Abnormal (Phan AU)

Chapter 3

*Dan's POV*

(I'm not going to be putting pov's in front anymore, the rest of the story is in Dan's point of view)

It was the second day of school. I took my lunch and sat at the table I had yesterday by myself. In my previous school I had always eaten in the bathroom, I wasn't able to handle all the judgmental stares in the cafeteria and there were no open spots for me to sit alone. The only reason I actually ate in the cafeteria now was because I wanted to claim a table for myself, last year I made the mistake of not showing up to the cafeteria on the first day and let me tell you having to eat in the bathroom everyday was not fun at all. I was fucking tired of having my food drop all over the place, I wanted to be able to eat properly for once.

Everyone seemed more chill in the high school, no one even cared that I sat by myself. Everyone was invested in their own problems and didn't give a fuck about me. I haven't been bothered at all since school started. Not yet that is, once people adjusted to going to school the bullying was going to start again for sure. Yet I had the feeling I was going to be left alone at the lunch table, no one seemed to acknowledge my existence here which was a good thing.

From the corner of my eye I saw the kid whom I had bumped into in the hallway the other day. He was looking at me, he seemed embarrassed to have been caught staring so I just gave him a quick smile because I felt bad. That was strange though, I never felt the urge to smile at anyone.

I noticed he was sitting alone which surprised me. I would expect someone as bright and positive as him to be the life of a huge cluster of people, but there he was all by himself. The boy looked pretty uncomfortable and shy though, the way he was sitting and his body language made it obvious he unconfident. When he saw me smile at him though, he returned it. Not like the little shy closed mouth one I had given, but one where his whole face wrinkled and his teeth were visible. It made me glow on the inside, I couldn't even remember the last time someone had given me a smile like that one. For goodness sake why was I even paying so much attention to this boy anyway? I tried to get rid of these thoughts but the warm feeling still remained.

Thankfully the boy didn't make a move to sit next to me because I really wasn't in the mood for socializing today, or ever.

___

"Hey do you know where the art room is?"

I turned around and saw the boy, yet again.

"Why are you asking me? I'm just a freshman like you."

I had probably come across as rude, because I saw his eyes looked hurt. Feeling bad I immediately stuttered out afterward, "W-well I know where it is though I got a map. Here I'll show you."

Why did I offer the boy my help, why had I even felt bad? So many questions rushed through my head, my mind was a confused and muddled mess but I tried my best to push all the thoughts back. The boy started staring at me, because normal people don't just stand there and stare into the ground deep in thought after they've offered to help them.

The boy followed me as I walked and neither of us talked. I felt so awkward it was painful. For me at least, I'm pretty sure normal people knew how to act in social interactions. I had no idea what to do. Should I ask him how his day was, start a conversation on a random topic, or just keep my mouth shut?

"What's your name?" I suddenly splurted, the question randomly bursting out. I didn't know why I hadn't put any thought into it, but I can see why it had come out of my mouth without me putting some thought into it. I couldn't take this silence anymore, I did like silence but not this awkward and tense one. Anyway, I was tired of referring him as "the boy" I was curious.

"Phil," the boy answered cheerfully. "What about you?"

"Daniel, but call me Dan."

I was laughing at myself internally, why had I told him to call me Dan. We weren't going to be talking in the future.

"I can't believe you're a freshman, you look mature for your age," Phil remarked.

I had never really thought of that before, but I wasn't surprised by what he said. Maybe thinking about what happens after death instead of stupid things most people my age were concerned about and dealing with being a werewolf did take a toll on my physical appearance. That seemed unlikely but whatever.

"I guess," I said not wanting to leave Phil hanging.

We walked the rest of the way in silence, and a minute or two later we reached the art room. Then I remembered I had art too. Oh shit, he probably was going to want to sit next to me.

I was pretty crap at art, but I did enjoy the class so I took it anyway. It was very peaceful, I always sat in a corner by myself. Instead of dwelling on what was on my mind and the voices inside it, I focused on getting that brushstroke right or drawing the correct shading. When I focused on my artwork, my mind went empty and most of my attention went on what I was working on. If Phil sat next to me my peace would be disturbed.

"We're here," I notified him.

"Oh, are you in this class too?" he asked.

"Yea I am."

We walked into the room together and the teacher greeted us. I sat down and surprise, Phil sat next to me. He seemed shy about it, but he didn't really have another option anyway as most of the seats in the class were already filled.

We didn't really talk much. In fact I think we uttered a total of two words to each other the entire class. I was right about the fact that Phil was going to disturb my peace, he did. The awkwardness was hard to ignore on my half, and I couldn't ignore the fear that somehow I was going to do something stupid around him. When I was under his presence, I actually had to think about my actions. Well I didn't really, but for some reason I cared. I cared about what Phil thought of me. That was concerning because I usually never cared. I left these things to think about when I got home though, I really didn't want to think about this now.

For some reason I liked Phil, but hated him at the same time. I didn't like that I was actually compelled to present myself as a decent human being around him. I hated being with him because I didn't know how to interact with him and felt awkward, but I liked having him next to me at the same time. I loved that he was filled with positivity, and I loved the fact that he had such a bright presence. I liked that even though he was bright and cheerful, he seemed doubtful of himself at the same time which I thought made him look even more cute. I also enjoyed looking at his face, Phil himself had a very nice face. It probably wasn't a normal thing to enjoy, but I was going to leave that for thinking about later along with other things.

Phil was also one of the first people in a long time that have smiled at me without it just being out of politeness. In the lunch room he could've just nodded, or said hello, or just given a little smile like I did on rare occurrences, but no. He gave me a smile full of life, even with his tongue poking out which made it ten times more adorable.

The fact that he had given me that smile made me happy and warm on the inside, which was such a rare thing for me.

You monster you don't deserve to be happy.

Of course who was I to think that this happiness was going to last. These voices inside my head were here to prohibit that.

Stop being so stupid Howell. You know that boy just gave you that smile out of common courtesy, who are you to think that you're special.

I went back to how I was feeling before, cold and empty as usually. The voice was always right, I would never be special. I was always just always going to be a push off, a waste of space.

That's right, and don't you dare go a second thinking you can be friends with this boy. Freaks like you can't have friends.

Yes, I needed this reminder. I needed to stay away from Phil.