Deal With It By: Audrey B. Holley

Chapter 20

It is the day after Christmas, and I'm propped up against my pillow as I lie on my bed. Benjie plays with a loose thread from the sleeve of my shirt.

"So...I've been thinking." He starts off.

I only listen.

"About what you said that day at my house..." he chews on his bottom lip as he ponders what to say. "This is hard for me..." His cheek presses to my shoulder when he looks up at me.

I nod for him to proceed.

"I want to be a good man to you, so I'm seeing someone who can help me." He sits up, crosses his legs, therefore, his knee makes contact with my thigh. A wave of flurries scurry along the side of me he pats so softly.

"That's great. I'm happy about that." I smile to assure that the feeling is real.

He traces little circles on my left palm with his fingers, and draws out a ragged breath. "I like you a lot, and so I'm not going to let the past affect my behavior."

And then he winces.

"What's wrong?" I furrow my brows, and raise up.

When he swallows, I can see his adams apple bopping up his thick throat. "I just feel bruised. Sometimes the memories think on their own, and so I'm stuck in the mess." His eyes drift to my face, almost pleading with me to drown his previous childhood.

"I'm sorry." Is all I can offer to say.

"Don't be. I'm just unfortunate." He then looks at a spot on my bed, just stares with a disturbed expression.

I stand, walk to my dresser, and rummage through my CD's and decide to play Paramore. I click the button and stop at track 8. The only exception harmonizes into the room.

He glances over his shoulder at me, and so I angle my head, allowing hair to sweep over half of my face. I peek at him through the curtain of my lashes.

"Dance with me?"

When he doesn't respond, I stride to him, place a palm on top of his limp hand, and beckon him inaudibly. He stands, and I kid you not...Benjie is one big bundle of a man. The sigh of his breath dissolves my limbs into jelly. I'm all wobbly inside, and the sight of his whopping build dazes me to the core.

He has a heart that thumps against my cheeks. Our bodies sway to the melodies singing from my radio. I bring my hands to his back when I stare up at him.

"Benjie, I want you to know that I'm always here for you. Night and day, I'm your girl."

His lips are at my ear when he says, "Same to you, my love." 

"I love you." I say after a moment of silence.

A smile plays with the corners of his mouth as he draws his thumb across the edge of my jaw. "You're so darn beautiful." And then he touches my bottom lip. There's almost this lurid shimmer dancing within his pupils, and I just want to fall into the superb madness of his penetrative gaze.

"You think so?" I arch a brow in questioning.

"I wouldn't lie." he says.

Looking to my window, I suggest an activity. "Do you want to play in the snow?"

He laughs. "Playing in the snow is for kids."

I turn to him, saying, "And?"

* * * * *

After frequent combats, my toes are numb, and my hands are wet from the slushy snow seeping through my gloves, yet the battle has only just begun.

I dash behind a big clump of melting ice for cover, and once I've built enough ammo, I launch several balls of sticky flakes near Benjies battlegrounds. I reason with myself weather or not if I should cross into the no mans land, and retrieve my rightful position as winner of the war.