February 14 2011
phils pov
i woke to swirls of warm and smells of sweet. it was dan, and i soon realized that his skin was melted into mine, and our arms were tangled into each other. it was beautiful, he was beautiful.
his breathing was calm and his fingers were limply rested on top of my chest. his warm hands felt good on me, i wish i had felt them before, just as much as our fingers grazing each other would have been enough or holding his hand softly in mine while we walk. this is much better.
i wanted to get out of bed and make dan cute heart-shaped pancakes and see his sleepy smile stare up at me with his soft dimple, but it was all in my head and i wanted it to be real so bad. but thats not how friendship works. i know i feel something for dan, like a clenching feeling in my chest every time i see him sad, and it releases warm into my body when i see him smile, its like there was an empty fire pit that laid undetected in the back of my ribs for years and years and it ignites everytime i see his face or hear his laugh and it quivers and grows larger every day i spend without him. i want it to go away and it wont no matter how hard i try.
and the day i kissed him when i was drunk, the fire exploded and singed my insides and burned my heart and took the breath from my lungs when he walked away. i was devastated and the fire felt cold for weeks yet it was still burning hot inside my throat and brought tears to my eyes.
i was cut off as i felt the warm in my arms shift. it was dan, he woke up and looked up at me with poorly hidden fondness in his eyes.
"hey" i swept a curl out of his tired eyes and propped myself on an elbow.
he didnt respond, he only smiled which was enough for me. the fondness between us was becoming so strong it was like we were in a movie. i didnt think he'd ever be comfortable with me doing things like this.
i smiled at him one last time before making my way downstairs to the kitchen, a surprise in mind.
the flowers i bought were meant for dan. i was saving them for today, seeing as its valentines day and i wanted to tell dan how i felt. i want to get it off my chest and finally feel free again. loving someone has always been a problem with me. its always so strong and it completely takes over my mind and ruins me. but with dan, its so different. he makes me feel warm and happy and content with myself and i want to stay up all night with him and listen to the rain and talk about everything. but it still ruins me. knowing that there is a strong chance he wont feel the same, and knowing it could ruin everything, but taking a chance on dan would be worth it.
i walked over to the small counter which the flowers were placed on, and grabbed them. i felt the thorns plunge into my fingers, and the small pricks of red began to form. i stood at the stairs, "dan come down here."
i heard the door creak open softly, i was picturing his sleepy eyes peering out from a creak and his messy curls falling in his eyes.
"yeah phi..." he trailed off, his voice timid and soft. his mouth was still open, the dead words hanging from his tongue. i was stood at the bottom of the stairs the flowers in my hands, blood soaking into the small cracks in my skin.
"i know this is really cheesy and something that would come out of a movie but your my everything dan. you mean so much to me and i want the pleasure to call you mine?" my voice creaked and broke like old wooden steps of a worn down house, and my hands trembled like thunder.
dans face was painted in red and pink, his shade almost identical to the one dripping from my torn skin.
"phil, i, y-yes"
i smiled and dropped the flowers beneath my feet, and felt the surge of dans weight being thrown into my arms. warm filled my lungs and soaked into my skin and i felt the weight of all my problems melt into dans hands and slip through his fingers, falling down to our feet.
i broke away from his shaky grip and met the chocolate brown eyes i adored, prickled with tears.
i leaned in and pressed my lips onto his, our skin melted into each other and our scents became one. the familiar taste of chocolate and warmness filled my mouth again, dripping from my lips and soaking into me. i recall the drunken memory and remember craving this taste again, wanting to taste his lips again and let him drip from my mouth, and here i am, with dan written all over me, our lips and arms tangled into each other, sharing our tastes.
i felt the taste of him leave my mouth, only this time i didnt feel his love or warmth leave with it, it lingered in my body and spread into the creases and nooks of my brain and places in myself that were once lacking love and warmth. i was finally whole again, and it was then that i realized i could never be whole without dan here with me.
a/n
dogs are just friends you can buy and i appreciate them sosososososo much. also was this chapter good?
-amie
