Suck It & See (ryden)

14. Gold

"You can tell me Ryan... if you want to." Ryan sighs slowly and folds in on himself. It takes him a long length of time to suck in a long breath before he starts speaking.

"Our family moved to France because my mother got a job at an art gallery. Mom was fluent in the language... she had been teaching Cc and I French since we were seven." Ryan laughed softly, but it was filled with pain.

I braced myself for what he could tell me. I began to fear for the worst.

"She loved every second of it. We all did. God, everyone looked at us and thought we were the most beautiful family. Everything was perfect."

"Um... one night mom was late coming home. Dad was really worried, but he didn't show it because we were too young or whatever... I was 15 though.. I knew something was wrong.. About 3 a.m. Dad came into our rooms and told us our family friend Victoria was coming over to watch us; said to be good... We didn't really think much of it."

I could see the visible change in Ryan's demeanor and I quickly grabbed the boy's hand, holding it tightly. I knew at this point what he was going to say, but I let him go. I figure he'd need this. To talk about it.

"We didn't find out what had happened until a few days later. Dad came home and told us we needed to start packing our things. I kept asking where she was, but he was being so cold... I had to find out on the news that she'd gotten in a fatal car accident. It took us two years to find another house in America... Dad was so depressed, but he's better now. It still hurts, but the wound is healed. As healed as it can be."

"I'm so sorry, Ryan."

"You're here aren't you? That's enough for me." Ryan kisses me once softly and hugs me tighter than I've ever been hugged. "You're so important Bren."

"You're important to me too Ryan. I'm going to prove it to you. I promise."

***

"How old are you Brendon?" Cecilia asks, eyes never leaving Ryan's laptop. A gaming website was pulled up on the screen and the girl tapped away at the keyboard. I on the other hand was laying on Ryan's bed, the owner snoozing away in my arms. He deserves it. I'm sure he's tired after everything that was said.

"I'm 18."

"What's your favorite color?"

"Ah.. probably black."

"I don't like black, it scares me. My favorite color is gold, you know why?"

"No, I don't." The girls character crashes and she lets out a sad whine. She turns around and gives me a small smile. "It reminds me of my mama's eyes... and my big brother's of course."

I feel my eyes burn at the young girl's confession. She's so pure and innocent... Just like her brother. Both of them deserve the world but they've only been given dirt.

"Do you love my brother?" Cecilia asks, eyes back on the screen. My chest tightens at the words, mouth drying completely. Love is such a strong word and I've only felt it for one person... and said person fucked me over. Cecilia has paused the game now and is looking at me expectantly.

"I feel very strongly towards your brother... I don't know if I love him quite yet, but I can tell you this much; I will never let anyone hurt him." I sigh and kiss the top of Ryan's hair. "I've got a feeling though that I'm falling faster for Ryan than I can control and I'm completely okay with it."

"Good." Is all she says. After a few beats Cecilia closes the laptop and hops out of the desk chair. "Dad is going to like you a lot, I can tell." She then leave us to ourselves.

I've never felt such a calm in my life then having Ryan resting in my arms. The boy softly snores with a look of ease on his face. I hope he feels this too; the sense of comfort.

It won't take much for me to fall in love with Ryan, I already know that. But god what if he doesn't feel the same? What if when I tell him about how I feel he retreats? Maybe he'll tell me he just doesn't want that from me.

I just wouldn't be able to take it.

"Brendon..?" Ryan's soft, sleepy voice chimes in my ear and I look down at him slowly, heart pounding. "Are you okay?" My breathing shallows as I look into those honey eyes.

Nothing is falling apart.

But I feel my composure falling apart at the seams.

"I'm so scared." Ryan's brows furrow as he slowly sits up, stretching his limbs from his short nap.

"Of what?"

"Falling in love."

Ryan's features soften and he smiles at me with this look of amazement. "Don't be scared. Your heart will do what's right. Love is beautiful."

"I'm beginning to realize."

"I'm glad. You're a sweetheart B." Ryan tucks into my side and rests his head on my shoulder. "Can we go out for food or something? I'm hungry."

"Sure, anything for you." I kiss Ryan's forehead and leave my lips resting at the spot for a moment. I revel in the comfort that is Ryan Ross.

"Thank you again, for choosing me." Ryan says quietly. "I know that you loved him... but I'm glad you're giving me a chance. I'll make sure you won't regret it."

I nod, signaling my reply and pull him closer to me. "I already know I'm not going to regret a thing, Kitten."