lock our love away; phan

fourth i know

"Hey Chris!" Pj called to me. I turned my head around to greet him with a smile. "Sup Pj!"

He sat on the curb with me. We were waiting for Dan and Phil who were to our knowledge are going to have some kind of serious chat in the Library.

"Ever think about how you come to terms with apart of yourself you don't like?" Pj asked with a slobber look to him.

"No... I don't like changing myself very much. I try be happy with myself and if I'm not I just... I don't know. Learning to live with it seems to easy of an answer." I looked at him to see he was already staring at me. "What's with you anyway? Where's all this coming from?" I lightly smile at him and playfully punch his arm.

He chuckled with a shrug. "Lately," he sighed deeply, "lately I've been seeing guys the same way I see girls. Like all dateable and stuff." He seemed embarrassed and ashamed of himself. I put an arm around him and didn't say anything.

I didn't how. I didn't know what to say.

He rested his head on my shoulder, "my parents would kill if they knew." He said with a sad chuckle. I continued to stay silent and he didn't mind.

He would keep talking and I give short replies with a lot of meaning. "If I tell them and I get kicked out or something you be there for me, right?" He truly seemed torn up and scared about the whole thing. This had came from no where but the simple thought of a parent hating their kid for a dumb reason. "Of course. I'd let you stay at my house and even sleep in my bed," I remember something similar happened with Dan when he came out.

He'd been worried too. Yet Pj had more of reason because he already knew for fact his parents would turn him down. Dan at least knew his mum was there for him. This was much different in scale, but also very similar. I gave Pj the same amount of support, care, and love I did Dan.

We stayed like this until Dan and Phil came around. My arm over Pj and his head on my shoulder didn't bother me. I didn't question if I liked him or not. It was has simple as a friend comforting another friend and at that moment it was nothing more or nothing less.

When Dan and Phil came back they didn't question us, but instead acted weird. More distant. They strayed far apart from each other and in turn all four of us walked home in awkward silence.

*Library Chat*

Phil asked Dan to talk to him for a bit. Alone. Unknowingly what about Dan happily agreed and followed Phil to the library.

"Do you have a crush on me?" Phil regretted getting to the point as quickly has he did. Dan was taken back by Phil's question and stayed quiet for more moments than wanted. "Dan?"

"I mean, yeah? Can you blame me? Phil Lester a literal ball of sunshine. Phil Lester the nicest boy around. Phil Lester smart as hell. The most creative person I ever met with the best personality out there. Phil Lester the most good looking guy in my life and many others. Phil goddamn Lester the greatest person I know. Yeah, I'm going end up liking you more than a friend!" Dan covered his mouth. Phil felt odd about his out burst but put a hand on Dan's shoulder.

"Look, I didn't mind you being gay. That's just you and that's okay... but, now" Phil didn't know where he was going with this. He just knew he had to say something to make Dan feel better. "But now it's different. As far as I know I'm not gay or bisexual or anything, I mean, I don't think. If I am or if I was as straight as a bendy ruler than yeah, I would give it a shot but-"

"Give it a shot?" Dan uncovered his mouth with misty eyes. He felt hurt somehow. Dan. Poor Dan. They already knew how they felt, but they also knew they couldn't change the way they feel.

Phil tried fixed his words. "I just meant," he took in a deep breath of choosing his words more carefully now. "I just meant that I've questioning myself and if I actually do realize that I'm not straight than I would give us a try. To be fair, you're not to bad yourself there and just because your my friend." Phil with questioning everything and petrified of what he thought of doing next sent shivers down his spine. Phil kissed Dan on the cheek to Dan's surprise.

He felt still, clam but a war was breaking out in his head what to do next. "We should go back out they're waiting," Phil sighed leaning away. "L-lets not say anything about this either... its for the best." He added.

And just like that Dan felt like glass. Broken once more.

"Why not?" He heard him say. "I mean, they already know I like you..." his voice trailed. "It wouldn't be that big of a deal" he turned around following Phil out the door. Nervous. 'Maybe I'm pushing my luck'

"Because I don't really like people getting into my love life all too much. It's just until I figure out what I am, okay?" Dan nodded in return with a half smile. 'Kill me now'

Emotions are hard to control but they are best kept free, and truly do feel the strongest out in the open.

a.n~ mmmmm... this was longer than usual? i think. anyway i think lots of necessary fluff should happen soon with some people

Also minus these ten words the chapter is 969 words ;)