Dear Diary

A Story... My Story

Dear Diary
I'm going straight to the point... Presenting me? Telling my life? Yeah! My short and also long boring life.
So it all started when i was born at November, i think. That's when actually my mother died giving birth to me... I never had a chance to meet her... I know what you're thinking... My dad would have told me with passion about her! Nope!! I don't even know who my dad is... In fact i grew up at an orphanage, and some people adopted me in fact. They're just people to me and I can't call them my parents. Not by the way they treated me... I almost died from anorexia when i was like 11 or 12 because te door of my room was always locked up and i could only go outside in the morning when i could go to school and at afternoon to eat something, take some water and go to the bathroom. Twice a week i was allowed to make a shower. If i forgot a thing and i would have to go out of my room, which usually didn't... They always used to beat me about that. That's why i still got some bruises but long sleeves can hide them perfectly. I wasn't allowed to have a computer, i only had a phone but now it doesn't work anymore, now i have an ipod and some headphones the orphanage gave me for my birthday or something... I deserve listening to some music too. Right?
Never mind with this part where i talk about the people trying to raise me as an educated child. Let's go to the school part. Since I wasn't allowed to go out of my room i used to loose the contact with every friend i had. I didn't have much though. Than i was considered as the weird girl in school. Always strict with the time, and since i had lots of time inside my room i tried to pass the time by doing homework and it became a routine to me. I knew everything without wanting to and that caused lots of hate in my class.
But when the exams were near i always was the angel to everybody. I couldn't say no... Why? Cause my naive self thought that if I helped them i would become their friend. Maybe i could open to them.
Once i told one of my friends... One of the girls that i stayed locked in my room all day and she was recording my voice... She did throw the video on YouTube and all the school saw that. Naive... So naive... And that's why I wanted a diary... I think. It was the time to write everything i thought cause saying that to the walls and hearing the walls sending back the words to me really didn't help.
So to say the truth i am completely alone in this fucked up world. I have nobody and I don't know how I should feel about it. Maybe I'm doing something wrong? I had no real people to teach me... And tell me who i am... How should i be... Give me some answers that I can't find on my own. Maybe i need somebody to open up with. But even if i had the people taking care of me wouldn't let me do anything. Sometimes i even forget their names... I haven't talked to them for weeks except the 'Good morning' and the 'Hey I'm home!' that means 'I'm back lock me up into my room like you always do' and that's what the actually do... That's all they do...

Heyden Renee B.