You're My Devotion (Hariana Fanfiction)

Chapter 24- Trapped In Darkness

ARIANAS POV

My chest was a fire pit and it ignited at the very sight of him. As I watched him become another's, I felt my heart become a graveyard that was fuelled by darkness. I never thought such pain could exist. Whenever I expressed my pain to others, their only advice was, why don't you just let him in?
It wasn't easy, it isn't easy and nobody understood the pain that dominated me. I wanted Harry, I wanted to wrap my arms around him more then I could imagine. But why would happiness be so easy to attain? It almost seems impossible to acquire such devotion. His last words to me were "You definitely do Ari", the lingering nickname he announced brought butterflies to my belly. Regardless of what he meant, his choice of words guttered me. I was supposed to be happy when he called me by "Ari" but the only feeling I devoured was guilt and utter sadness. I was no longer "Ari" but a mere imitation of the girl. I realised much too late that my bitter response to this heavy feeling towards Harry was only hurting me more...

Two days earlier...

 

"Hey guys" I spoke, smiling to each face in the room. "Welcome back Ari" Niall grinned, walking me to the bunks. "Which bed will be yours, love?" Louis asked politely. "I think I'll just have this one" I answered him, pointing to the bottom left bunk. "Well that's a change" Zayn laughed, referring to my former top bunk. The one he'd always lift me up to. I laughed along, feeling a powerful guilt possess me. Harry and I hadn't spoken a word since the meeting; I had been trying to avoid him. I was still ashamed of the way I felt. Nobody could understand the grief that took over when I hurt Zayn. I was so afraid of what everybody would think that I lost control of who I am. "Your lost in your thoughts again Ariana" Liam stated, rubbing my back for comfort. "Your sure you want to do this right?" he then asked. "Papers are signed right? I have no choice. Plus I'm happy." I lied, while placing my minor baggage on the bunk to mark my territory. "You haven't said a word mate, cat got your tongue?" Niall asked towards Harry. His stern face sufficed as a bold statement. I took a deep breath and walked to the small lounge in the bus. "Love are you okay? You look very pale." Louis worriedly asked me. "I... I'm fine" I replied while tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. "So when we leaving?" I heard Harry ask Zayn, "I cant wait till this tour is over" he then continued. It felt as if my air had been sucked out of my lungs, the budding tears in my eyes burned with the smoke of Zayn's cigarette. He finally hates me, and while I tried so hard for this to happen... all I felt was excruciating pain. Stuck on a bus with the man I love, as he hated me, I forecasted the permanent death of the person I used to be. "I think I'm just going to sleep, I... I need to sleep" I stuttered as I held back my tears and the large lump in my throat. Louis, Liam and Niall nodded at me, signalling a goodnight. As I walked into the room, Harry let out an uncomfortable sigh. "Don't be uncomfortable on my account, this is your tour. I'll try to stay out of your way" I replied. Zayn had walked out by now, aiming to avoid the awkwardness of the three of us in one room. Getting into my bunk, I wrapped myself in the warmness of the blanket and covered my curtains. As I heard Harry walk out of the room, my supressed tears fell free. My heavy chest begged for mercy, clarity. I cried silently, feeling my heart twist with burden. The thought of him hating me, and it becoming a reality was much different. As my eyelids fell heavy, I slipped into a heavy slumber. As I awoke, I heard the birds chirp for the first time. I never thought I could ever hear the sounds of birds singing. I had been banished this sanctuary and now I was given the privilege to be awoken with... light. I had wished that this were a signal for hope that still existed upon my happiness. I got out of my bunk and headed to the kitchen, pouring myself a coffee. As I turned to my left, I saw Harry asleep on the couch. Leaving the mug on the bench, I walked towards him. Sitting beside him, I caressed his hair. Tears forming in my eye, for the very strand of his hair against my touch excited my little heart. "I love you Harry," I whispered while bringing my lips to his, planting a kiss on his tainted mouth. Stroking his cheek, I felt at bliss. "Your very touch brings me happiness Harry. I wish you knew that" I mumbled into his shirt, with my head on his chest. Lifting my head up, I walked back to the bench, grabbing my coffee.