Coming Out Stories

Story 23

I grew up mostly in small country towns of Australia where being homophobic was considered to be the "norm". Not wanting to be different from everyone else I adapted to this culture but at the cost of losing my sense of self. I experienced anxiety all through my pre-teen and teen years, not connecting the dots and seeing that the cause of the anxiety was the fact that I was gay. It wasn't until I was in my early 20's that the realisation started to set in and the harrasment from co-workers and locals started to begin. This was when I took a step backwards and denied to everyone including myself that I was gay. Looking back this when I should've started looking for help but I was to scared to face it. I then started to isolate myself from anyone who questioned my sexuality and before long I had pretty much no one left in my life. This was when I turned to alcohol/drugs to deal with the crushing anxiety I was dealing with. These activities and the denial eventually led to a very depressive state of mind, as I felt like I would never escape the constant anxiousness. This was the point in time I realised that the only thing that was holding me back from having a happy and enjoyable life was myself. I quit my my job sold everything I owned and left the town which up until then was the only world I knew. I was lucky enough to have enough funds to bum around and slowly work out my true sexuality without any external interference. Once I could finally admit to myself that I was gay it only took a few months to build up the courage to tell others. I started by telling my mother and brother at the same time by just blurting out "I'm gay" as soon as I saw them which hardly seemed to shock but they still supported me as I broke down. I told my very "Aussie bloke" father later the same day who surprisingly said "I've got bigger things in my life then to worry about that mate" and hugged me.

I no longer suffer depression/anxiety and I feel like it's brought my family closer together. I'm slowly becoming in touch with myself again, but I am still dealing with internalised homophobia. But with counselling and reaching out to other gay people I can see this will not be a drama for ever.