Talk to Me [The Mentalist]

5

When the church bells announced the middle of the day by ringing twelve times I finally rose and laid Charlotte and Angela down. I still remembered the way they were laying when I found them and, though it hurt me, I rearranged their bodies.

I stretched my sore body. Only now I realized how much it hurt. I looked into the large mirror to see myself covered with blood. I took a new suit from the wardrobe and changed. The old one I threw into the bin together with other laundry. I walked downstairs and grabbed the phone.

My movements were without any emotion. I moved like a robot. Shutting away all my emotions enabled me to move right now. Slowly I dialled the number of Lisbon. She leads the team investigating in the cases concerning Red John. I helped them as a Consultant. After a short moment I heard her voice. She was annoyed, asking why I didn't show up to work today.

I tried to speak up, but no words came out of my mouth. I just stayed silent. When I didn't start speaking I could hear slight concern rising in her voice. Still I couldn't manage to speak. My mind felt numb. It already did the whole morning, starting off in the night. Focus. I needed to focus, taking step after step. I already had gone up and called her. The next step would be talking. A clear task had formed in my mind and I finally felt able to solve it.

With another try words came out. My voice sounded hoarse. "They're dead." Just one little phrase, three words, but it shut Lisbon completely quiet. I didn't knew her for long, but I sure knew she was confused, not understanding what I told her. After a few moments she spoke up again. "Who's dead? Jane? What's wrong?" I could tell by her voice that she was taking it serious. She wouldn't make fun of me. I took a deep breath. I needed to give her more information. But I was feared of pronouncing it; feared that it now was all a dream, but if I'd say it, it would become real. I feared I would break down again, that my efforts of shutting away my feelings would have been pointless. Though the pain had never left.

I heard her voice again. "Jane, say it. What's wrong? You've never been out of words the time I knew you. Come on, just say it." Her voice was growing impatient. Who could blame her? The conversation, as far as you can call it one, was going on over about five minutes already. I heard the words I needed to say in my mind. They were clear and almost screaming in my thoughts. Yet I couldn't form them. My throat felt like someone had put some ropes around it.

"Fine, Jane. You know what? I don't need to listen to you not saying a word. I've got work to do. Go and talk, or don't talk, to your wife! I don't have time for this." As she mentioned Angela a single tear ran down my cheek and I inhaled sharply. "I can't. Ever again." Then the phone fell out of my hand and hit the floor, just a moment before I did the same. The world around me went black and the last thing I heard was Lisbon's voice shouting my name through the phone.