Coming Out Stories

Story 3

Since I can ever remember my first thought I was just the happiest of boys. My fellow boy cousins and I just had the best of times together. Then one day I remember discovering a serious problem. I was not actually a boy at all. I was being referred to as a girl. I was biologically a girl. I always wondered why I had to dress different but as a kid you never really think much of anything, as long as you can play you're happy. I was always a smart kid and was always very in tune with emotions and reading others. I shortly realized that I was different. I didn't want my parents to feel bad or weird about me so I just stayed a "tom boy" and carried on with life. My whole life I knew I was a boy, trapped inside the wrong body. There was no good way to explain it and I felt crazy. When I looked in the mirror it was like an out of body experience. "Who is this?" I would say. The best part of the day was nighttime. Where I could dream. In my dreams I was always male and very happy. Now, don't get me wrong, I was happy. I have the best family and friends a guy could ask for. I just wasn't happy with myself. But I figured, who the heck would believe me. I must be crazy. My family and i moved down the street into a bigger house and I was told there was a little girl across the street. I was really excited to meet her. I thought maybe she would be cute and like me too. I was now 7 years old. I finally got to meet the girl across the street. What I got out of that was better than I could have ever imagined. After we introduced each other she said she would show me all her Elvis stuff upstairs (I was a big fan myself). When we got upstairs she sat on the floor and said, "I am actually a boy, not a girl, but don't tell anyone". I felt overwhelmed with happiness. I said "Me, too." Now how in the heck the universe set this up for me I will never know. But life was very good from there on out because I had someone to share this "disease" with. We talked all the time about how this was so strange and one day we could dream so hard we will go back into our right bodies. We would laugh and talk just like normal boys would about girls, outdoors, music and movies. We are still friends to this day. As I got older things got harder though. I was changing physically and I was so upset. I would bind myself and sleep with 8 sports bras on to keep "them" from growing. It was upsetting to not be on the boys teams for sports. I was very athletic. I was always nervous about how I looked because I didn't want to look to different that I may upset my family but I also didn't want to be miserable. I had a lot of friends and a very close family but I still had not told anyone else except my first friend about how I was feeling. Finally, in my freshmen year of high school I was watching TV and I saw somebody talking on a talk show and I heard the word for the first time, "transgender". I just about died. You mean, there are more of us out there? This problem has a name? People can get sex changes? My whole world was spinning. I finally was able to tell my parents and my brother my Junior year of high school. I think they sort of already knew somehow. It was upsetting but I am so glad I did it. My whole life changed after that. My parents didn't know anything about it but we all worked together to find answers. I think at first my parents thought I could get therapy to make me feel like a girl but they shortly realized that I would have been miserable and that wouldn't have been right. Soon I told the whole family and my friends in the next year. I had a lot of work ahead of me. I started going to a place called Howard Brown downtown. They basically helped me do everything and anything. I went through counseling, and therapy, and group support. I met so many great people and heard so many sad stories about how bad most people in my situation had it. Families disowned them, they were on the streets, they were abused. I felt guilty having my family and friends supporting me. I helped out as much as I could with all my other peers there. I had to pick a time to start hormones and change my name. So on my 21st birthday I finally received my first testosterone injection. I was on cloud nine. I was already dating the love of my life and we were so happy. She was so supportive. When she started liking me it was hard because she was straight, and I still looked like a girl. But, she said she had never met someone with such a great, kind, caring personality as mine. We had been friends for a long time and she had feelings for me all the time but couldn't explain it. When I finally let her know "about me" she was so relieved and thought it made perfect sense. All my friends would tell me the same story after I came out to them, "Anytime I talked to you, wrote letters, chat online, had conversations, I always pictured you in my head as male but didn't know how to explain it". Everything kept getting better after the testosterone. I changed in all sorts of ways and I was glowing with happiness. I wish I would have done this as a kid. I wish I had the courage early in life. Things would have been very different. I changed my name, driver's license, and eventually was able to change my birth certificate, after Illinois laws changed. At the age of 22 I saved up enough money to go to San Fransisco and have my breasts removed. The surgeon and hospital there was so unbelievably amazing. I finished my bachelor's degree in biology, went to medical school, got married and became a doctor all in the next 5 years. I have been able to help many people in my situation along the way. I look forward to helping others as years go on. I would never wish this on anyone. No one ASKS to be different. We struggle with it and fight with ourselves but you can't fight yourself. You are who you are. No one can explain the way you think and feel, and no one can feel the exact same as you. My wife and I are soon going to be looking into having our own children very soon. If I wouldn't have come out I would never be who I am am now today. A son, brother, husband, son-in-law, brother-in-law, uncle, Godfather, nephew, grandson, and doctor. I think I would be in a very different situation, and probably alone. None of the things I did were easy. They all came with difficulties, risks, and some embarrassment. I never take for granted the little things that most people do. It doesn't take much to make me happy. A simple "thank you sir" puts a big smile on my face. I couldn't have done so well without the support, love, and strength from my family and friends.

It is like a giant boulder was lifted off my back. I walked with my head up and finally opened my eyes to the world instead of hiding from it. I am now a part of this world instead of a bystander. I am proud of all the things I have gone through. It was a hard fight but the struggle was worth it. There was nothing harder than living so many years of my life as someone I wasn't. And now, I am me.