The Ghost of Him

8. Insanity

*Gerard's POV*

I was such a fucking idiot.

That was the first thought that ran through my mind when I impetuously pressed my mouth against Melanie's. At first, both of us froze. Me because I couldn't take it back and stop just then, but I also couldn't continue without her consent. Her, well, probably because she didn't know what to do exactly.

I just stood there awkwardly with my lips on hers, little volts of electricity coursing through my body, but I didn't dare to move. I knew she probably didn't like me back because I was a fucking lunatic and wasn't even cute, honestly.

So much for trying to make friends, Gerard.

Melanie did the exact opposite of what I expected her to do: she kissed me back. After a few seconds of us both standing awkwardly still, she just leaned into me and kissed me back like nothing was wrong about this.

I was sort of surprised about the feeling of kissing another person - it sort of felt weird, but mostly because I had never kissed anyone and was just so used to touching myself and having complete control over what was going on. But when it was with another person, I didn't really have much control over the situation because I couldn't pick up the speed or slow things down voluntarily.

I intertwined my fingers with Melanie's and finally managed to get my mouth to work properly again. I wondered if she had ever kissed anybody before. I mean, she was what? Seventeen? That was how old I was when I ran away, but Melanie was probably still in school and had that little social ring - and she was so cute. I couldn't imagine anyone not wanting to date her.

Me, on the other hand, I was an outcast all through high school, and then I had to come out here and avoid human contact entirely. There was no chance for me to ever kiss anyone. Not to mention I was probably one of the least attractive people ever.

I felt this strange urge of dominance and fought back the want to go any further with Melanie than kissing. We hadn't even known each other that long anyway, and she probably hated me.

Suddenly, Melanie let go of my hands and stumbled away from our sloppy kiss, leaving me standing there feeling like the worst person ever. I had probably made her so uncomfortable and for some fucked up reason that bothered me more than the killings did. I glanced down at Melanie's hands and realized that she was shaking.

It felt like my heart had dropped to my stomach. My mouth was dry when I tried to speak, despite the excessive amount of saliva that was still coating my lips at the moment. "M-Melanie. Melanie, I'm sorry, I didn't-"

She stepped backwards again and ran her hands through her pink hair nervously. Her eyes started glistening and I don't think I'd ever hated myself more than I did when I noticed a couple tears sliding down her cheeks.

I tried to reach out but she just continued stumbling backwards and shaking her head. I bit my lip and let my arms fall to my sides, defeated.

Sort of annoyed at myself, I opened my mouth to snap something at her and try to push my feelings aside, but before I could say anything she spun around and started running.

Panic rose in my chest. "Wait - Melanie!! Come here!"

She didn't come back. She just kept running. I didn't bother going to chase her because I had already done enough damage and didn't want to upset her any more. It also wasn't like she was going in the direction towards town; town was in the opposite direction, she was just running herself deeper into the woods.