Things That Make Me Wanna Facepalm (PJO rants)

Back to the Future Number 300,000,000

A while ago (like about 2 months) I had been asked to rant on Percy Jackson characters reading their own books. Between schoolwork, dance, and my other books, I've only just gotten to it. Sorry, but now it's here! This is what would happen if I was in these books. Let's begin!

~teamleo13

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My POV:

Boom! With a flash of dramatic lightning (because that is the only possible effect), seven figures arrived on Mount Olympus (or Goode High, cause, you know, why not expose yourself to mortals...)

"WHO DARES TO ENTER MY PALLACCEEE!" Zeus screamed.

Suddenly, seven demigods  walk out of mysteriously appearing shadows. Except... (wait for the plot twist).

They were all the younger versions of the demigods we love (*dies from shock*): Thalia, Annabeth, Leo, Piper, Jason, Frank, and Hazel. Annabeth had just meant the great Percy Jackson. Thalia had just been woken up from her LONG nap as a tree. Leo, Piper, and Jason had just gone on their field ship to the Grand Canyon. And Frank and Hazel just got to Camp Jupiter. But it isn't like any of this is important because you are just going to forget what time period they are from anyway.

Then there was the commentator, who finds all the problems with this fanfiction and everyone ignores her commentary.(Yes, that's me, by the way...) 

 "Dude, chill," I said, "Here, have a chocolate bar. It calms me down when I'm PMSing."  

Zeus's eyes widened ignoring the commentary, "Thalia...I thought you were a tree!"

Yes, you guessed right, the gods are from before the whole Lightning Thief/Great Prophecy thing.

"I was..." Thalia said, "remember?"

"Yeah, I remember. You died two days ago."

Suddenly, a note fell from the sky. You know, instead of a mysterious, shadowy  figure. Cause what fun would that be? Annabeth picked up the note and read it (despite her dyslexia):

Dear demigods and gods of Olympus,

We have brought you all to read about a certain hero's fate. Make sure to introduce yourselves first. Don't worry, we have stopped time currently, because we are FREAKING KRONOS LIKE DAT and have no concern about the effect it has on PUNY MORTALS, so you won't age or die or blah, blah, blah, you know what we mean. We will also erase your memory after this, so why must we redo this for the 300,000,000th time? I don't know. 

Anyway, you are all from different, confusing time periods because we like to confuse you guys. Some are from the past and some are from the future...well, our past and future. SO NO SPOILERS (A/N RIVERSONG), even though we are, literally, showing you your whole future...except for some. We will be also added a few, or, you know, 20 more characters, just to make it even more confusing. TA TA!

~The Fates 

"Wow," I muttered, sarcastically, "Let's just all not question why they are doing this to us and do as we are told..."

"Okay," Athena said, "Where is this book?"

"Case in point," I confirm.

Then a hard book fell on Leo's head (why always Leo...or Jason? Haven't they already have enough head trauma), "Ouch."

Jason picked up the book and read the title, "Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief."

"Aw," Thalia, being the only one who knew much about Percy, cooed, "We are reading Kelp Head's first adventure...so adorable..."