Letting Lily Go

Chapter 5: Funeral Preperations

"I want words at my funeral. But I guess that means you need life in your life."
-Markus Zusak, The Book Thief

You are invited to the Funeral of Lily Elizabeth Potter née Evans and James Potter.

The 5th of November

Godric's Hallow Cemetery 10 o'clock

We are sorry for your loss. This is a private funeral,for only people who knew the Potter Family personally.

There is a small, bright, sticky note attached. You have been one of four selected to speak at the funeral. Hope to see you there in remembrance of these two wonderful adults.

Who would send me this?I hate James, of course I'm not going. "But, it's Lily's too, and James did save you life. You owe him"said a voice

"Whose there?"Said Snape alarmed and started frantically looking around.

"In here silly. No,not there.I'm in your head."said the voice

"Great. Now I'm hearing things. I must have had to much firewhiskey."Thought Snape.

"You're not crazy. I'm your conscience You know you will go to the funeral if only because you have the duty of speaking. I know you Snape, if only because I am you.."said the voice

"Curse you. If you weren't in my head I would kill you. But,your right. I guess I have to go to their funeral."Snape thought annoyed,he hates being wrong.

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Three days...That's how long I have to prepare for the funeral. I was asked,no tolled to speak and have no idea what I'm going to say. I'm going to try to speak only of Lily. I've heard it's improper to speak of the dead in a bad way,especially at there own funeral. If I do mention James at all I will say that he saved my life,he was funny and was good father/husband. I will not lie by pretending we were the best of friends, because we all know that is a major lie, and it would be a major insult to his memory.

As much as I hate to admit it James was better for Lily than I was. I unintentionally hurt her more times than I care to count over the years. That's one of my worst regrets.I hated hurting my angel and it was sad to me that my worst enemy was better for my best friend than me,Severus Snape,who knew Lily since childhood.

The days leading up to the funeral dragged on. I don't know why I ever wanted to be a professor. I hate children. Children under 3rd year should not make potions. It's just plain dangerous but,no the ministry requires them to have knowledge of potions and brewing styles. Since Lily's death, days just seem to last forever. But,nothing lasts forever, even if you really wanted it to. Lily was supposed to live forever, and I guess she will if only in pictures, and history textbooks.

The unlucky students started classes again today, in which I have canceled my last period class on the 4th of November, all classes the 5th and 6th in order to prepare for the funeral and not be distracted. If I have said it once you should remember, I don't like wasting my breath by repeating myself now, Potions is a DANGEROUS subject!!

Back to the Eulogy, I have no idea what I am going to say.Minerva was also asked to speak, but I wonder who the other two speakers are. They probably are friends of James'. I have decided to tell people at the funeral about how she didn't care about house prejudice,how she was a great friend,a kind soul and about our friendship. I have also decided to write a few sentences to say goodbye to James,even though he was a major jerk to me in school. He did save my life and I feel like it would be an insult to his memory to not at least thank him for saving my life( I would love to insult him, but I t would be completely inappropriate at his funeral, especially since James was so well liked.)

In those last days of preparing, I actually felt a bit of sympathy with the students. Who knew writing could ever be this hard?I eventually wrote it. I found the key to this all was instead of stopping myself for showing emotion,I let it flow. As soon as I did that the eulogy practically wrote itself. The only thing I had to do was edit it and take out a major chunk of it about Lily being my one true love because I want to keep that with me, and don't want to project any jealousy of a dead man, and his stunning wife.

The night before the funeral sleep evaded me for hours.I was to emotional(and I'm always telling my students to control their emotions).Memories of Lily flooded my mind. I eventually broke down and self medicated by drinking a small bottle of dreamless sleep potion. At least drugged I was allowed a few hours of peaceful slumber.

That morning I woke up at 7 am. I ate oatmeal and tea for breakfast. Then, I got dressed for the funeral. I picked out a nice dark green button down, clean black dress pants,my best black robes and, my tall black boots. By the time I'm done with all of this it's too early to head to the cemetery so I've decided to just go up to Minerva's office and see if there is anything she needs help with.

When I reached Minerva's office I made sure to knock,I heard a cat meowing in response and then a pop. "Come in"said Minerva.

I walked in and notice balls of parchment scattered around the room. That's odd for Minerva McGonagall. She loves things orderly and her office is usually pristine. Now her office is simply a disaster.

"Oh,it's just you Severus. What do you want?"said Minerva.

"I just wanted to see if you needed anything. May I ask you why your office is such a mess?"Severus said calmly with a hint of concern in his voice.

"Could you help me write the eulogy?I have been trying to write this all night and I can't seem to find the correct words. I usually don't put things off until last minute, but I didn't realize it would be this hard! How did you right yours?"asked Minerva with a silent please.

"The eulogy is supposed to come from your heart. It's how you viewed the person,how they changed your life and how they stood out from everyone else. I did that for Lily and said a few words for James. Just write and then you can edit later. Want me to clean up this papery mess?"Severus said in a teaching manner.

"Thank you Severus"said Minerva and then her quill hit the paper.

It was 9:45 by the time Minerva was done with the Eulogy. Minerva mentioned how James was troublesome yet always made her laugh. She also wrote how they were both students of hers and how Lily was exceptionally bright and she had the pleasure of teaching them. She just gave me an overview of what she has written and told me she didn't want to spoil it. Then we headed off to the funeral together. Hand in Hand we apparate to the funeral home, ready to cry until our tear ducts dry, and we are no longer able to produce anything more than sobs, and pitiful wails.