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Chapter 12.

It took us twenty minutes to get to the Brown Stone. We climbed out of the car and did the usual; crossing over the fence, jogging to the hill and letting down that same old rusty brick wall which I never asked Cameron why was it broken and nobody had ever bothered to fix it and replace the whole structure but I guessed that Cameron had left it that way for it's his only, cryptic place as he called it. Then we walked down to the woods. Cypress and acron trees were half bare, half covered and some crows were circling the clouds in the dark, light navy sky. I felt a shiver run down my spine and I wished that I had brought down my jacket instead of leaving with Cameron, wearing my white shirt that was only for work. However, Cameron read my thoughts somehow and took off his jacket, placing it over my shivering shoulders.
'Thank you,' I said to him and he nodded.
I watched him as he sat down on the dried grass which was tinted with a soft green color regardless that we were in the middle of September. I assessed the whole sitting position, wishing that there was a bench or something even a log to sit on but then dropped the whole thing and joined him. I turned to him and he was deep in his thoughts; I could tell that by the frown on his face.
' So,' I came up with after a moment or two of reticence. Cameron turned his gaze to me.
'Do you think I'm a bad person, Vanessa?' He asked so suddenly and I couldn't help my shocked expression.
'No.. I don't think so,' I told him and I meant it. His weakness and fear of hurting me because he only thought that he was proved that there's an actual person inside, but the problem with Cameron was that he had never bothered to show the real him. I remembered blurry details of when he was really tired and started mumbling words he wasn't aware of saying them like he was wasted or something but they were kind. He flirted a lot when he wasn't supposed to and made moves too quickly but it didn't matter to me at that moment because I realized I was falling myself for him and I was still confused because I never knew if he did love me for real or he was just using me for good company. He raised an eyebrow and his charming smirk appeared on his beautiful face. 'You don't think so? Really after what I had said to you back at my apartment and all.. the crap that I've been feeding you?' He asked, quoting what I said to him at three in the morning. Even though it was just earlier today, it really did feel like more.
'Well, that's the way you feel about yourself, Cameron. I never said that I wanted to leave you nor said that you were hurting me. You just made it up for no reason.' I said and watched him frown once more.
'I mean we could've stayed together in our insane, rushed relationship if you didn't end it up days after it began, Cameron. I can't understand you.' I said trying to hold my tears back.
******
I can't understand you; she said to me. But I could. I knew why I ended it and I knew why I did what I did to her. Right now, I could feel her voice going cold and shaky because she was about to cry because of me. Why on earth did I have to be such an idiot? Why the hell did I think that I could stay away from this girl? And why the freaking devil did I let her go?
'Vanessa,'
'It's okay, Cameron. I don't want to talk about it. What's done is done.' She said this and shut my little glimpse of hope. Hope.. that bloody word. You know what they say about it. But I felt like I needed hope. I needed Vanessa. She was my hope and I could damn use someone to make me feel like I've still got a shot to live. Probably those two months might be good if I were to use them right. Perhaps I could try the injections? I had promised Vanessa that I would but I wasn't certain that I was ready. I freakin had my heart stop for seconds before they brought me back and I couldn't guarantee what would happen next if I took the bloody shots again.
'Vanessa, hear me out.' I demanded harshly. She gave me a hard look.
'I mean, hear me out please?' I rephrased.
'What do you want me to hear, Cameron?' She asked.
'If... If I asked you to come with me tomorrow and meet up with Giles to take those fu.. lovely injections, would you come?' I asked her and her eyes lit up. Which made my heart ache for no goddamn reason.
'You're really willing to take them for me?' She asked with a gleam of pleasure.
'Well, it's not completely for you.. I'm doing this for me too,' I told her.
'Oh.'
I'm a moron.
'But mainly, it's for you. Because I promised..' I said to fix the awe look that came to her beautiful green eyes. It felt bizarre to say that I promised because, hell, I never kept one. She tried hiding her smile but she failed. Vanessa curled her fingers around a growing herb and then pulled it up and started messing with the thing between her fingers.
'What time are you going tomorrow?' Vanessa asked.
'Around nine,'
'Uh.. but I have to go to work and-'
'Speaking of freakin which, why the hell are you back to working as a waitress?' I growled and her face flushed with embarrassment.
'I didn't know that I wasn't allowed to work as one. What do you care anyway?'