Atelophobia (Billy Costigan x Madolyn Madden)

Two

She sat in her office, waiting for the phone to ring. She knew she shouldn't have given him her business card for casual contact, but he was running away from her so quickly she didn't have much of a choice. She didn't want to lose him, she wanted to be with him, for fuck's sake.

She had finally come to terms with herself she was getting feelings for him. She didn't let anyone else know, of course. She was a psychiatrist, she could deal with her conscience herself. She just felt a consistent need to be close to him, or come in physical contact with him , or to see that smile creep across his face just like it did when she admitted she lied to him.

The phone rang.

"Hello?" she picked it up earlier than she'd like to admit. She should have let it ring a time or two.

"Hi. This is Melissa Benken, I'd like to reschedule an appointment if I can?" Not Billy. Damn it.

"Sure, that's fine. What time is the appointment you'd like to reschedule?"

"Tomorrow at 4:30." She said. "I have another appointment tomorrow I'm afraid it clash with and I don't want to be late and waste your time." At least she was nice.

"Thank you for being considerate, I appreciate that. What time would you like to reschedule to?" Madolyn asked.

"Thursday, same time, if it's available?" She said, hopeful.

"I can't give you Thursday at 4:30, I have 2:30 or 6 open right now."

"6 is fine. Thank you, see you then." She said and hung up.

She hoped the next call would be Billy. She needed to hear his voice again.

After a while, it rang again. She let it ring twice before picking it up.

"Hello?" She said. She silently prayed it was Billy.

"Hey, Hotshot." She felt a smile creep across her face.

"Mr. Costigan." She said, trying to sound professional.

"Billy." He said, laughing. "What time do you get off work?"

"7:30." She replied.

"Meet me at the coffee place around the block from your office at 7:45?" He half asked/half stated. She couldn't tell.

"Okay." she said. "See you then."

"See you. Can't wait."

He can't wait to see me! she thought.

----------

She left work at 7:35. At 7:45, she stood outside the small, unpopular coffee shop, her heels starting to make her feet ache. She thought about touching up her makeup, but she didn't want to make it seem like she made a special effort for him. She wasn't sure about how he was going to talk to her, or what about.

At 7:53, he was there. He came around the corner with a cigarette in his mouth, wearing the leather jacket he wore when he saw her first.

"Hey, Hotshot." he said, smiling.

"Hey yourself." She smiled back at him.

"Shall we go in?" he said, placing a hand on the small of her back. It made her shake. "Are you cold?"

"A little bit." She said. I'm not cold, it's just you. She thought to herself.

They went in, and ordered coffee. They had small talk. Talking about work, life, relationships they had. She thought of him as the most damn beautiful thing in the world. Right then, more than anything, she wanted to grab him and wrestle him to the ground and kiss him. But she knew that wasn't acceptable. Not to her, nor to Billy, or Colin. So instead, she kept making small talk.

"Costigan... is that...?" She trailed off.

"Irish." He said, clearing his throat. "I think it was originally Mac Ostigan or something like that."

"An Irishman, huh?" She said, smiling at him.

"I seemed to escape the red hair gene that a lot of my family had. Stereotypical. It's what gave us away most of the time. Not the name, but the hair." he said, chuckling.

"You'd look cute with red hair." She said, fidgeting with her coffee mug.

"You saying I don't look cute now, Miss Madden?" He asked her.

"I didn't say that...didn't say that at all." she blushed.

"Don't worry, Hotshot, you've got enough good looks to cover both of us." He smirked.

She blushed harder, looking down.

"Are you trying to analyze me or something?" He broke the silence.

"What? No, no... I was just... thinking." she said back.

"About?" He looked at her.

"Decisions." She said. "Life."

She knew he was flirting with her. Colin never acted like he did. Colin was somewhat of a distant flirt, but Billy seemed warm and inviting, he'd been hurt so much that he wouldn't hurt anyone else. She thought of herself pinned against his chest, sheltered from the harshness of the world. She felt safe with him. She wanted, more than anything, always to be within arms reach of him so he could protect her.

"Hey, as much as I enjoy this, I really, really do, I gotta get going. I have to be up in the morning pretty early." He said, standing up. "I'd like to do this again, Madolyn." He smiled at her and led her to the door, his hand in the small of her back again.

"I enjoyed this too, Billy," She said. She looked in her purse for a scrap piece of paper, which she found and wrote her address on. "If you want, you can come see me."

"I will sometime when I'm not busy." He replied.

Hug her, kiss her, do something. He thought to himself. He held out his hand, which she shook.

"See you, Billy." She waved goodbye to him.

"Later Hotshot." He grinned.

----------

"Where were you?" Colin asked, genuinely concerned. "It's late."

"I stayed late at work." Technically, I'm not lying. 5 minutes constitutes late. "What's for dinner?"

"Wanna order pizza? We could watch a movie or something too." He said.

"Sure, that sounds nice." she replied.

She had come to a realization that her feelings for Colin were no match to the feelings she had for Billy. She felt like Colin was ashamed of her. Ever since she brought in a box of her belongings and he found a picture of her when she was little and threw it back in the box in sarcastic disgust, she felt as if she wasn't good enough for him. That he wanted more.

Billy, on the other hand, she felt secure with. She wasn't scared to cry in front of Billy like she was Colin. She felt a certain safety in the touch of his hands, even through clothes, she felt like his hands could protect her from anything. She felt like she could be herself with him.

She fell asleep with her head on Colin's shoulder, but she dreamt about Billy.