Should I? [S4S Short Story]

1

"Samirah Chanise Jones!" My aunt yelled. God save me from her. Ever since I moved in here my aunt.."hell she isn't my blood if she treats me like this" I thought.

Carey has been treating me like shit. My father killed my mother in cold blood right in front of me. His reason being she knew of his lie he's been keeping, and my mom threatened to tell. If I had the chance to see my father, I would make him suffer like my mom did. I miss her so much.

She was everything to me.

I seen a picture of me and my mom on my dresser. I slowly got up and grabbed it. A tear escaped my eye. Her smile lit up the world like she was the sun. I've been told I get my beautiful brown eyes from her. She was so happy and she cared for anyone. She didn't deserve what my father did to her and I hope he rots in hell. I'm ashamed to be his daughter.

"Samirah!!" Carey called my name again. I sat the picture down and opened my door and stomped into the kitchen, "What bitch?" I said annoyed only to be slapped.

I stumbled quite a bit before tears filled my eyes. "What the hell did you say to me?" She asked raising her hand threatening to hit me again. "N-nothing" I said trying to hold back my anger.

"I didn't think so. Now what have I fucking told you about having females in this damn house?" She asked. "What're you talking about?" I questioned. She threw a pair of thongs at me and I threw them on the floor.

"I didn't have a damn female in this house!" I yelled. "Basement now!" She yelled going towards the basement.

"No..no no no no please auntie I'm sorry!" I pleaded. "No, get the fuck up and come on. I told you about swearing in my damn house." She yelled grabbing my arm. "Ouch! Auntie I'm sorry it won't happen again!" I pleaded trying to get out her grip.

She pulled my hair making my face meet with hers. I sobbed, "Shut the fuck up Samirah damn! I'm glad your daddy killed your mom, she wasn't shit. Just like you, she was a fucking disgrace. I don't know why my brother knocked up you ignorant ass mom! She is a hoe and always will be!" She screamed.

God take me now. Just take me! Why did she have to be so cruel? I did nothing to her. Her and her damn brother hates my mom. All of their family hates me and my mom. They say my mom tried so hard to get knocked up so she could get in between my sperm donor and his wife. His wife at the time had lost the first baby they tried for. She can have children, it's just that she found out about my mom and left him and got remarried and had kids. It hurt him, but he just stayed with my mom.

"I wanted nieces and nephews! Not a damn dyke ass niece! Your mother should have aborted you. You guys took my brother's happiness away!" She yelled before leaving and shutting and locking the door.

I cried and cried. I wish I was never born. I wish I could die right here and go be with my mom. Fuck everyone.

She left me there in the dark.

I wonder if this is what it looks like after you die.

Just a big black hole..

__________________________________

I woke up to a blurred vision of a figure coming towards me. My head was throbbing of pain so I just closed my eyes. Whoever it was, started to come near me and touch me. I groaned in more pain. I wouldn't dare open my eyes.

I felt the person pick me up and take me out the basement. The bright lights hit my eyes and it made me not want to open em' more than I did.

I felt the person lay me on the couch. "Wake up babygirl..." The voice said. "No..please not you" I tried to say. "Yes baby it's me." He said again. He kissed my neck and put his hand under my shirt. "No..no please..stop." I pleaded the best I could.

He raped me...again. When my aunt leaves, he stays here and does what he wants to me. This time I had no strength to fight him off of me. I cried even more at the thought of this happening until one day I just end it all. Fuck it, today is the day.

I used the strength, I wish I had more of, to get up once he left me alone. I slowly walked to my room and closed and locked my door. I went to my dresser and opened my top drawer and opened a small container full of blades.

I took one and went into the restroom and locked that door. I took a good look into the mirror.

"What is it that makes me so vulnerable to their abuse? I don't deserve the pain they give me. Mom I need you and I miss you so much. I want to come be with you momma. We can be happy together. I shouldn't fear every second of the day. I shouldn't fear my own aunt and uncle. I shouldn't do what I do, but I want the pain to go away." I thought.

I took one more good look in the mirror and started taking off my clothes. Tears ran down and my body flinched at every painful movement. The bruises, cuts, burns...scars I can't get rid of.

I ran a warm bath in my tub. I got in with only my boxers and sports bra on. I picked up the blade and started to slide ever so gently across wrist. "I want to die tonight. I don't want to be here anymore." I slid the blade all the way across my wrist causing blood to slowly spill from new and old cuts. I inhaled as I held my tears and did it again.

I did it three times to each wrist. For sure, I can finally go. "take me now please.." I quietly pleaded as my eyes begin to shut and my body grew weak. My body slumped over the tub as the water begin to turn red.

I was leaving, but as I was I could hear faint screams. I think it was my aunt. Who does it matter and why does she care? She's the main reason I don't want be here. She wishes my mother never had me, so why not just let me die?

No one will care.
No one will miss me.
No one will remember me.
No one can make me happy.
If I stayed I would jump off a bridge or put a damn gun to my head.

Just to think...I'm seventeen years old living in the dark of a thriving, yet dangerous city of Chicago. Kids grew up around drugs, and violence, and nothing but hood. I'm not ashamed to say I was one of those kids. Life was spiraling in a big ass circle and instead of trying to make things better, I'm just making it easy for me to get out. Other than death, I don't know what other way. It was time for me..I meant nothing to anyone and I'm treated like it, So why not just make life easier?

"Just end my misery.." I mumbled as Everything went black.