Darcy in her face. I back up against the wall.

"You're not her." I whisper and she looks at me with a confused look.

"I'm not who?" She asks.

"No one. Can we just watch a movie?" I suggest and she nods putting on some movie.

Through the movie I couldn't help but think :

I wish this was Darcy.

I wonder how Darcy is doing.

(End of movie)

Jessica left and I was kinda happy she didn't stay another night.

"So how is the girlfriend doing?" Luke asks sitting down next to me in the couch.

"Darcy and I aren't dating." I defend.
"I'm talking about Jessica." He laughs.

"Oh yeah I don't know she's fine." I shrug.

"Are you into Darcy?" He questions.
"I don't know." But I did know.

"Wow you sound like her." He states. "Anyway, Jasmin told me she is a mess right now. She won't even talk."

"Why should I care?" I scoff.

I did care though.

"I thought you had something to do with it. When I talked to her last night she left. I thought she might have went to find you." He explains.

"Maybe that's the girl Jessica was talking to that day after we uh never mind. Do you think she's crying because of me?" I ask.

"I mean maybe partly, but Darcy isn't the type to cry over a boy there has to be more to this," He says, "Does she tell you her problems?"

"No, she doesn't really talk to anyone about her life." I sigh.

"The night the guys and I tried to talk to her she said you guys don't know anything. Maybe she meant something more." Luke says.

"I don't know all I know is she has a boyfriend and he can deal with her problems." I huff.

"I think you should talk to her." He says leaving to his room.

{DARCYS' POINT OF VIEW}

Jasmin got me candy, coffee and ice cream. I still haven't talked at all. I cry here and there. My phone has been buzzing. Mostly Levi asking if I'm okay. It killed me knowing I was with him and I don't even have those types of feeling for him.

Sometimes the guys text asking where I've been. I answered to Bryana and Ashley saying I wasn't feeling well. Which wasn't a lie. I was thinking about my dad which made it worse.

I wrote a lot today in my notebook. Enough to be in a novel. While I was writing I was looking at old pictures of my dad and I. He taught me everything I know.

I was crying once again missing the crap out of my dad. I wonder if he's seeing me suffer from Heaven. I wonder what he would say right now. I would give anything just to see my dad one last time.

I hear a knock on my door and I was thinking it would probably be Jasmin with some nuts. I was wrong. I saw Calum his clothes were wet. It must be raining.

"Calum." I breathe.