Dear Diary

Life?

Dear Diary
What exactly does the word life mean? Does it mean happiness cause to me... It actually doesn't. Does it mean peace? No. What is left then? Love? Laughter? Friends? If yes then... Where? I can't even find these things... All your parents tell you that life is beautiful... Like flowers. But you know what? I had no parents to teach me that... And i hate flowers! Seems like my flower isn't that bright and beautiful. Some people say they put on a 'mask' to hide their true selves. But i put on a 'mask' cause I don't even know who i am... What's my purpose? Letting the others walk on me, push me, make me fall? Sorry... My mind was all fired up from these thoughts. I didn't even present myself... Well I'm not really used to do that... I, sometimes forget who i am... If i really am? Do i exist? Why? And back again here i am with the question:
What the fuck is life? What is life supposed to mean? Why people love their lives? There's nothing to love about... You just live and then you die! And BOOM the flower dies. Beauty? It doesn't even last long, not long enough for some. To me it should have ended, maybe it shouldn't have even started... I remember in a very very long time... Far far away from now. I was happy, no, not really happy. It was an illusion. Pff never mind. I mean i should go back and present who i am. I forget about this stupid thing. Now, I'm Heyden, i might be 15 or something, i never celebrate my birthday. I love black ( color ) and rock, metal, hard rock music. I am not that regular nerd. I don't wear glasses or brackets like all of you might think. Actually i am tall, and really thin. I have a white skin, blue eyes and brown weird hair ( sometimes i think why is the reason of getting bullied when i actually have the same 'standards' of the other girls, where's the difference? )... That doesn't matter now. I'll try to write about my life tomorrow more... I just want to sleep or they will come and beat me. Punch me. But they won't kill me... How stupid...

Heyden Renee B.