Not Enough (Phan AU)

here comes the sun

Dan

'1..2..3... 1..2..3... Step, step, turn. Step, jump, spin.'

I ran the moves over and over again in my head. As I jumped, my right foot buckled and caught my left foot. I was sent tumbling to the floor. The bitter taste of wood and spit diffused in my mouth. I held my position ridged and choked a sob. Beethoven's 5th was the only other sound that echoed in the studio. I rolled onto my back and brought my hands to my face, breathing heavily.

The clock on the wall read past 10 pm. The department would be locking up soon. My hair had curled slightly in the past 6 hours. The beads of sweat rolled down my face and my bones sounded as I pushed myself up. I took one look in the wall of mirrors and scoffed at my reflection. The stop button on the stereo clicked as I collected my phone.

Talking to myself had become an almost bad habit of mine. I muttered to myself as I wandered back to my dorm - being too lazy to make use of the changing rooms. My head was down and my heart was racing.
1...2...3... 1...2...3... Step, step, turn... Step, jump, turn. The steps seemed easy in my head, so why couldn't I just put it all into practice? If I could just spend the next week or so - at least 6 hours a day - practicing my technique then maybe I could-

Crash.

It took a while for me to register but I found myself on the floor surrounded by art supplies. I pinched the bridge of my nose and squeezed my eyes. What just happened. I opened my eyes to see a ghost-like pale boy with eyes that sparkled like storm clouds right before the lightning hit. Clouds of grey and blue threatened floods and fury while pupils increased in passion, eyelashes catching the rain.

The boy gasped, "I'm so sorry." He shot to gather his things. I sat there and stared at him. I didn't say anything when he offered to help me up. I didn't say anything as I brushed my clothes off. I didn't say anything as he hurried off down the hall. Who was this guy? And why did he have such an effect on me?

***

He was all I could think about that night. I lay there awake on my uncomfortable, dank, old dorm mattress. Life didn't come easy as a college student. Your entire life seems to be consumed with studying, practicing your major and 'dorm-keeping'. Maybe that was the reason for my lack of a social life... No, it wasn't.
My mind flickered back to him, 'Well done dumb ass, you didn't even catch his name!' So I sighed and rolled over, occasionally wincing as a loose spring dug into my spine.

"Oi, Twinkle Toes." came a whisper from the darkness. "Some of us need to sleep!"
Chris Kendall. Major? Being an absolute nut. He was a good friend, though. Strong in the gay department, but that didn't change anything between us.
"Yeah, by the looks of things you need all the beauty sleep you can get." I shot back. Nothing was said back, however, seconds later I felt - what I think was a shoe - connect with my face and a laugh from Chris.

***

The next morning I stood at the mirror that hung by my bed. The shirt I wore exposed my hollow collarbones. Sighing, I grabbed my rucksack and swung it over my shoulder. My hand reached for the door but I froze as I heard Chris' voice behind me. "You're not eating?"
I held my breath. "Dan..?" I let myself breathe. Smiling, I faced him.
"I'm honestly not hungry," Lies "Besides, I have a few hours before by next lecture so I'm just going to go down to the studios and practise."

Chris gave me this longing look and sighed. "Okay, Dan." I gave him a weak smile and left. That was too close. It was only around 9 AM so most students didn't have lessons. The air was crisp, laced with the smell of last night's rain. I was basically always the first one in the studios. Very few people got accepted into this college with a fully paid dance scholarship. I couldn't afford to lose it.

I steered right before the studios and I was headed for the changing rooms. First one, like always. I threw my bag into the corner then proceeded to wander over to it to retrieve my phone and speaker. With them in my hands, I meandered into one of the empty studios. Come on, Dan. 1..2..3... 1..2..3... Step, step, turn. Step, jump, spin. CRASH.
It's fine, Dan. It's early days. I pushed myself up again and my eyes trailed to the window.

There he was, the boy from yesterday, sketching away in a notebook. Beauty, elegance, grace... Yeah, everything that I am not. Shaking the thought of him out of my head, I tried again... and again... and again.

I growled at myself. I was too distracted to dance. My blue eyed boy, I hoped to see him when I glanced out the window, but he was gone. It wasn't even 10 AM yet. Maybe I'd just go back and hang around Chris... Yeah, that'd take my mind off of things. It took me less that five minutes to walk across the campus.

When I returned, I found Chris exactly where he'd been when I left. "Hey, Chris," I smiled. Chris looked up from his laptop and I threw my bag over to my bed.
"Practise isn't working?" He asked. I hummed and told him I was too distracted, this caught his attention. "Distracted by who, Howell?" He smirked. My cheeks darkened and I looked away.

"Danny's crushing on some boy!" He giggled and I blushed harder.
  "I told you. Don't call me that!"
  "Okay, okay, but who is he?" Chris asked. I sighed,
  "That's the thing... I don't know." I told him all about last night.

Chris cleared his throat, "sounds like you need some advice, and I... Am not the one to give it to you." He and I laughed, "I'm heading over to PJ's dorm in a few and he'll be able to help you out."
  PJ was Chris' current boyfriend. I hadn't met him yet but Chris was raving about how he was the right one, even though he has said that about every guy he's been with.

"Yeah, okay then." I beamed. Chris sprung up and bolted to the bathroom, 'do I look okay' he asked about a thousand times. I assured him everything would go smoothly. He then pulled everything out from his wardrobe.
  "This okay? Too flashy?" You could see he was nervous. I gripped his shoulders and shook him.
  "Everything. Will. Be. Fine." I repeated. He took a deep breath and nodded.
  "Okay... Okay! Everything will be fine." He grinned.

***

PJ's dorm was in a completely different building to ours. I took the opportunity to run the steps over in my head, occasionally jumping to the routine. Chris looked over to me, "Looks like I'm not the only nervous one, Twinkle Toes."
  "Huh? Oh... Haha." I laughed sarcastically. Chris was going to retort but he noticed we were here already. Too fast for my liking.
  "He says his room is on the middle floor. Like us basically. Room 182." I nodded and Chris led the way.

Step after step, my stomach was churning the whole was up. And then suddenly we were there. Chris knocked on the door as I hid slightly behind him.
  Someone - who I could only guess was PJ - opened the door. "Chris!" He grinned. PJ was taller than myself and Chris, his curly brown hair and emerald green eyes made him seem like a perfect match for Chris.

"I brought Dan with me, I hope that's okay." Chris laughed sheepishly. PJ took one look behind Chris and I stepped out. He gave me a warm smile.
  "Of course, come on in guys."
I stepped into the dorm and it was like I'd been transported to another planet. Rockets and other space themed things decorated the room, but didn't clutter the place.

Looking over to the other side of the room, there was a second bed. I really didn't want to have to introduce myself again. That side of the room had drawings and painted all pinned up on the wall.
  "So you're the infamous roommate I've heard so much about." PJ cut off my trail of thought. I nodded. "At least your roommate isn't as bad as mine." He stated this to Chris.

"Hey! I'm not that bad." I heard a distant voice from a wall over. The voice turned into footsteps and the footsteps turned into a figure swinging by the doorframe.
  He had a goofy smile on his face and a black fringe covering his face. He pushed his hair out of his face. It was his eyes I noticed first. His stormy blue eyes. My blue eyes boy.

"Hi, I'm Phil."