bad bitch life

i dont know"

19 April;
yesterday ive talked to Collin by facebook, cz i wantted him to come, and talk, but as always, it end up with fighting, and i was sad, cz in everytime, he cant do smthg for, he cant undrestand me, he cant deal , with what im living , with what im suffering from.

this morning i woke up, after a bad night, i was completly out of my mind, i was so not okey, crying all night, and thinking, i did my usual rotine, listning to  thomas gold, harrison, take me home song"",  feeling soo far , like i do not belong to my heart, i leave it somewhere , like im walking with an empty soul.

i got ready for school, with my dark blue skiny jeans, and cute summer top, with red sash , i looked beautifull, like i always think of myself without waiting people to tell me.

it was from the worse days in highschool, little brother of Collin, slipt away , and getting back to ignoring game, i didnt want him, but i dont know maybe i was jealouse , from him, and his gfriend , cz she's not hot, or even better than me , all what she could do, is making out, cz she's already a bitch.

i didnt talked to anyone, this morning, while tears were waiting me to just blink to full down, i wasnt in a good mood to study , but i forced myself to get in the classroom, for a maths revision , it was boring, plus the way i was feel.

two hours from studying then i decided to walk down stairs, to  the yard, and i saw keth, ""Collin little brother""", with his gfriend as what it seems , they get back to each other, i mean seriosly that's what i need now, to see this, before only one day ago, i've missed the chance to meet his brother Collin, cz i was making out with him, he wantted me too, but suddenly he want his ex girlfriend, and that's somehow pissed me off, like really , he was playing with me or smthg.

keth im going make u suffer..
" in everytime u wantted to go far , u came back again , but this time is diffrent, it wont be easy for u "".. i wont let it go easly.
watch out...

when it was third session , i had frensh, and i decided to skip it, and for the first time, i just wantted to go home, i was so upset , and tired , emotionly, and physicly, i went out the highschool, where the second and first year students were doing a strike, i walked threw my friend kiara hood , to say hey and then went home..

suddenly , i saw ..guess who...

it was Collin, he looked so, i mean so handsome, omg with his jean short, and green tshirt, black glasses, i was soo suprised, but imedietly i looked down, cz we had a fight a day before, so i passed by him with ignorance, then he called me, as i turned back to see what he want from me, he asked me about the highschool, and if we could talk there, i told him the truth as much as i wanted to be with him, for few moments at least, even we are not gonna agree with everything.

i went back to highschool, i ran up stairs, to let my friends know, Emely and rose, to cover the halls, for me if any student will come to see us, cz Collin is not studying here no longer, so it might be a problem, if anyone saw him.

i waited for few minutes then finally he showed up, we walked together, to see if there are empty classes, when we reached the last hall, we passed by a class, and i saw ......."""Heather"", Collin exgirlfriend, woo, she looked up, to see who's passing by her,  she saw Collin first then me, walking after him, that what make her get shocked, she looked at me, with curiose , then we walked away, he didnt even talk to her , and i think cz i was with him, he know i will be mad of him.

we came back to my class hall, he told me to hurry and decide what i want , as i looked at him with sadness, i've told him, why did u even come, is that just to know my answer and leave that' s it!!!.. 
he get inside my class , none was studying, and i follwed him, he asked me, to close the door behind me, while i was in the corner and he was standing right in front of me , stucking me there, and i was scared as always, he reached the door from my behind, then he close it, i sat on a table, as he did, then we talked , i was sad , i couldnt look into his eyes, i was afraid from losing him...

he was waiting me to say as i was talking , he moved his lips , in ""yes"" letters , whispiring to make me say yes.

tears were almost full down, i couldnt say yes i will do what u want, i couldnt say no , go away either, it was pain.

he was standing again infront of me trying to make me accept , he got closer to me, with his nose, his mouth , he tried to make me weak , he put a cute, soft ,kiss on my lips.

after disagreement , he stood, to walk out, and leave, i lift my leg , threw the wall to block the way out, he looked at me, as i did with a serieuse look, and sad one, he told me to move my leg , but i didnt , he asked from me again and again, then i looked at him , like i was saying ..dont make it hard for both of us....

he looked at me, serieuse and he walked from my behind , to get out, but i stood up , and turned to face him and block his way , i was too close to him, looking into his eyes, to not let me, and i did say "" dont leave , Collin"".

he talked to me again , and explain to me , again, what he want , and i just repeated the situation i live , which make me unable to do what he want from me.

he looked in my eyes, like begging me, to say yes, i moved away from him , and stood infront of board , and i've put my forhead on it, my hands touching it, took a deep breath heavely , i was so saaaaaaad.

i wasnt able to get the idea of , i migh losee him, somehow, i was sure he will keep trying.

i went out standing in front of my classroom door, he turned to face me, as i was leaning on the edge of the door, i asked him , if he still sad from me, cz at least ive tried something, but he said its okey , and we will make it up on thursday.
i told him , if he's going without giving me a goodbay kiss, but he told me that he cant after we , made out, so ..anyway.

he smiled at me, and promised me that he will come thursday and get my kiss, to not stay sad from him, i smiled back , and he left.

hey hey hey , what do u think so far , do Collin , love alexa or what , !!!
would he agree and accept the situation she live, and try to deal with, or he will give up on her,...
c u soon bayy

Alexa
ND