Paranoid (Kellic)

Chapter 2

Kellins P.O.V

"Kill yourself"

"Die like your sister"

"Nobody will ever love you"

All the antagonizing voices alway ring through my head 24/7. I would kill for them to stop. If it's not the hallucinations it's the voices. When I have the hallucinations I can barely tell that I'm having them. They seem so..real. But when I break out of my trance for the short period of time I calm down and tell myself it's just the schizophrenia. Something the doctor told me is that most people with schizophrenia have lack of hygiene or have trouble matching their clothes but that's not a problem for me. I experience every one of the symptoms except those. I have trouble believing I even have schizophrenia but I do trust the doctors. I don't remember much from last night. Just that I had a panic attack and someone helped me through it. I don't remember who I was in to much of a trance. But it was nice having someone there.

I woke up in my room this morning. I don't even remember how I got there. Vic I think it is was fast asleep in his bed when I woke up. I can understand its 6 AM on the weekend. I have a minor case of insomnia that's why I was surprised to get a pretty much full nights sleep. I got up from the warmth of my bed and went into the private bathroom that our room had attached. I glanced in the mirror and saw that my eyes were extremely red and puffy from crying I'm guessing. I also had a black eye and a growing bruise on my chest. What was that from? I turned around and turned on the bath. Last time I had a shower I ended up having a major freak out and fell which ended up pretty much breaking my face. So ever since then I stick to baths. I finished up my bath and just relaxed for the most part. A depressing thing I do is try to drown myself but I never have the courage to do it. I'm right on the edge. I can but I won't. I probably will end up doing it someday. I miss my sister. She's the only one I could ever talk to about this type of stuff. She understood.

I stepped out of the bathtub and got dressed in skinny jeans and a white tee shirt and a few necklaces and bracelets. I also combed my hair. When I walked out of the bathroom I saw Vic. He had a tired look on his face. I couldn't help but think how hot he looked without a shirt on though. He looked at me and gave me a small smile. I didn't say anything or make any facial expression. I just went and sat onto my bed and looked at the time on my phone. 6:32 am.

"Do you want to talk about last night?" He asked. I shrugged. Do I? I've never really known what I was like when that stuff happens. Like I said earlier, it's like a trance or to put it in another perspective I guess it's like being drunk. You don't remember anything from what happened. All I recall is the vivid hallucinations and voices telling me to bury myself 6 feet underground next to my sister.

"Here I'll tell you a little bit about myself so you can trust me," he smiled. I nodded. How can he be so happy all the time. I can't even remember the last time I smiled a real genuine smile that wasn't to cover up the pain I was feeling.

"Let's see, I'm studying to be a nurse but for mental health. Um, in my spare time I play guitar and sing. I love rock music. Oh! And I moved hear from California." He told me. I just smiled.

"You don't talk much do you?" I shook my head. I never talk unless I'm in class or with close family. That's another thing. I fail all of my classes. I'm not sure if it's schizophrenia or if I'm just naturally not smart.

"Ok so let me walk you through what happened; you unlocked the door and let me in and cried and rocked back and forth for a few minutes. Then you started having major hallucinations and most likely voices and you started throwing things, punching walls, and yelling random slurs at me. Only I couldn't tell what they meant. Are you on any medications to control yourself?" I once again shook me head.

"Do you know what disorder you have?" He questioned.

"I don't have a disorder," I denied the question.

"Kellin you can talk to me. They signed me up as your roommate for a reason. They were going to kick you out if they couldn't find a person to deal with you,"

A tear escaped my eyes. "Deal with you," the voices once again whispered and pounded in my head. They couldn't DEAL with me. So they had to beg some student to help out. I went underneath my covers and once again started crying. I have always been extremely sensitive.

"Oh my god I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that since I'm studying to be a mental health nurse then I wouldn't be freaked out and could calm you down if you needed to be. I promise I'll be your friend and not just because I have to. I volunteered because I heard the head of the school talking about it."

I heard him walk over. He put his hand on my shoulder but I jumped up out of the bed before he could touch me.

"I won't hurt you Kellin,"

"I-I know," I sobbed and layed back on the bed. He put his arm on my back again and rubbed up and down as I sobbed.

"You have schizophrenia don't you?" He asked. I nodded and sobbed even harder. "I've been studying it in class. I promise I'm not some crazy stalker,"

I giggled as tears still poured out of my eyes.

"What?" He wondered.

"You never shut up,"

"I tend to do that sometimes," he laughed. The mood became lighter and my crying slowed down but I couldn't help but question all the new emotions I was having. Someone actually cared. They wanted to be my friend. And they were voluntarily showing affection instead of a random stranger patting me on the back. But the voices never stopped.

"I'll help. Don't worry," he told me with a reassuring smile before he headed off to the bathroom. Probably to take a shower.

"He is lying"

"They forced him into doing that,"

"Wait you like him? He will never in a million years like you,"

I just accepted it. The voice are right, nobody will ever like me cause I'm an insane, crazy, fucked up person. What did I ever do to deserve this?

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A/N: sorry theses chapters are so short! Don't worry they will get longer!