All My Fault (a Dan and Phil fan fiction)

Chapter Twenty Three: The Fight

Phil's POV

Sometimes, someone hurts you so bad, it stops hurting completely. And even though there is no pain, you feel something. You feel empty. And even though you feel empty, your head is filled with thoughts. Deep thoughts.
That's what depression feels like.

I walked into Dan's room. He was the same. I pressed my fingers to his neck and a pulse still flowed. Even if he was asleep, I knew he was getting better. He was much better than before. He was still alive, still breathing and still fine. I took out my phone and placed it next to his bed. I clicked on his first ever video.
'Hi, so my name is Dan, nice to meet you.' The younger Dan said. I smiled. Even hearing his old voice was warming. The video continued and I shut my eyes, taking in every single cringe-worthy word. The video finished with Dan holding a slinky in his mouth whilst dancing. I giggled quietly and thought to myself, look how far my angel has come.

About an hour had passed and Dan's videos had been playing. I was no where near finished. A doctor walked in to check on Dan, then he/she scribbled some stuff down onto its clipboard then left. This happened nearly every 20 minutes. I didn't really mind because the doctors never tried to talk to me all except one. Doctor Martins.

Of course, Doctor Martins had to walk in and ruin everything. He came in and first just wrote stuff down then he paused my video and said hello.
"Phil." He began in a somewhat serious tone, "I'm guessing no one has told you what is going to happen to Dan."
I froze. What. Dan, what's happening to Dan? Is it a blood test? A breathing test? "By the look on your face I can tell you have not been told. Well, erm, me and my colleges would like to put Dan forward for an, an operation, if that's alright with you?" He said. An operation. An operation on what? Lungs? Liver? Kidney?
Wait...
" It's.. It's an operation on his heart." That's when I lost it. I screamed as loud as I could. I pushed passed Doctor Martins and ran down the corridor, down the stairs and out of the hospital. My muscles were tense, my fists were clenched. So much built-up anger was burning inside of me and I was ready to explode.

Doctor Martins ran out after me, calling for me to stop. But I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop anything. I couldn't stop screaming and shouting, I couldn't stop crying, I couldn't stop my heart from beating, I couldn't stop my anger from flowing out of me, I just couldn't stop. With one touch I would burst.

Doctor Martins grabbed my arm and pulled me to face him. That was the last straw. I used all of my anger and pushed him to the wall, pinning him there and throwing punches as hard as I could. Tears were streaming down my cheeks and hateful words poured out from my lips. I didn't care how much he cried for help or pleaded for me to let him go, I hit him harder. He tried to push me off but the more he struggled the more I punched. I didn't care if it wasn't all his fault, I couldn't help myself. I couldn't stop myself from releasing that anger. The longer it continued, the more anger built. It took about 30 seconds for someone to restrain me but those 30 seconds felt like a lifetime. People had gathered over to Doctor Martins along with doctors and students. The pubic were holding me back as well as a security guard. I felt to lost and weak. Like it was game over. I stopped trying to attack and gave into fate. I was a helpless human being with stupid disorders and anger issues whilst my best friend is trapped up in a hospital room in a coma all thanks to me.

Doctor Martins had a black eye and a bleeding nose. I was taken into a room in the back whilst he was taken to get cleaned up. A doctor sat me down on a chair with a security guard at my side. There was very little conversation between us. He let me go.

Doctor Martins had choice if he pressed charges of not. He didn't. But there was a condition. I wasn't allowed to see Dan again.