drunken shakespeare

to: {:S:}

9:11

april 14

dear s,

what a day. i'm so happy we were able to hang out today, even though it meant walking 1.5km on a dirt road to meet, and then walk back to my house [we live 5km apart on a dirt road].

\\: dark rant time :\\

[ note this advanced apology.i promise i'm not always so negative, but i feel like i need to write these thoughts down. maybe some feel the same. maybe not. ]

i can't seem to stop thinking about the chat we had as i was driving you home. i really do feel unreasonably unsatisfied with grade 12, and life right now. though this may seem melodramatic, ungrateful, a by-product of teenage angst etc., it's still true.

like you said, i feel as if i've been lied to all these years. from the very beginning, we were always told to work hard, be involved everywhere, because if you did, it would all be returned in different forms when you prepared to leave your high school, and go off to university.

this is such a lie.

just because you are involved in more things than any sane person can really handle, just because you work harder than anyone else you know, and pour so much of yourself into your work simply does not mean that life will necessarily, or is obligated to, pay you back kindly.

{: by "you" i don't actually mean YOU, i mean us, and our generation in general:}

honestly, maybe this mindset paid off a decade ago, but it certainly doesn't seem to be paying off now. society's mindset has shifted for the worse, in more ways than one. it puts so much weight on being a perfect, well rounded individual. you have to be a straight A student, involved in student body politics, sports, humanitarian work and also, on top of this, have 'enough' money saved for the future.

it's endlessly frustrating and disheartening to do so much of this; work so hard, get good grades (most of the time), be involved not just for the scholarship applications, but more so because of the love for that particularly group or team and then have your fate -- debt after university -- decided by a panel of people that are basing everything on that one essay, that one transcript and two reference letters.

instead of making teenagers naive, rather than making teenagers think that the sheer fact that they worked hard and were involved is enough, we should have been taught that life is tough. life is unfair. life is not always kind and it does not owe you anything, regardless of how much of yourself you put into the last four years of school, or other.

sigh.

but i guess the main lesson that i've learned based on these facts is that, we all must learn how to adapt to this. you must be an individual that has a dynamic equilibrium -- CHEMISTRY REFERENCE-- an individual capable of shifting the point of equilibrium, sometimes shifting towards a reverse direction, sometimes pushing towards a forwards one. and this equilibrium isn't at all about flat lining, thats really not what homeostasis is -- BIOLOGY REFERENCE. more so, it is about being able to ride the crests and also the troughs of the waves that go about that flat line --PHYSICS REFERENCe -- becoming strengthened with each one and ultimately, at some point, coming out with peace of mind, knowing that, even though that all may be true -- life is unfair, sometimes you cannot win and just because you work hard doesn't meant life is obligated to give you anything -- you will always be able shift your position of balance and adapt.

phew.

that was deep. but honest.

i suppose i should head to bed considering we have school tomorrow. i hope you all have/had a lovely day.

p.s. i took the picture above from my pinterest board tempest, i thought it was fitting considering how i really do feel as if my head is barely above the water lately.

much love,

{;L;}