Suck It & See (ryden)

17. The Minor Mishap

It was several days after Ryan and I had taken our relationship further and I still hadn't brought up the 'I love you' situation. He certainly hadn't acknowledged that I said it. I was beginning to wonder if he'd heard it at all.

I intend to ask him today once school gets let out, but first Ryan and I find out our baby grade after having the spawn of Satan for a week. Barbie was radical and not in a good way. We handled it, but how well we did is beyond me.

As Mrs. Salpeter passed out grades she stopped at our desk and smiled. "I need to speak to you two after class. About your grade." Ryan looks at me in confusion and I just shrug. I know as much as he does.

Ten minutes later the bell rings and Ryan and I remain seated at our table. "So first of all..." Our teacher begins, pulling a chair to our desk. "You boys did very well with taking care of your doll. A few minor mishaps but they were things any first time parent would experience." We nod, but my stomach is in knots. If we did so well, what could possibly be the problem?

"But unfortunately, despite your excellent parenting skills, I'm going to have to revoke your grade." She says bluntly, sighing.

"What? Why?" Ryan whines, frown forming on his face.

"Well.. one thing the doll does that really proves a lot is it records voices when it acts out. To, of course, see how the parents react and how they work together. You boys worked together wonderfully, took turns getting up and changing diapers. You seemed like a loving pair of full time parents..." She drifts off and sighs even longer.

Here it comes. Whatever it was that we did wrong, it's gotta be big.

"I'm just going to be honest with you guys, I have to send the tape into the higher ups for research and I decided that since you both are very nice boys, I'm not sending yours... to save you the embarrassment."

What?

"I'm not sure I understand, Mrs. Salpeter." Ryan says quietly, brows furrowing.

"Yeah, same." I agree.

"The doll recorded you two ah... performing intimate acts."

It takes me a minute to register what exactly she meant by that, but once it hit me, all I could do was laugh. I let out a hearty chuckle and Mrs. Salpeter laughs with me. Ryan, on the other hand, tucks his face into my chest, completely mortified.

"It's nothing to be embarrassed about with me. I know you two are young and in love. I just can't say the same for the board. Since you two won't get a grade for this, I'm assigning you to another project more or less. Starting next week, you guys will be helping the tutors. Only for a few days, but since you work so well together I figured helping out a little wouldn't be a big deal. I'll tell you which tutor you'll be 'shadowing' as soon as I find out. Until then, you boys better be more careful about your little sexual adventures."

With that Mrs. Salpeter leaves us go and Ryan walks red faced next to me towards my locker. "That was literally the worst experience ever." He cries, beating his forehead against the cool metal.

"Eh, I thought it was pretty funny. At least it was Mrs. S and not some homophobe teacher. Lord knows there's plenty of those in this school." Ryan shrugs.

"I guess that's true. But still. You think she listened to the whole thing?"

"I can't imagine why she would. She's still our teacher." He nods in agreement before kissing me chastely on the mouth.

"I've gotta get to class. See you at lunch." And the boy walks away, head hung low.

***

"I told him I loved him."

Eden's green irises spark with excitement the minute the words leave my lips.

"No shit?! Beeb! That's awesome! When?" I focus on our anatomy project in front of us. A fetal pig. I mindlessly push around the flap of cut skin, like you would with a crappy dinner. I haven't been able to focus on anything.

"The other night.. While we were fucking." Eden slams her hand down on the lab table and looks at me in shock.

"You didn't tell me you guys had sex! What the hell?!" The girl gasp and looks at me expectantly. I just shrug. "Well, was it at least good? Must've been if you said I love you."

"Yeah... It was..."

"He said it back right?"

No.

I look away from my best friend and let the scalpel fall from my hand, clattering into the pan loudly.

You know, it hurts worse, even my friends thought he'd return his feelings. It's hitting me now that it's wasn't a misunderstanding or a lack of hearing.

He just doesn't love me.

"Is everything okay Brendon?" My teacher give me a concerned look and I can feel my throat tightening. The clenching in my chest becoming more intense.

"The chemicals... it's making me sick."

"You may go in the hall. Get some air." And he doesn't have to tell me twice. I get out of the seat quickly.

"Bren."

"I need to be alone." I growl and make my way out of the room, all eyes following me.

He doesn't love me at all. Doesn't even have the courtesy to acknowledge my feelings. Well I know someone who does love me.

He's said so himself.

I find myself at an office door, knocking hard. My heart rate accelerates too fast, my breath too shallow. Deep anxiety rises in my chest.

The door opens.

He doesn't love me.

"Got some time?" My voice sounds foreign in my ears. It's the voice that I use in desperation. The man in front of me nods once and I follow him into the small office.

This isn't just desperation though. This is regret.