december 21 2010
the rain was hitting the window softly, as i woke to the soft patter of the morning showers. my bed was lacking warmth, and so i pulled the duvet up to my chin, letting it rest on me. i didn't want to get up today. i dont want to get ready but the thought settled in that i have an important day in front of me. today was the day i had the chance to see phil. he has been the only source of happiness in my life lately.
i think that day he messaged me was the best thing to happen to me. its funny how we started off as strangers, and it just so happens that we stumbled across each other. now i don't believe in fate but i believe this was meant to happen. it was inevitable.
i pulled through the dread of having to deal with another possibly shitty day and got up.
i dressed and went downstairs to prepare myself some coffee. my mind was jumbled with thoughts of phil. what if he stops talking to me once he realizes how obnoxious and useless i am in real life. what if he thinks im a bad friend, or maybe just not a good match with him.
i bit my lip harshly thinking of it, that would be horrible, i hope that doesn't happen. i sighed deeply and washed my cup. the warm water felt good running over my cold skin. it brang a sense of calmness to me, so i pulled through the doubtful thoughts.
i was supposed to meet phil in an hour and the train took forty minutes so i would say im right on time. the thought of finally seeing his face up close made my stomach do flips. id finally be able to see those beautiful eyes in person instead of hours through a screen. id be able to feel his skin and take in his scent.
i smiled contently, i could already feel the happiness radiating through me.
the whole ride there was nerve racking. i would finally meet him after months of talking through skype calls, but id also be risking our friendship with my crap personality. im completely different online and i dont think phil understands that. he keeps reassuring me he'll enjoy being around me but its so difficult for me to understand.
before i had any time to rethink our friendship, i reached my stopped. i took a deep breath in and walked off the platform.
i took a seat at one of the benches and sat quietly. i began to chew on my lips, the thought that i could have possibly been stood up by phil hit me like a bus. it made my hands shake and my lip tremble. i cant believe i sat here like an idiot and actually thought an amazing guy like phil would want to be my friend.
but before i had time to change my mind and go back home, i felt a tap on my shoulder. it was him.
i was shook by his beauty. his eyes were even more gorgeous in person, and i was staring right into them.
i stood up, and wrapped my arms around his neck. i felt his chest rising up and down with mine. this was real he was real. this was happening. i tightened my grip, smiling widely. i could smell his smell at last, it was just as i imagined it would be. it was indescribable.
after what felt like hours we broke our hug. we both had ridiculous grins on our faces.
"whoa i didnt know you had dimples" he beamed, poking a finger into my cheek.
i blushed and reached for phils face, fixing his fringe. "we should go"
he smiled at me and we began walking to his flat. it was fairly close to the train station so it didn't take us long.
when i walked in, i was in awe. it was beautiful. it smelled of pine needles, and the walls were painted a cream color, the lights were dimmed, it looked home-like. there were house plants placed symmetrically throughout the house. the simplicity of it was beautiful. he looked over to me and smiled warmly, he took my bag and brought them upstairs while i stood admiring his home.
he came back down and offered me hot chocolate. i nodded my head, and took a seat in a plump chair sat next to a fireplace. it was cold outside, as it was winter. i smiled and realized how good our timing was to plan this. christmas was in four days, and i was staying for seven. my smile grew bigger, this is going to be the best christmas. i was never able to spend a proper christmas with anyone.
my thoughts were interrupted by phil, who handed me the steaming mug. it smelled amazing.
"i put marshmallows in there with happy faces on them, i know you like it like that" he smiled at me, and took a seat in the same chair across from me. we both sat in silence drinking and enjoying eachothers presence. we made eye contact from time to time, he always just smiled. it was so surreal. i never thought i'd be sitting across from him, drinking hot chocolate. but im so glad its real.
we both finished our drinks, and are now deciding what film to watch. he had only a couple, which were wall-e, ET, or nightmare before christmas. we decided on wall-e, even though it wasn't very seasonal.
"okay so popcorn or doritos?" he raised one eyebrow, holding up a bag of popcorn and a bag of doritos.
"popcorn." he smiled, and threw the bag in the microwave and when it was done, he turned off the lights completely, leaving only the fireplace on and we both sat down on the couch next to eachother.
halfway through the movie i looked over my shoulder and saw phil resting his head against the arm of the couch. i smiled and turned the tv off. i wanted to stay on the couch for a bit and watch phil. i rested my head against the opposite side of the couch and listened. i heard the soft crackling of the dying fire, and phils heavy breaths along with it. it still smelled of pine trees mixed with vanilla. i took a deep breath in, and relished in the scent, it was, to me, phils essence. i wish i could bottle it up and keep it forever to reminisce on.
i turned my head and look at phil, his chest was rising up and down, an empty bag of popcorn stuck to his limp fingers. i reached over for him and moved a stray piece of hair from his eyes. i placed the blanket we had over our shoulders onto his body, he gripped it and pulled it into his chest sighing, "thank you"
i smiled and walked up the stairs, and into the guest bedroom. it looked as if no one had ever used it, the bed spreads still smelled of new clothes and the pillow still had its natural fluff. i paid no mind to it, and stripped my clothes off, leaving only my underwear on.
i was unable to sleep that night, the thought that i was actually at phils house, and i was going to spend christmas with someone who means a lot to me had settled in completely. the excitement was gnawing at my brain, and i didnt know what to do.
i attempted to shut my eyes and clear my mind, and it worked for a bit, but i knew that the excitement would eat away at me for the whole week, and once i left it would feel like i got hit by a bus, and i don't know if i want to feel that way. all i know is that i want to enjoy phil while i can, because after this week it'll all go back to skype everyday, and being alone with my thoughts, and thats never good.
a/n
ive had this in my drafts for so long i thought it would be a good time to relEASE it lmao im pretty sure no one is actually excited about this but pls try to share it and vote/comment it really makes my day and im in need of better days so thanks
