Diabolik Alchemist (Diabolik Lovers/Fullmetal Alchemist Crossover AU)

Chapter 1

Edward Elric

I woke up surrounded by a garden of white roses. My automail creaked as I sat up. A headache bloomed in my temples and I grabbed my head, groaning.

"Where am I?" I asked the deserted garden. I shook my head. Talking to yourself won't—

"Somewhere you shouldn't be~," a promiscuous voice chuckled from seemingly nowhere, startling me. Out of habit, I immediately clapped my hands together and transmuted my automail arm-plating into a sword.

"Show yourself!" I ordered, my eyes scanning the garden for movement.

"You're a feisty one, Little Bitch~," the voice whispered in my ear.

"Who're you calling little?!" I swung my sword towards the voice's timbre.

A young man with a mole on his chin and a fedora dodged my attack. He was taller than me and had glowing green eyes and shoulder-length auburn hair. A provocative half-smirk was plastered on his handsome face. "It seems I've touched a nerve," he feigned a look of concern. "Want me to kiss it, make it better~?" He whispered, seductively, in my ear, making my eyes widen because I hadn't registered seeing him move. He licked the shell of my earlobe, snapping me out of my reverie and into action.

Using my left arm, I elbowed him in the stomach, making him fall a few steps back, giving me enough room to sweep his legs out from under him. I pinned him down, sitting on his chest, and grabbing both of his wrists with my left hand, bringing my blade to his throat.

"I rather like this position," he smirked up at me, pressing his throat against my weapon. "However, I'd like it more," his hat fell off as he somehow rolled us over, "if our situations were reversed."

Miraculously, I was now in the same position he was seconds ago, minus the sword. My eyes narrowed on him. "How did you—"

"Raito, please refrain from acting like that with someone you have just met, especially outside, where anyone could see you," a lanky, dark-haired, gentlemanly, young man with cat-like wine-red eyes and glasses interrupted. I must have seen him before. He reminded me of the Führer's butler Reinhart, but he was much younger. Perhaps he and Rein were related somehow... They definitely dressed alike.

"Damn, Reiji, you're such a hypocr—" Raito broke off into a girly shriek as I kneed him in the balls... with my automail leg. He threw himself off of me, collapsing in front of a large fountain, and holding his bleeding crotch whilst gasping.

"Finally, someone got the pervert," another man came out from behind one of the rose bushes. He was an albino with bright red eyes and white hair. His long bangs covered his right eye and he wore a black necklace with a gold key hanging from it and a matching bracelet. He smirked when Raito groaned.

I shot up into a defensive position, "Honestly, where the fuck do you guys keep coming from?"

"Behind you~," another one sang in my ear; before, ducking to dodge my sword. This one was blonde with heterochromatic eyes. His right eye was red and covered by his bangs; while, his left was ice blue.

Reiji went over to examine the distressed pervert, removing Raito's hand from his bleeding manhood. "Hmph... Interesting, I've never heard of a vampire receiving a ruptured superficial dorsal vein."

His medical knowledge made me pause. Rein also had extensive medical knowledge, so much so that he could diagnose any injury or ailment with just a quick glance.

"Fu... ck... yo... u," Raito whimpered.

"Could someone just fucking tell me where the hell I am?!" I yelled.