Coming Out Stories

Story 16

I was around 17 when I decided it was time to tell my family that I am gay, but it wasn't an easy decision to make. I'm not the only gay in my extended family, I have a very close cousin who went through a really rough patch when his family found out he's gay, so that put me off big time, thinking that perhaps my family would react the same way, so I took things more slowly and carefully. The first one to know was my sister, I told her on New Year's Eve. She was expecting it and encouraged me to tell my parents as she thought it wasn't much of a big deal because my parents would eventually embrace it. I didn't build the courage to tell them until weeks later. I was studying abroad and decided to tell my mum first - it was a video call so it was easier than doing it face to face. At first, she thought I was joking (I've always been known for being a bit of a joker with my family) but it all sank in when I burst into tears and asked her not to tell my dad. For some reason I thought my dad would be less understanding of the situation, but I was also naïve to think my mum wouldn't tell my dad. She did it immediately. I hung up and a few minutes later it was my dad on the phone. He asked if something was wrong or if something had happened to me, I just said I didn't want to talk about it anymore and then, they both told me they love me no matter what, which really helped at the time. I also had a bunch of friends who were very supportive and really looked up to me for having had the courage to come out. Months later I was homebound and saw my parents for the first time since I'd come out. I was 18 and my dad would ask me every so often if I was okay, if anyone had been bothering me in college or anything. He couldn't quite understand how it was that I was gay almost 'overnight' and thought that maybe someone 'made me gay'. Regardless of the fact that he probably didn't or doesn't like the fact that I'm gay, he still loves me and treats me the same way he's always done.

I'm now 24 and my relationship with my parents is great - both my mum and dad are very open about it, sometimes a bit too open but I wouldn't have it any other way. I have gradually told other members of my extended family that I'm gay, not that it's really relevant for them or anyone, but over time I've realised that you can never be yourself until everybody knows who you are. Maybe not everyone will be as understanding and accepting but the support of others is everything in such situations.