Suck It & See (ryden)

20. Blessings

A/N: Can you guys guess who the blessing is in this chapter?

As Eden heals, I never leave her side. The school work has been coming to us consistently and we gladly work on it together. I think we're both just incredibly thankful that she's alive. I don't know what I would've done if she wasn't.

We were in the middle of our anatomy homework when Eden suddenly clears her throat. "I um... I got a card today."

"Yeah?" I raise an eyebrow at her. "You've gotten lots of cards."

"This one was from Ryan."

I drop my pencil at the sound of His name and look away from her, suddenly feeling tears behind my eyes. It's been a little over a week since we essentially broke up. Eden keeps telling me that it was nothing official. That 'needing time' always leaves the options open.

But she didn't see the way He looked at me. Like I was a murderer or worse. Or the way His voice cracked when He couldn't decide if He ever wanted to see me again.

I can't imagine there's a way to repair the single best thing that ever happened to me.

She sighs and places a hand over mine. "He'll come around." She says. I choose to ignore this statement as I know she's only humoring me at this point.

"What'd the card say?" I ask, trying to sound as casual as possible, again focusing on the homework in front of me.

"Just that he missed me in school.. and he hopes I can be back soon." She stopped there but I knew her well enough to realize that wasn't all.

"What else?"

"That's it."

"Eden..." I warn, looking at her with knowing eyes.

"Um... He and Alex want to take me out to breakfast tomorrow... and I've decided to go." I close my eyes and take three slow breaths. I can't be mad. That's her boyfriend.

And my ex boyfriend. The love of my life.

"I'm gonna go." I quickly say, rising from my spot beside her bed. Gathering all my books, I messily shove my supplies into my bag.

"Bren-"

"Mom's been wondering when I was going to come home anyway." I growl with finality. I need to be by myself. "Bye." I say before leaving my best friend to herself. These days I feel more alone than ever.

Eden gets messages upon messages asking when she'll be back to school from all our friends. Getting flowers and candies left and right. I know she's hurt, but I can't help thinking if I was in the same situation, who would want me?

I've been leaving my phone at my house because when it was with me I'd check it every five seconds to see if He texted me back. After a while, I understood it was useless hoping. 

My mother greets me happily when I arrive to the house. I put on a mask because she doesn't need to see her son like this. So vengeful and angry. I know I shouldn't have left Eden, but dammit does anyone care about my feelings?

"Spencer called asking about you today, honey." My mom says as she prepares a plate of cookies for me. "He said he's worried about you."

Spencer Smith... That angel.

"Maybe we should have him over tonight?" Mom wonders aloud and I nod. "I'm sure you're itching to see the rest of your friends."

I nod and smile to myself. "Yeah, I'd like that."

***

It was only a few hours later that Spencer and I were curled up on the couch watching old horror films together. It's been ages since we've done this. I feel bad that I've almost been neglecting him since Eden's come along. He was my best friend before anyone.

"So how is she?" Spencer asks while we take a break from the scream fest.

"She's good. Healing pretty quickly. She can go back to school Monday but I can't imagine she will with the stitches still on her forehead. You know how Eden is with her beauty." I say, while casually eating popcorn.

"Yeah she's always been that way. She is gorgeous, I'll give her that." I nod as we laugh in agreement.

"Why'd you guys stop talking anyway? I thought you had a good thing going."

"Well, she dumped me because she came up with that big plan. I didn't want anything to do with it so she told me she couldn't see me. The girls a little nuts." That she is... What's worse is it was all for nothing, now that He and I broke up.

"I suppose she'll still want you to do it." Spencer says. "Guess you're gonna have to start looking for a new boyfriend."

"That's not happening." I snap, feeling a sudden pang of sadness in my chest. I couldn't see myself with anyone but Him now. "Even if I do eventually get over Him, it won't be for a really long time."

"You don't even say his name anymore do you?" Spencer whispers, seeing through every curtain I've hung in an effort to try and mask my agony.

I shake my head. "Hurts too much."

"You really did love him.." Spencer looks at me with pity in his eyes. I know I'm pathetic.

"I still do..." I swallow the lump throat and breath through the chill down my spine. "I'd do anything to get him back Spence, but that's just not possible."

"Who says?"

"Spencer, I hurt him. Really bad. I don't blame him for anything thing. I deserve this."  I fight back a new set of tears. It's crazy that I'm still even able to produce any.

"It couldn't have been that bad."

"I slept with Mr. Douglas." I blurt out, looking away from Spencer. Now that I've closed that chapter of my life, it feels easier to talk about it. Because I made something beautiful after him. But I also destroyed it... all on my own accord.

"Jesus..."

"Yep." I nod. I know I'm ugly. I never deserved Him. Not for one second.

"At least he's hot." I chuckle at Spencer and wipe a lone tear from my cheek.

"Yeah but the thing is... It doesn't matter. He's not Him." And Spencer nods like he understand. Maybe he really does. Maybe he's felt love like this. "Hey you know what?" I start, desperate to get off the topic of Him. "I think we should take Edes out to lunch tomorrow. You two need to kiss and make up. I mean it."

"Okay Bren. Whatever makes you happy." I smile and begin another movie. There are some blessing in your life that you simply can not ignore.

Spencer Smith was one of those blessings.