This one is based off on the song "Afraid" by The Neighbourhood. Enjoy ^^
All my friends always lie to me
I know they're thinking
You're too mean, I don't like you, fuck you anyway
You make me wanna scream at the top of my lungs
It hurts but I won't fight you
You suck anyway
You make me wanna die
There are times when I don't feel accepted. No matter how much Phil tells me he loves me. No matter how much Louise, Chris, and PJ tell me that they are my friends, always here for me. Sometimes I don't believe it, the voices in my head, they tell me that I am nothing. That the things my friends think about me, aren't what they say.
I sometimes become mean when the voices talk to me in the negative way, and I can't combat it. I'm afraid that my friends can't take it. That I'm too cruel.
Maybe they don't like me. Maybe they just humor me, maybe they make fun of me behind my back. Of course they do, you idiot. No one likes you. I tell the voice to leave me alone.
That I frustrate them with my constant hallucinations, my neediness because of them. They want to scream at me to stop, to just stop seeing the things I do. That they want to quit being my friends. That Phil wants to leave me, alone. But he feels like he can't.
The worst, thing, though, is when I'm told that I make Phil's living a complete hell. That even death would be better than dealing with me. That's when it gets unbearable. When I cry, when I scream, because I want to block out the voices.
When I wake up I'm afraid, somebody else might take my place
When I wake up I'm afraid, somebody else might end up being me
Sometimes when I go to bed, and Phil comforts me and helps me fall asleep, I'm afraid that when I wake up, he'll be gone. That he'll find someone to love, to care for, and that person won't be me. That my place as Phil's best friend and boyfriend will be gone.
Out of everything, that is my worse fear. Even worse than the thought of Phil hating life with me.
Keep on dreaming, don't stop giving, fight those demons
Sell your soul, not your whole self
If they see you when you're sleeping, make them leave it
And I can't even see if it's all there anymore so
I fight it the best I possibly can. I try to combat the cruel voices I hear with Phil's voice. When I see things that can't possibly be real, I try to convince myself, but it's so hard. It all just looks so real, it's almost impossible to tell the difference.
I can't tell the difference between reality the world my brain creates. The things I sometimes see. I can't tell if anything I see is real.
Being me can only mean
Feeling scared to breathe
If you leave me then I'll be afraid of everything
That makes me anxious, gives me patience, calms me down
Lets me face this, let me sleep, and when I wake up
Let me breathe
Being me, being Daniel Howell, is a terrifying thing. I am sometimes afraid to wake up. I'm afraid I'll wake up alone. I'm afraid of what I may see that day.
If Phil ever left me, I would never be able to face life.
The fears I have would consume me without Phil to chase away the dark.
But knowing that I have Phil there to help me, to chase away everything I hear and see, it makes me anxious that he may get fed up. It calms me, that Phil will always be here for me, because I know that he won't leave, but it's sometimes hard to believe. It's usually hard to believe. Having Phil here gives me the courage to face this illness, this schizophrenia.
He allows me to be able to fall asleep at night, when I am at my worst.
He allows me to feel okay when I wake up. That I can breathe, and that maybe everything I see is real.
When I wake up I'm afraid, somebody else might take my place
When I wake up I'm afraid, somebody else might end up being me
Phil, don't ever leave me.
Phil, don't ever replace me.
Phil, don't let someone else be your Dan.
Your best friend.
Your boyfriend.
And I promise, that as long as you live, I won't replace you, either.
Give me the strength to face this.
Let me know, that I don't have to be afraid.
YOU ARE READING
Phan One-shots
FanficYeah, there are loads of them, but I wanted to write some because they are just so adorable! I'm think that all of them, or the majority at least, are going to be based off of songs! Enjoy!
