Not Enough (Phan AU)

the sun will rise and we will try again

Dan

The house was as silent when I woke as it was when I fell asleep. No one was up and it was the perfect opportunity for me to leave without a trace. I placed the blanket and the pillow back into the boiler cupboard. Then I slipped on my shoes and was just reaching for the door handle when I heard, "Daniel James Howell!" Well fuck.

"Don't even think you're leaving this house without eating," Louise stated. My shoulders dropped and I reluctantly turned around. I didn't even look up when Louise grabbed my wrist and pulled me into the kitchen. My feet padded on the partially cracked terracotta tiles behind her. She pulled two boxes of cereal from a white wooden cupboard, "Which one?" She asked. I reached for them but she pulled them away, "Without looking at the calorie count."

I pouted, "Left." I mumbled. After standing there like an idiot, I decided to help Louise in setting the table. I had just lay down the last plate when someone came running down the stairs. "Danny!" She squealed, jumped and hooked her arms around my neck so she clung onto my back.
"Morning, Dodie," I replied, completely unfazed. She let go and slid off of me. She stood next to me, staring until I looked at her. I gave her warm smile to which she responded by poking my cheek and giggling.

One by one, they all eventually woke up and trailed downstairs. Hazel was the last to appear, was was most notable was the scarf wrapped around her neck. Louise and I shared a glance, we knew what that meant. Hazel pulled up a chair and joined the conversation that floated around the table. "So, Hazel..." Sophie coughed.
We all knew what was coming. Hazel rolled her eyes, "Yes, Sophie?" She couldn't keep a straight face.

"I like your scarf." Sophie choked and along with the rest of them, burst out laughing. I gave a smug look into my cereal.
"For your information," Hazel replied saltily, "His name is Jack and we did indeed hit it off quite well."
"Clearly." Zoe chimed in.

Hazel huffed. "Anyway." She raised her voice, clearly wanting to change the subject. "Good morning, Dan. It's nice to have you." My head jerked up and I was met with six sets of eyes looking over at me. A diffident smile plastered on my face. Hazel continued, "What brings you here anyway?"

The thought of PJ and Chris together with their limbs tangled and a sheet half-heartedly strewn across them came to mind. "Oh." I started. "Chris and PJ wanted to room last night so I asked Louise if I could just stay here last night."
"They couldn't use PJ's room?" Zoe asked. I felt that familiar closing feeling around my neck, I shook my head.
"That's typical PJ," Sophie mumbled. They had their past, grew up together and all of that. I kept nodding throughout the conversation and the banter. I didn't really say anything after that. I cleared up what I needed to and made my way back to everyone.

"As lovely as this morning has been, I am afraid I might get back to my dorm before Chris breaks something," I smiled. Louise got up to walk me to the door. I waved to everyone and went with Louise.
She hugged me and keeping her voice low, she said, "Please keep yourself alive, for us."
"No promises." I sighed. Louise rubbed my arms then opened the door. "I'll see you soon."

I knew I should have bought more than this stupid grey cardigan. I was barely two minutes from the cottage and it felt like my arms were going to drop off. The fountain in the centre of the campus wasn't on... Perhaps its was too early in the morning. My head was down and my mind was racing once more. My shoulder brushed against a couple people but that was normal.

What wasn't normal was that I fully bumped into someone for the second time in 48 hours. I rubbed the spot on my head where it had connected with that person's shoulder. "I'm so-" I began but my words seemed to stop working. They laughed.
"We really need to stop running into each other like this, Dan." It was Phil. Again. I passed a nervous laugh. My eyes trailed to the small cut on Phil's cheekbone.

"Oh, my god. Did I do that?" I gasped. Phil slowly lifted his hand to his cheek. His face paled a little.
"No. That was there before." He answered. "Anyway... We really have to catch u-"

"Phil."
Phil's eyes widened and he froze slightly. Charlie Skies strolled up beside him and slipped his arm protectively around Phil's waist in true Charlie fashion. "How many times? Don't run away from me like that!" Charlie laughed but anyone could hear the anger behind it. "Who is this, anyway?" Charlie looked at me. Phil began to stutter.

"Dan," I said, a little too confidently. Charlie looked me up and down then raised his eyebrow.
"Right." He said flatly. "Well, we'll be going as we have some unfinished business to attend to. Isn't that right, Phil."
Phil nodded quickly and Charlie steered him in the opposite direction. God, I hate that guy.

***

'1..2..3... 1..2..3... Step, step, turn. Step, jump, spin.'

I was stood on my two feet. The tingling sensation in my feet meant that what I just did actually happened. "Oh my God," I whispered. I landed the jump. So I did it again, and again, and again. I was positively beaming. I had to choreograph the next part. This was all so exciting and overwhelming. Rushing out of the studio, I rounded the corner and ran for the dorm. 

"What have I said!" I heard someone shout and I stopped dead in my tracks and backed against a brick wall. "You are my boyfriend. Not his." a menacing voice echoed from an ally way.
  The other voice sounded terrified, "We're not even that close, I-"

Smack.

My breath caught in my throat. The first voice spoke again. "Don't even think about going near them again. I don't care if they're your best friends. I don't care if they're family. You belong with me." They spat.
Quiet sobs came next. The first voice spoke again, only this time,it was soft. "Oh, baby come here. I'm only looking out for you. I love you." Sniffles and a mumbled reply followed by footsteps. I didn't stick around to see who they were. But I had a pretty good idea.

***

"Chris?"
"Yeah Twinkle Toes"
"What's your major again...? I forget."
"Drama." He laughed.

I nodded and rolled onto my side. "What time is it?" Oh, the torture of making small talk.
"Only 7."
I lay there, thinking to myself. I had to see him. I had to see if he was okay. My heart was still racing and every inch of me was pleading that it wasn't him. "Chris. I need to see Phil about something but I can't just go over there when we've only met twice."
Chris hummed. "I understand. I could jut say I've left some textbooks there."
"You're the best."

Pulling on my shoes, I looked to Chris. He stared at his phone, "All good." He assured me. Chris pocketed his phone and smiled.
We weren't even out of the main entrance to our dormitory when I started running. I ran and I ran and I ran as fast as I could to their building. I stopped when I remembered Chris. He caught up eventually, "If you're going to use me as an excuse to see Juliet, then it would be nice if you didn't run off like that." Chris panted.

I muttered an apology and sprinted up the stairs. I didn't consider myself 'athletic' but being a dancer meant I wasn't completely out of shape. Chris knocked on the door; PJ smiled when he opened the door. "I brought Dan along with me because it was getting dark and I didn't want to be alone in the dark," Chris said.
"But your dorm in literally 30 meters away from here." PJ laughed.
"Even so..."

I didn't pay attention to their conversation after that. My eyes trailed to opposite side of the room where I saw Phil quietly sketching. "Hey, guys." He spoke half-heartedly, not even looking up from his sketch.
Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. LOOK AT ME, PHIL! Please...

His eyes flickered up for less than half a second but it was long enough to notice me staring. "Come sit." He beckoned, still drawing. I lost my breath. I sat next to him, cross-legged and facing him. "You know, you'd look really pretty in a beanie," Phil commented. I blushed intensely.
He looked up at me. He was no longer drawing but looking at me, taking down every detail my grotesque face bore.

He looked at me and I looked at him. My heart was racing. Please don't let it be there, please. Let it be anyone else but my precious-

I gasped, "Oh, Phil."