You're Driving Me Mental - Phan

Chapter 4

Phil's POV

I looked at the food in front of me with a sour expression. I decided that if I distracted Dan, he would forget about the eating thing. The sight of food made me want to vomit. The fact that it would make me more fat, more unlovable, more useless although I didn't think I could possibly be more useless. There was no way I was going to eat the sandwich. End of.
"So Dan, what kind of things do you like?" His eyes shot up to mine. He didn't respond. "Okay then. I like bands and video games, I'm a bit of a nerd!" I giggled to myself. He didn't respond.
"What do you like to do in your spare time?" I asked. He didn't respond. I didn't understand why in the two times I'd tried to get to know him, he completely shut me out. It was starting to annoy me so I simply stared at my plate.

You can't eat that Phil
You'll be fat and ugly
That's why Dan doesn't like you
You're fat and ugly
You need to be perfect
You can't eat anything whilst you're here
Or once you've left for that matter
Everyone here has a real problem
But you don't
You're just a
whiny
Ugly
Fat
Unloved
Teenager

Dan's POV

I didn't understand why Phil was trying to talk to me. Sure, he was probably a nice person and would make a good friend. But I didn't want a friend, I wanted to be left alone.  I took a bite of my sandwich, instantly regretting it. I guess I have to get Phil to eat even if I don't. "E-eat-t." I muttered under my breath while looking at Phil's plate. I admit, I didn't make much of an effort whilst trying to get the anorexic kid to eat.
"I'm not hungry!" Phil said defensively. I just shrugged and stood up. I was much to tired to care and my whole body was still shaking. I walked over to Jane to tell her I didn't feel good. Why should I care what Phil does with his life, I don't even care what I do with my life.
After a lot of talking, I was aloud to go back to my room. I simply crawled into bed and slept.

Phil's POV

I felt sick, I couldn't do it.
"Phil honey. Eat sweetheart." I turned to see Jane and a lady whose plastered on smile he remembered from yesterday. "Phil you need to eat. I don't like threatening anyone but you will be forced to eat of you don't do it on your own accord." I turned back to look at the plate but I couldn't do it.

Your just an ugly bastard
no one will ever even like you
let alone love you
just forget about everything
there's no point in living if no one wants you to live
there's one more fact to tell you about Phil
you're
fat

With that, I stood up dramatically and walk out of the hall. 'I'll show them, I'm not going to be a fat idiot'. I wasn't quite sure who them was but I really didn't want people to see me for who I was a fad idiot.
I ran down a corridor until I came across a bathroom. I found myself in an overly clean cubicle at the far end of the room. I knew that someone would find me soon but I just didn't care. I slowly rolled up my sleeve and gently stroked my arms. They themselves told everyone who I was. Red on white has always managed to keep me at ease. I wanted nothing more than to dig glistening silver into the tainted white like I had countless times before. I didn't have the sharp silver though, but I had many unhealed scars to dig my nails into. It wasn't the same though. A splash of fresh red spilled down my arm. The pain was never enough, but the tingling of blood dripping down my body calmed that thought.

To my surprise, no one had found me. Or maybe no one was even looking, they wouldn't care. As I was walking around corridors aimlessly, a women in a plain white outfit came out of nowhere. "Where have you been kid, Jane's going mad!"
'Wow,' I thought 'at least she's going mad at a hospital for mad people.' The women proceed to grab my hand and drag me down a flight of stairs. "It's time for your private therapy session you see. Since you got here yesterday night, there wasn't time for one. Normally everyone has one the day they get here, and every other day after that!" For what she was telling me, this women was much too happy, I didn't even know her name. But as if by magic, she opened her mouth to speak. "My name's Caitlin by the way." That was all we said to each other as she led me to a corridor full to burst with rooms. She pushed me through a door that read Dr. Ozanne.
"I've found Phillip for you!" She was still much too happy for my liking.
"Thanks."  The guy I front of me seemed sweet as well.
"Now Phillip,"
"It's Phil." I said bluntly.
"Well Phil, you can call me Quentin. Anyway, how has your day been so far?"
"Okay I guess." I really didn't want to be sat in front of a stranger and telling him what I was thinking.
"Phil, I need you to know that everything that you tell me, will only be known by me and you unless you decide otherwise, okay?" I didn't really want to argue with this man either so I simply nodded my head and answered the question.
"I haven't done much. I got up and went to group therapy."
"I see. I'm aware of why you are here Phil, but I have to ask you why you think your here and your prospective on this situation." That made me laugh. The way he said this situation, as if I had missed the school bus or didn't do my homework. Quentin, as he said his name was, didn't look that amused though. "Well, I'm fat and worthless and only minuets ago I was digging my nails into my wrists!" I have no idea why I told him all of it, or why someone like me, decided it would be agood idea to stand up and shout it in his face. I suppose it was a spare of the moment thing. It made me feel terrible once I told him. Like my insides had been set on fire and all I wanted to do was take it back then hide under a rock for a few years.
"Well Phil, I am very impressed about what you just told me. I don't condone this behaviour of course, but I do admire your upfront honesty. Could you please roll up your sleeves for me?" For some reason, Quentin's words made me trust him so I did as he said. Under the grey jumper I was required to wear was a field of scars.
The therapist spoke to me for at least 40 minuets longer before he was satisfied and let me leave. As I left I checked the time on the clock on the wall. The clock had no plastic front over it, and the hands didn't have a point in sight. Everything in the building was completely baby proofed. The time read 2:00 pm. 'Well I've missed that creative arts lesson and an English lesson to speak with a therapist.' I thought. I wasn't really happy with the guy because English and creative arts where the only lessons I enjoyed. Yet again I had an hour of free time followed by movie time that Jane assured me was great fun. But until that I had to entertain myself, so I left to find Dan.