All My Fault (a Dan and Phil fan fiction)

Chapter Seventeen: Mute

Phil's POV:
Talking. Talking seems necessary in life. That's if you actually have someone to talk to. I did. I had many people. Now I have none. I have Dan. But not the way I wanted. Not the way I hoped for. So what is the point of talking? Being on mute sounds fun. No one can make me talk. I don't have to answer. I won't waste my breath. I won't be forced into talking or doing anything if they can't hear my voice. Just mute. Mute.
No one can pressure me into taking pills if I never open my mouth. Yes.
Mute.
Easy. I don't need pills or council sessions. I have my own way of getting through depression. Just don't talk.

"Ah- Phil! Your council sessions are in five minutes in room 11G." Doctor Martins said.
I bit my lip and forced a smile and nodded then awkwardly walked off. As I said, I didn't need sessions.

I sneaked into Dan's room to find him with even more tubes in his flesh. My poor Dan. I crouched down next to him just listening to his breaths. The room was silent. Dead silent. And everything was still. A piercing nothingness was hanging in the air. I sighed. Dan just please wake up, I thought to myself.

I sat there for hours just watching Dan's videos over and over again, as if he was talking to me. I needed to hear his voice again. And not just from my laptop. I cried myself to sleep still clutching the laptop. Dan please wake up, I want you home.

I woke up to a nurse coming through the door holding a clipboard. She was noting stuff down about Dan. I pretended like I was still asleep so she would leave sooner. She left. I sat upright and stared at Dan. He looked so weak and little. His skin was pale and all his veins were clearly shown. There were two monitors on either side of his bed, one displaying his breathing and one showing his heartbeat. At the moment they were both steady. But slower than an average person.

I got up to get some food in case Dan woke up. Doctor Martins almost saw me but I quickly ran off. I grabbed Dan a "Sunday Special" tray and carefully took it back up to his room. When I opened the door I was greeted by a new nurse who I hadn't seen before.
"Philip!"...Philip. Such an ugly name...
"I'm your councilwoman. I didn't see you yesterday in the session I assumed you would be in here." She said.
I nodded as I placed the tray on the bedside table. She carried in talking.
"Well I'm guessing that you forgot yesterday so I've come to tell you today that there is a session at 2:00 in room 11G. I will see you there okay."
I didn't make eye contact I just waited for her to leave. There was an awkward silence so she took the opportunity to go. I didn't need sessions. I have my own way. A great way that is working.

I ended up going. I went to the session thanks to doctor Martins. Doctor Martins came into Dan's room to collect me. He took me into the session. The lady introduced me to everyone else. They all seemed okay. But I refused to talk. I sat there in silence only occasionally nodding or shaking my head. Doctor Martins made it clear that I needed to see him after the session. Gawwwwdd he's so annoying. No help at all. I hate him. He helped me once before with Dan but he's not helping again.

The session went slowly. I connected to loads of people and felt so sorry for others. I found out what everyone's "problem" was but when it came to sharing mine I just refused. The lady understood she told me to share next time instead. Yeah right, I'm never setting foot in there again. After I've seen Dan I will just go home before the session. Easy.

I had to see doctor Martins. He took me into his office again and shut the door.
"Phil." He began calmly. "Answer me honestly, are you taking your pills?"
I shook my head. He typed something into the computer. He didn't need to know about me.
"You need to take your pills. You are a grown man, I guess you can understand what will happen otherwise."
Yes being permanently mental and have to be put in hospital full time.
"Please Phil. Do me a favour and at least take one a day."
I nodded even though I knew it wasn't true. I just wanted to get out as soon as possible. He let me out, trusting that I would keep my word.

I wouldn't.

Authors Note: Hiiii!!! Ugh these last couple of chapters have been boring as hell. I'm not proud of these at all I'm just publishing so you will have something to read. I think the story started off too quickly and is now going too slowly. I just need to write another couple of chapters then drama again. (Thank goodness) This chapter is SO cringe ;( I'm sad now because I really wanted this to be a good dramatic chapter... But it's not.. It's rubbish! Oh well!!! *sighhhh* :|
Also I'm sorry these last few chapters have been short, I am having a huge writers block and I'm not feeling well :(
Please inspire me to write more in the comments. Thanks! Also Phil's side is almost done!!! We just need jeans to make it complete. Ok that's enough of this note. Ok byeeeeee. See you later!!!