Do I want to keep on destroying myself or do I want to try and stay sane?
it'd be an easy choice for anyone. but recovery is scary when you don't remember how to live without having suicide and self harm at the back of your mind, constantly following you and never letting you go.
I want to die but I also wish I'd stop wanting to die.
I want to make myself bleed more but I also wish I'd stop wanting to bleed.
it's easy to think that way now that I'm not in school but once it starts again and I'll be confronted to reality, to how much of a failure and a disappointment I am. there's no way I'll still want to recover when I'm there. I'll think of tearing myself apart whenever I don't know the answer or when I can't hand papers in because the fright of failure keeps me from doing them. once again it doesn't make sense, logically the fright of failure pushes people to do more and do better, but it's not how my brain works.
YOU ARE READING
fatty's story
Non-FictionRandom thoughts that goes through the head of a 18 years old girl who's dealing with depression and eating disorders. I DO NOT think mental illnesses are "cute" or "trendy" nor do I encourage dangerous behaviours. *TRIGER WARNING eating disorder, se...
