The People

Afraid

Songs- Feels like forever by of mice & men
Jet black heart by 5 seconds of summer

I'm afraid that tomorrow won't be what I wanted. I always shape myself trying to be happy like a normal person but I know what I really am and how I really feel. I always push it away. I always force myself to think that I could be happy if I dressed like this or was around these people, or liked this person. I still have my dark matter and I'm so fucking afraid that it's gonna creep back into me and I'm gonna relapse. I don't wanna be like this but I can't help myself. Some people are born sad or dark. I was one of those poeple. I am also one of those people who cover it up. Man I cover it so well, you wouldn't be able to tell anything about me.
I try to put positivity in my life but it's hard to have positive things when all you can see is negative. I have gone to far lengths hoping to at least feel okay. I say I'm okay, but being okay is just to far away. And it's like life is crashing down on you. No not even, it feels like you have no supports for your roof and you have to hold it yourself but you can barely do that because you're too busy trying to hold yourself up, much less a wall or happiness. I need someone who is truly happy to tell me how they are like that. How do they do this?  I'm afraid that I might never be okay. I was born wrong and nobody wants a wrong person. It complicates their life and people don't have time for that. I don't wanna be afraid but I am and I'm always gonna be like this.

-p