You're My Devotion (Hariana Fanfiction)

Chapter 20- Fear and Loathing

Chapter 20

Ariana

I'm happy. I mean, I could be happier... But Its not the worst of My Days. My dedication, everything just seems to have paid off. My album is finally put together and I'm about to release my music video. Things are near to perfect, don't get me wrong; after having to run away from One Direction I struggled, I had a lot on my plate but I guess that's what happens to people like me. All that I really thought about now was my family and fans. Harry? Zayn?

They distracted me most of the time, even took me to border limits on my feelings.

Somehow, in this crazed world I had come to conclusion with who I had become. I wasn't the red headed bombshell that went on tour with the five boys of One Direction. I was the brunette petite girl whose dreams were pursued. And after realizing this; I learnt to appreciate what my fans gave me. They gave me light, hope, support, happiness and especially my career.

So now, who was I to be upset about what I don't have instead of smiling about what I do have?

"Ariana what are you doing today" asked my mother. "I was thinking about doing a twitcam, excite a bit of my fans" I smiled back at her. I had been twitcamming for days now. She seemed worried with my choice, but I was only trying to overjoy the fans. I wasn't in some fricken mental asylum. "Darling... Shouldn't you go out? Elizabeth has been calling you for days!" Mum choked while rubbing her throat in worry. "Mum it's okay. Look, I'm fine. I want my fans to be happy that's all"

And with that she shook her head and left. "Love you" I muttered after her unsure if she even heard me. I continued on opening my twitcam, informing my 7million followers on twitter about the chat. Suddenly my mentions were blowing up with questions. My cheeks burnt at the excitement my arianators shared when I was online. "Wow you guys are so overwhelming! Ugh you all know how awkward I am with these so uh I'll just answer questions? Oh and follow you guys obviously" I giggled while slapping my forehead.

@powerpuffari: you haven't been seen with zayn what happened :(

@grandeelicious_: WHERE'S ZAYN ARI

@grandekissesxoxo: did you break up with zayn :(

My eyes grew large at the phenomenal number of questions about One Direction and I realized that it was time to tell my fans the truth. "So I don't know if you guys realized but... Me and zayn aren't together anymore"

The mentions started to go crazy, I bit my lip in response afraid of what my arianators thought.

*ding ding* my phone started beeping as I jumped at the sudden outburst.

Zayn: watching your twitcam. X

What was he trying to do? Was he playing mind games or was this really him trying to light up old sparks?

Whatever it was, he was confusing me. I was as confused as it is anyway. I didn't reply and finished my twitcam, i hadn't heard of One Direction for over 3 weeks, and then this text message, I couldn't let it get to me, I couldn't let myself care about him.

Especially when I swore I was living for my fans.

I rummaged through my bags, suitcases and drawers trying to find my lucky bracelet that had been passed on through generations. With tearful eyes I garbaged the room throwing everything everywhere devoted in finding the bracelet. "WHERE COULD THIS BE?" I shouted over the loud thoughts in my head. "I lost it, I can't believe it I can't-" suddenly I stopped straight In my tracks. I hadn't notice the loss of my emerald green bracelet in about two months and only now I realized it was with One Direction. More likely to say in Liam's duffel bag. Mushed inside the zippered area. How in the hell was I going to walk up to Liam and say hey, Im a b*tch and I need my bracelet.

I was hyperventilating, throwing my arms around everywhere running across the room and back down. Luck never came my way, I feel like the signs don't even point towards me anymore. I tried breathing steadily, thinking of a way I could get my bracelet back. Biting my lip I grabbed my phone and dialed Liz's number. "Ariana. Should I be relieved your finally contacting me or super upset that it took you this long"

I could almost see her rolling her eyes through the phone. "I um I'm so sorry Liz. I know I shouldn't have done that but please try understanding me. I'll explain everything once you get here, so um will you come?" Without breathing I exclaimed, "okay" she replied dryly. "I can feel you smirking Into the phone ariana" Liz said coyly while I blew her a kiss.

An hour had passed and finally the door bell was ringing. I ran to open it and in no time I was embracing Liz in a huge unwanted but heart warming hug. "God okay get off me!" Liz yelled trying to find a way to free herself. "Forgive me?" I pouted still squeezing her. "okay! Okay!" She squeaked while I let go of her, I pulled her towards the room and told her everything from the beginning to the end. Her eyes were wide, face a mixture of shock and confusion. "So do you um love Zayn?" "I... Yes off course" Liz bit her lip placing her hand on mine. "But your not in love with him"

I nodded, a tear escaping from eye. "I mean, I loved him, I loved him so much but then Harry he... He brought out the worst in me and made me feel fearless"

"Are you in love with Harry?" She asked awaiting an answer with worry in her eyes.

