All My Fault (a Dan and Phil fan fiction)

Chapter Twenty: Twenty Poems

Authors Note: Hiiii!!! Quick note, this chapter is just dedicated to Phil's poems no talking or anything
(the chapter is called "The Poems") Okay Byeee!!! See you later!!!

Poem 2 Here's to the night
By Phil Lester
Here's to the night I stood alone.
To the night I cried so hard I couldn't breathe,
To the night I prayed for him to come back to me,
To the night I shut him away,
To the night he cut himself with a blade
And of course the night
When he left me.

Poem 3 Mute
By Phil Lester
I told them I was tired
But in fact, I am depressed
I told them I'd be fine tomorrow
But I know tomorrow will just be like the rest
I told them lies everyday
And I know I'll not be able to stop myself
Not without some help
Not without my pal
My pal called mute

Poem 4 Depression Is...
By Phil Lester
Depression is a war
A battle against yourself
Every thought is a bullet
Every movement is a punch
Every word is a stab in the heart
Depression is a thief
It steals everything you once had
Everything left behind is the things you keep trapped
Depression is a murder
It killed the man I used to be
I look in the mirror
And I see this thing
Depression is a zombie
You're alive but you're dead
You are unaware of what is happening
You are the walking dead
Depression is a nightmare
You wake up in a hell
You are afraid of living
Everything seems impossible to bear
Depression is an ocean
A sea of emotions
You're drowning everyday
However you're never saved
Depression is a bottomless pit
Never ending pain
Never ending struggles
There is no light
There is no escape
Depression is a war
You either win
Or you die trying
And I'm afraid of losing

Poem 5 I believe my thoughts
By Phil Lester
Too many scars
Too many burns
Been through the wars
Had to face it all
It's breaking this wall
Of protection
It kills me on the inside
All leaves a mark
Left alone in the dark
No torch
No light
No help
all I get is the
The pain
The suffer
The fury
The misery
Not just on the outside but on my heart
Pushed down once or twice
Too much it breaks
Feel sick
Dizzy
Because of the wait
Am I too late
What will it do to me
Is this abuse
Why can't it just take me away
I question myself
Too many times
Is it me
Or it
Is what it's saying true
I don't know, only they do
Do I deserve this
Am I worth this
I'm pushed beyond my limits
Doing what i don't want to do
Why does it hurt
Why is there pain
Why do I cower with fear
Let it treat me this way
Can't it see enough of my life
The backstory
The times
Doesn't it know too much already
Doesn't it get it
Doesn't it understand
Why won't it leave
I've been through enough
Had it all
Up to here
If you only live once
Then why do I fear
Of the thoughts that are near
If words won't hurt me
Why does its?
They don't
They can't
The shouldn't
They mustn't
But
I believe it
That's my mistake
The biggest one of them all
I believe my thoughts

Poem 6 I don't know how
By Phil Lester
I don't know how to tell you I'm broken without feeling needy
I don't know how to open up
without feeling judged
I don't know how to cry
when my tears feel like acid
I just need you too see that I'm hurting
without me telling you
because my words are bleeding out of my mouth, waiting for you to stitch me up and make me fine although I know that is not your job and you are better off without me
I just a need you to see me
One last time
Before I break.

Poem 7 The monsters
By Phil Lester
How am I meant to hide
When the monsters are under the bed
How am I meant to live
When the monsters have taken bear
How am I meant to listen
When the monsters have caused depression
How am I meant to survive
When the monsters have my heart
How am I meant to breathe
When the monsters took my air
How am I meant to cope
When the monsters have my love
How am I meant to eat
When the monsters beat me
How am I meant to sleep
When the monsters are next to me
How am I meant to try
When the monsters have stolen my life
How am I meant to do anything
When the monsters are inside of me
When the monsters live with me
When the monsters take over me
When the monsters control me
When the monsters possess me to the point where I can't do anything anymore because of them!
Because of the monsters.