Letting Lily Go

Chapter 1: Unforgotten Mistake

"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."

― Albert Einstein

We all have one mistake we wish are able to have a do over. Even I, Severus Tobias Snape do. It is a part of human nature, mistakes. I know unlike those idiots I have the pleasure of teaching the precise art of Potions to, do not believe their are do overs in life. You see, I have been given chances, but my mistakes of my past have never been forgotten. Their is no reset button on life. Life is not like school where you can try again tomorrow, in life you have one shot, and you have to make it count.School as hated as it is, it fairer than life ever will be to those blundering humbugs, and even to me. I had my warning, but was an ignorant twat and thought it didn't apply to me.

The worst mistake I ever made, I regret with every fiber in my being everyday of my life. My mistake was driving Lily away. Sweet Lily. My best friend. My protector. My almost lover. I didn't want to say goodbye, but I ruined it before I ever could say hello. I am such an idiot.

Flashback

"Hello I'm Lily" the first words said in a friendship I though would last a lifetime.

"Hi,I'm Severus"

"Interesting name. I like it"

My first friend. My first friendly encounter with a person really, and I just had to ruin it.

"Severus, I'm a freak. I can do things I can't control. I'm a monster Severus."

The day she discovered magic. She was so terrified. The day I revealed my secret powers too.

" Lily, it's magic! Am I am freak because I can do it too? It is beautiful Severus. My mother, Elaine, told me that people like us will go to a magic school. It will be wonderful Lily! And we can go together. Stay friends through it all. "

" That sounds wonderful Severus." Then she kissed me gently on the cheek.

End Flashback

Everything was wonderful until 5th year. The year my mother died. Lily even went to the funeral with me.

" You shouldn't be alone at this time Severus." insisted Lily.

She always is looking out for the welfare of others. The year I was approached by Lucius to become a Death Eater. I laughed in his face at the promises he says the Dark Lord made them. All lies, but after the mistake I fell into the trap. Then, tied up in a box and shipped to my death. Slowly marching on a dark path, a path of no redemption. It all started with one little mistake, a wrinkle in time that ruined my life forever.

Flashback

"Go Away LILY!"  I yell.

She just inches closer. I have had a rough day, and she believes nobody should be left alone during a hard time. When two people share a burden makes it a lighter one to bare, or some nonsense.

"Lily, Listen to Snivellus. He is just might give you some disease." states James Potter nonchalantly.

I have had enough to deal with today, I don't need the bullying of the Marauderers. This day just keeps getting worse.

Lily starts to fight back. Always fighting for me. For what is right. I am grateful for it, but it is a way to get her to leave.

I didn't think she would leave forever, but I misjudged how harmful some words can be.

" GO AWAY LILY! I don't need a stupid MUDBLOOD fighting back for me." I say hurtfully.

END FLASHBACK

Then she was gone. The smartest witch of her age, gone from my life forever. The permanence of forever never mattered until that moment.  Never to be seen by me, alone. Never able to forgive me, no matter how many times I tried apologizing. Somethings can not be forgiven.

Everyone in my life is destined to hate my guts. I miss her everyday, and dream that one day I will be able to talk to her. I am deep in this hole I have been digging for myself, and nobody can save me. Nobody except maybe the angel who saved it in the first place. The only reason I never committed suicide in my youth. The reason that kept my life whole. Lily. If only you could save me now. I've never stopped loving you, and don't think I ever will. I can't let you go. Why do I have to be so stupid?