Not Enough (Phan AU)

things are shaping up to be pretty odd

Dan

I should have known. Why did I let my heart get the better of me? Of course something would come up; of course, he wouldn't show up. I practised anyway, I had to. The competition was in two weeks, I had no choice. If anything good was to come out of this, the new found conflict I felt helped me choreograph more of my routine. Emotions like betrayal, jealousy, anger and frustration flooded my mind. The adrenaline coursed through my blood. A sense of longing that struck in my limbs as I danced until I could feel the all too familiar taste of blood in my mouth.

The sound of buzzing in my ears seemed to echo throughout the studio. I was having trouble catching my breath as black spots faded in and out of my vision. My legs felt numb and I couldn't feel my heart. I went from being doubled over to sat on my ass in the middle of the room. Alone. Just as it always would be.
I couldn't tell how long it took for the room to stop spinning but clearly, it was too long.

"DAN!!" Louise screeched as I heard her burst into the room, her stilettos banging on the wood floor. I groaned as I rolled over onto my stomach, my arms felt like noodles as I got to my feet. I stumbled as my head felt inexplicably light. She grabbed my arm and helped me stand still. For a minute she forgot her important news as she gave me a worried look and fished a bottle of water from her bag.

"You called?" I wheezed as I took the water.
Louise nodded, "You might want to see this." She showed me her phone, it was a mass text. The title? "Homewrecker Howell"
It felt like all the air had been knocked from my lungs. It was the photo of me and Phil.

Not only that but the text had been sent from the one and only, infamous and drop-dead annoying "K". Who was K? It stood for KeemStar... Killer KeemStar, the universities number one person for all things drama and gossip. Needless to say, my life was pretty much ruined.
I sunk to my knees and curled into a ball. I felt sick. More betrayal, more anger and more hurt. How could Phil do that to me? Was standing me up not enough for him?

Was I not enough for him?

Phil

"Ch-Charlie, I can explain-" I began.
"Explain what?!" He exploded. He began muttering countless curses under his breath. He punched the wall a few inches from my face. My knees went weak, I couldn't breathe. I hugged my sides and slid to the ground.

Charlie scoffed, "Don't start crying now, bitch. You know you fucked up." He spat.
"Please don't hurt me," I choked.
Charlie laughed. "Don't worry about you, sweetheart." He crouched to my level and ran a finger across my jawline and under my chin, sending shivers down my spine. He took my hand and pulled me to my feet. "I'd be more worried about your little friend here."

I sobbed harder, I begged him not to hurt Dan. Charlie smiled menacingly. "I won't do anything physical..." He stated as the lump in my throat rose, "But wouldn't it be a shame if a couple of people found out. I can ruin him, Phil." Charlie spat my name out like venom.
"No! Please, I'll do anything." I pleaded.

Charlie's eyes grew and sparkled. "Anything..?"

I swallowed my pride. "Yes."
His face darkened. "On your knees, slut."
I nodded and obeyed, holding back fresh tears. I did what he told me, I did what he wanted. I always did. That was the way it was.

Dan

Louise sat with me as I sobbed into her shoulder. "Come on," she said calmly as she rubbed my back and my cries had died down into soft hiccups. "let's go home."

She led me out of the studio, she took my bag and let me hold myself as we faced the rest of the campus together. The minute I stepped out of those doors, I felt a million pairs of eyes on me. People's whispers harmonised with the breeze. I looked at Louise and silently begged her to let me go back inside.

She took my hand and cleared her throat,
"Louise, don't-"

"SHAME ON ALL YOU WHO BELIEVE SUCH PETTY RUMOURS." She bellowed, loud enough for the nearest University 30 miles away could hear. My hands began to shake so she held one of them tighter. Dragging me behind her, I followed her as we stormed out of there. Next, she pulled out her phone and dialled the most recent number.
"Ladies, we have a code red. Prepare action stations."

I sighed. "Louise please, it's not like we're preparing for battle or anything."

She stopped dead in her tracks and turned to me. "Hun, this isn't a battle. This is a war..."
I rolled my eyes, "You're too dramatic for your own good."

Less than a few minutes later, I was back at her house and in the arms of the girls. They all cradled me and assured me everything would be okay.
  "Half of the campus don't even believe what this KeemStar idiot says, I mean it's 2010 for god's sake! Some people need to get a life already." Hazel assures me. I nod but don't lift my head up. I'm biting back the tears.

"There are some of your clothes in the cupboard and the bathroom is on the left. You'll feel better after you've changed." Louise smiled at me. I nodded again and trailed upstairs. She'd saved my black jeans and grey robot shirt. This brought a small smile to my face as I remembered why she had them in the first place. It was one of those nights where they'd begged me to stay over so that they could dress me up and do my make-up. Clearly, I'd left them behind and hadn't realised when I went home the next morning.

I stepped into the bathroom and locked the door behind me. The clothes on my body fell to the floor. I stared at my reflection as I often did and I was just disgusted by the face staring back at me. It was almost like a sick obsession to pick out every little flaw in my body. I went from head to toe and named at least one thing about everything I detested.

My hair was curled and clamped to my forehead from practice. I turned the shower handle and let the warm water fall onto my face and down my body - Louise had told me before to treat this place like my own. I took the time to myself, time to think about the events over the last few days. Everything about Phil Lester was so enticing.

He was the kind of person you wanted to have little inside jokes with, like the kind of person who'd take you out for coffee and enlighten you on his theories of the universe. When you're around him, you feel this safe aura almost radiate around you like he was taking you into his arms and protecting you from all the negativity in your life. 

Phil Lester doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would break your heart, more like the kind of person who would do everything he can to make you feel like you were the most extraordinary and significant person in the world. I wanted him to be the one who I called at 3 AM when things were falling apart. I wanted him to be the one who held me tight when I was breaking apart. I wanted him to be apart of my life.

My train of thought was interrupted by the sound of someone knocking on the bathroom door. "Dan...?" It was Carrie. "You've been in there a while and Louise wanted me to check if you were okay."
  My heart skipped a beat. I'd completely lost track of time. "I'm fine, just finishing up now," I called back and scrambled to get a towel around my waist. I opened the door slightly to see Carrie. I smiled.

"Zoe said she wanted to watch Dirty Dancing, again, tonight and we were wondering if you wanted to join us." She asked.
  I contemplated it for a moment. "Sure. I'll be out in a second." I beamed. Carrie nodded and turned to walk downstairs.
  I changed into the clothes Louise had for me and towel dried my hair. It was curly but that was probably the least of my problems right now. 

I came downstairs to see that the living room had been transformed into a pillow fort with blankets and bowls of popcorn everywhere. Dodie tugged slightly on the leg of my trousers, I took that as a hint she wanted to sit next to me. I sat down with my back to the sofa and Dodie curled up next to me with her head on my chest. I'd always thought of her as a little sister, and besides, I knew who she really wanted to be with.

My eyes flickered to Carrie and she returned a soft smile. Sophie dimmed the lights and that's pretty much how the night continued. Some would say it felt like home but for me, something was missing.

Phil

I was scared. I lay there stiffer than a board as Charlie wrapped his arms tighter around my waist. Maybe I'd pass out from the lack of sleep, maybe then I'd be calm. My brain wouldn't stop buzzing. My hands wouldn't stop shaking. This wasn't going to end. I could nothing to stop this. I wanted things to change. They wouldn't. I was scared.