Harry pov

The Life you knew tends to change around you and suddenly a new lifestyle commences and ultimately you find yourself trapped between which life you liked better. I seemed to struggle on just that... A life with Ariana or no Ariana? That what kept me thinking for days and days. I found myself loathing other women, I couldn't seem to talk to them without thinking of that one girl. I massaged my temples, slapping my forehead letting throaty tears fall. I threw my glass of whiskey on the ground. "WHY ME?" I yelled through clenched teeth scratching my neck, not realizing my face was red with rage. "Is that Harry styles?" I heard mutters from everywhere. The bar seemed to be spinning around. I abruptly stopped, staring at the now silent room, i walked backward tripping momentarily. Then I turned forward rushing to the back door. Unlocking my sports car I jumped in fisting the cars wheel. I shouted in agony, sweat and tears on my face; I knew I looked horrible. Earth seemed to be twisting and turning around me and I was stuck in this hurricane of feelings and it was overwhelming me. "Why do I feel like this? Why does it hurt so much?" I cursed at the stars. Putting the engine in gear I drove to wherever the road took me. I was on 150 km, this was pretty fast but at this rate I couldn't care about it. Driving with one arm, I took out a cigarette with my other. Taking in the venom seemed to fuse the coil inside of me. My stained tears burnt with the smoke hitting to it. I looked at my hand, I hadn't realized it was bleeding. Not watching the road I eyed my bleeding fist. "Why?" I asked to myself while the wheel seemed to be losing control. I quickly brought my attention to the wheel, fear in my eyes. "TURN, YOU DAMN WHEEL TURN!" I cried while my car got closer to riding off. In that moment of life and death It seemed as if the world stopped spinning for a minute. Everything looked slower, my memories flashed before my eyes...

•third person pov•

Harry's car had a ride off and there he laid in the wrecked sport car upside down. Blood trickled down his forehead and his eyes seemed to flutter every now and then. He was alive but his life was getting pulled away from him with every second. Harry knew he had a lot more to live up to but at this moment he wanted to give up, he was in so much pain. He was dead inside so dying didn't seem much of a problem to him. He thought maybe now, I may find peace. Harry had a troubled past, He wasn't in pain because of this undying love for ariana but also because of his mistakes from the past. Singing somehow allowed him to move on but be couldn't do it anymore, he was way too hurt to try. Then, he pictured Ariana, with him. They were married and in love, and junior Harry was dancing with a happy spirit. They had a kid. Harry smiled at this fantasy, he wanted this. He wanted a family, with Ariana. That's when he realized he didn't want to die; instead he wanted to live and annoy the girl he loved forever, even if it meant Losing everything to show her why it was him that could create a future for her. Even if he had to prove her how much he loved her and how much more he could love her. That's when he got lifted into the ambulance, Harry's heartbeats were faster then before, he clutched onto his life more then he ever had because Harry wanted to live.

Everyone had been called after the car accident, The rest of the boys, Ariana and Harry's mother. When Ariana heard about what happened she couldn't let herself care about who would be there, she had to see Harry. Her tears never seemed to stop, her breathing was pitched the whole ride to the hospital. She asked herself many times "why?"

And just like Harry she cursed at the stars, she didn't know how in love she was with Harry, she would never know how in love she was with him but she couldn't pretend anymore either. As soon as Ariana stepped outside the car she ran through the hospital doors, face pale, hands shaking. "Styles H.. Harry" she muttered not being able to bring herself to speak. She was so agonized after hearing about Harry's sudden accident.

Ariana knew Harry for about five months now but felt like she couldn't live without him at this point.

The four boys of One Direction were there as soon as minutes, all shredding with tears. Paparazzi, news reporters were all camping outside but they couldn't deal with explaining anything to them. Louis shook with fear for his best friend and bandmate, he was the closest to Harry and had taken this the hardest. What would he have done without his right hand?

Ariana's pov

I wiped my tears as I sat on the hospitals floor right near emergency. People were staring at me but I couldn't think about that. My white dress had mopped up all the dirt on the floor. I was as pale as my dress now. Louis, Niall, Liam and Zayn also came holding Harry's mums hand. She seemed devastated. I stood up and went near her as they seated her. "He will be okay Anne" I tried smiling, patting her back. I breathed in and looked at Louis. The last time I had saw him, we had an argument. He watched my tears slip out and grabbed me into a hug. I cried into his chest. "He's going to be okay, we can't let ourselves down like this" Louis put my hair behind my ear. Zayn looked at how upset I look, his eyebrows furrowed and he put his hand on my back, while Liam and Niall also hugged me and we had some kind of group hug. Finally the doctor came out with a stern look at his face. All six of us tried reading his features, "doctor how is he?" Asked Anne. We all listened with hopeful eyes.


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What do you want to see next ?
Comment please xxx
Sorry about the cliffhanger hehehe.
So hariana or Zariana?
This chap is a bit different then others. So enjoy!