Titium Heart

Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Iris’ POV

When I saw him outside I didn’t know what to think. Should I feel mad at myself for not going with him? Should I feel pissed at Blake for ruining the only almost perfect thing in my life? Or should I pity my fate?

My eyes welled up with tears. My vision became blurry. Before those tears could fall, I ran towards the bathroom without even excusing myself. I mean, what was the point of excusing? There was no humanity left in this world, as all can see.

I rushed inside and opened the tap and washed my face repeatedly. I didn’t want to see my face in the mirror; my face was an epitome of guilt and grief. After masking my face with a little make up, I decided to return to my table.

I closed the bathroom door and noticed a guy raping me with his eyes. I ignored him and walked ahead, that’s when I felt his hand come in contact with my butt cheek. Should I kick him? Should I yell ‘rape’? Or should I just ignore him, and walk away?

The last option seemed more appropriate. Because if I yelled, Blake would appear and kill the guy and I had lost all self-respect already, so why should I kick him? I just walked away, with tears in my eyes, feeling helpless.

‘What happened?’ Blake asked.

‘Nothing,’ I tried to keep my face emotionless.

Blake ordered for himself and me as well. The dinner arrived and Blake was evidently flirting with the waitress whose collar was a little lower than last time I had seen. I just ignored them and stared out the window.

A couple was walking on the pavement, hand in hand. They looked at each other with the look of pure love. My heart burst in envy. I looked away and concentrated on the red roses in front of me, wishing I was one. So I wouldn’t feel anything.

I ate a small portion of my food and I was full. Blake tried to make small talk with me but I wasn’t in the mood to play along. I didn’t want desert but Blake did, so I had no choice. I waited until he was done and then we left.

The car ride was silent. Blake turned the radio on and ‘Coming Home’ by Skylar Grey was on. Her voice was so damn sad that I just couldn’t help stop the tears and I made no attempt to wipe them. Usually I didn’t let him see my tears but I wanted him and my parents to see how much pain I was in and it was their entire fault.

The salty tears reached my lips and brushed them away with my hand. Blake heard me sniffling and looked at me with concern, which I was sure was just an act. I looked straight and avoided his gaze. We reached home and I literally jumped out of the car and ran towards the front door.

I ran to my bathroom and changed out of the awfully tight dress. I wore my T-shirt and shorts and climbed into bed, under my blanket. I didn’t care what Blake would do, but I still had fear in my heart. His fear, along with the feeling of losing Carter just put the cherry on top of my day.

My bedroom door opened and I knew who it was. In seconds the blanket was pulled off of me. Most of the time I avoided looking Blake in the eyes but today was just the worst day of my existence and I just didn’t have the strength to control my feeling anymore.

I looked him in the eyes, showing him how much pain I was in and it was entirely his fault. Blake stood there staring at me and I could see guilt creep up to his face. That gave me a little sense of victory.

‘Why do you do this?’ I ask in a hoarse voice.

He doesn’t reply.

‘What did I do to deserve this? Am I that bad? Or does God hate me that much? Don’t I deserve to have a happy life? I can’t do this anymore Blake. What do you want with me? You get happiness in seeing me like this? Of course you do. I die a little every day and now I’m just a corpse. And it’s your entire fault.’ My voice cracked and got up from the bed and headed towards my dresser.