It's funny how love works

Blocked...

I have no more contact with her. Life is just not the same anymore. I'm confused, lost, abandoned, lonely, hurt, and stressed out. She walks past me as if I never even once existed in her life. She lies to me to get me to stop talking to her. She says we aren't on bad terms yet I'm blocked... Blocked out of her life... Blocked out of her heart... Blocked out of her hugs... Blocked out of her eyes... Blocked out of her kisses... I'm blocked. All I ask myself now is "what did I do to deserve this?". All I ever wanted was a girl to call mine and love and treat her well and surprise her as much as I could. This book was supposed to be a five chapter book of love and instead it ended up being a book with love in the beginning and pain in the end. I guess it really is funny how love works. I've realized what I did. Hoe, slut, bitch, stupid, dumb, childish, immature, etc. painful words and I realize that. I regret what I did and I've been trying to show her that while also trying to get you back. She said she was in a dark place and so much was going on a she lost feelings. How do she think I felt? I was losing the girl I love. The girl that we both promised we would never leave each other no matter what. The girl that said I had the key to her heart and nobody else did. The girl that once couldn't wait till we got older to get married. The girl that couldn't wait till she woke up to see me beside her on a bed. The girl that was once in love with me. The girl that was once scared to lose me. The girl that once thought I was sexy even though I knew I was fat and not the best looking guy. The girl I once shared hundreds of moments, hugs, and kisses with. I admit what I did was wrong but what about what she did? I forgave her and gave her a second chance and yet she still left. Yet she expects me to act cool about everything and not be hurt and move on? My whole life after she left me has been shit. I only live life still because of my family. I only go to school because I'm still trying to pursue my dream of being an Architect, but all I do now is sleep in my classes and stare off into space and remember everything about us. I'm all anxious. I can't sit still. I can't focus on one thing without a memory of me and her popping up in my mind. I can't even talk to her anymore. Right now I would be on FaceTime with her talking about how our days went and telling each other how much we love each other. Instead she texts someone else. Instead she Facetimes someone else. Instead she gives her heart to someone else. I've realized that I wanted her back ever since we broke up. I fucked up and I realize that, but what is so different about me that I can't get a second chance? Why do I deserve this? All I was trying to do was make you happy by letting you go and hurting myself. Why can't she realize how much I love her enough to come back into my arms where her home use to be... I'm blocked.