Paranoid (Kellic)

Chapter 6

P.S the whole book is kinda suicidal, depressing and whatnot but the ending will be happy. Promise. :)

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Do you know that feeling when you have friends and family that care about you but you just feel alone anyway? Or you are just so depressed you want to just jump of a bridge but you feel to lazy to even get out of bed? You are simply just in an agonizing mental state? That's how I feel everyday but especially today for some reason. I don't know why though. The voices went away for the past 3 days me and Vic have been dating but when I woke up, everything was back to normal. Voices were already starting up and I'm sure everything else would soon too. Currently, I was in my bed snuggling up to Vic with my head on his chest. It is like 2 in the morning and everyone is sleeping but I am wide awake. (cringing so hard at my own reference)

I scooted off the bed quietly so Vic wouldn't wake up and I went to my dresser. I slipped of my pajamas and put on some jeans and a t shirt. I also put on one of Vics hoodies because what a cliche thing to do right? Plus, they smelled like Vic and were warm so I loved it. I slipped on some TOMS and headed to the local 24 hour drug store. The person that was in charge when I walked in looked so tired. I thought about where she looked familiar. Oh that's right it was Mikes girlfriend. I walked up to her plastering a fake smile cause let's be honest, I couldn't smile a real one unless I was around Vic or Mike.

"Hey sorry I forgot your name," I told her kindly.

"Oh hey Kellin," she said her tired face brightening up, "and it's Karynn but you can call me Rin,"

"Well I have to get going but you, Mike, me, and Vic should hang out sometime,"

"Sure thing," she assured. I stared a little to long because the flashbacks kept coming and going with that girls face. It was driving me crazy. I went to the other side of the store as fast as I could without it looking weird that I was running and made it to the area I was looking for. I was hesitant at first because I was paranoid that someone would catch me but they didn't know what I was trying to do. The only person that would know is Vic and he's asleep. He wouldn't even know where I was. I did tell them one time where the cremate is but that would be the last place he would think of...I hope. I grabbed 2 bottles of sleeping pills, a bottle of water, and a bouquet of flowers and used self check out. And headed to the cemetery which wasn't too far away. Maybe 2 miles. It was a long walk by the time I got there it was 3 am.

I walked slowly to Kaileys grave with the grocery bag in hand. Tears fell from my eyes once I got there. It should have been me that died. I was the fucked up one. She was so happy. I looked back at all the hell I went through. She was the cause of it all. Everything was perfectly fine until she killed herself. I started sobbing harder but I was more angry at her then anything. Why would she ever think of doing something like this? Why was I still not over her death? I looked at her grave in astonishment. Kailey Bostwick 1997-2012 the words stung my heart. I sat myself down and started talking to myself or maybe she was listening. I don't know.

"Why did you fucking do this to me?" I sobbed. I couldn't even see anything anymore my eyes were so clouded with tears.

"You know Kailey, I was trying to stay alive cause I know that's what you would have wanted but I miss you so much. You were like my best friend. You supported me through everything when it should have been the other way around. But I just...I just can't handle it anymore." I cried harder and harder into my hands. I took the flowers and leaned them against the tomb stone And sighed shakily. I took the sleeping pills out of the bag and threw the bag over my shoulder. I read the poison control label over and over again. Did I really want to do this. I did.

"I miss you Kailey. I miss mom and dad." I sobbed before cracking the bottles open and pouring the bunch of pills in my hands. I wanted to make sure it worked so I have 60 pills. It has to work. I hope it works. I screwed the lid off of the water and got it ready. I put the pills in my mouth. They were small but there was so many that my mouth was almost full of them. I held the bottle up to my mouth and took a big gulp and swallowed it. I heard footsteps behind me. I turned around and sure enough like I thought it was Vic. He couldn't do anything now though. It was to late. He was to late.

"Kellin what did you do?" He yelled and ran to me quickly looking over all the things covering the ground. He gave me a stunned look and pointed to the pills questioningly. I nodded.

"Fucking spit them out now," he said sternly.

"I already swallowed them," I cried.

"Then gag them up or I'm calling 911," he said getting more worried. I made a fake gagging noise.

"Kellin..gag them the fuck up now."

This time I tried it for real and since they weren't all the way down I ended up getting some ruminants of the pills out and I spit them back into the bottles.

"How many pills was it?" He asked.

"Like 60,"

"That's not enough we either have to go get your stomach pumped or you have to gag up more." I tried gagging and more powder and whitish saliva came up. I did that for about half hour until all that came up was normal stuff.

"You would have been dead by now if they settled in so I think your good." He said. I started crying harder.

"Why would you to that. That was the second time you stopped me." I sobbed.

"Because I care about you. I don't want to lose you," he said calmly. I cried harder and he knelt down and sat beside me. He pulled me into his lap and pushed my head onto his shoulder. I sobbed into it and more than likely got spit all over his shirt. He brushed his fingers through my hair which helped me calm down a little. He whispered calming noises in my ear until it was silent except for small sniffles from myself every once I awhile. He picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his body but still kept sobbing a little and crying into his sweatshirt. We walked to the car and he sat me down in the backseat and I laid down.

"Thank you," I sniffled.

"No problem," he smiled.

"I feel bad," he gave me a wondering glance, "why would you want to be with someone that has major freak outs like that. It's not like they will ever go away. I'll be stuck with them for the rest of my life,"

"Well the second part is true but I do want to be with you. You're amazing Kellin. Also, it might be an inappropriate time but you look hot as fuck in my sweatshirt." I blushed and smiled at his little compliment.

"Aw you're blushing," he chuckled.

"Shut your face." I giggled. He stuck his tongue out at me and continued driving back to campus.

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I'm gonna start dedicating chapters to people. This chapter is dedicated to @kellic_shipper66 and Rynn12