All Just Words

LATER

*EDITED*

The truth was boiling up inside me for what felt like years and when it finally all came out, it realisation of what I did started to settle in. The thought of it alone was enough to make anyone feel sick with regret. The moment the words came spilling out of my mouth and I took one look at her, I knew that I screwed up. Not that I didn't feel this way before, it's just that this time it's real, it's happening and I can't take it back.

"It was just a kiss it meant nothing I swear." The taste of alcohol and lust still lingering, as I pulled my lips together between my teeth trying to remove the taunting sensation. "I didn't know what I was doing, I was drunk." The typical excuse. "If you would have looked after me properly, then none of this would have happened" the blame game...well done Nate.

"If I should have looked after you!?" She scoffed, shaking her head and looking away from me. "You're a fully grown man Nathan, you shouldn't need to have some babysit you whenever you go out, just because you are incapable of looking after yourself, it doesn't excuse you for what you did!"

"It. Didn't. Mean. Anything!" I spoke clearly accentuating each word.

"You liar." She cried pounding my chest in anger. "Every word that comes out of your mouth it packed full of lies. I can't believe you did that to me. I trusted you. I cared for you. Loved you when nobody else would. When your family were falling to pieces who was there for you? They left you, alone, but who was there for you? You didn't even know what to do with yourself, at least you have your 'other' family and friends to go to, OH wait you hurt them and pushed them away to!"

Her hand covered her mouth instantly. Automatically filling with regret, a hint of apology gleamed in her eye waiting to share it with someone. Then she stared at me.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Charlotte apologised walking over to me, arm reaching out and coming closer and closer, I begin to move away trying to escape her powerful grasp before it's too late and before I fall into that trap again.

"No. No don't stay away from me." I said placing my hands in front of me, creating a shield and she started to step back. "If that's how you feel then... I understand." I spoke almost emotionless. There was no fight left in me to show any emotion anymore. I feel an all to familiar lump rise into my throat and begin to grow, practically inhibiting my power to speak. I close my eyes and take a deep breath to try and fight back the hurt that I was feeling.

"I didn't mean-" She whispered coming close still, the paleness of her face being shattered by an ever flow of anger and tears.

"I said stay away!" I shouted causing her to jump and move away cowering, holding her arms and hands to her chest like a child. "What's the point anymore. There's nothing now" That sentence hard to say, as I forced the words out.

I pushed way through, barging past causing her to dart across the room trying to avoid the floor that was covered in broken glass and torn pictures. I grabbed anything of slight importance: Phone, keys, wallet.

That's it.

I just continue to walk towards the door, ignoring the repetitive calling of my name and pleads for me to stay.

I had a second thought before closing the door behind me. No. Not again. Not this time.